Whether you and your partner are new to this whole bumpy cuddles thing or you've got a well-practised routine, there comes a time in every woman's life when she needs to ask for what she wants in the bedroom.
Less teeth, more Juicee. Less Peaches, more Missy Mini, whatever it is, sometimes it can be hard to communicate, especially if you're not sure how your partner is going to take it, which is where we come in.
Here is Girls Get Off's three-step guide to asking for what you want in the bedroom:
- Be realistic
The truth is, your partner can't read your mind - yes, even if you're been together for more years than you've got fingers. So, before you start getting frustrated because they aren't picking up on your unsaid cues that are SO OBVIOUS, give yourself a friendly reality check.
'We're all responsible for our own pleasure and orgasms,' clinical sexologist Gigi Engle tells Cosmopolitan. 'Our partners are not mind readers, and if you don't communicate what you want or how you like to be touched, they're not going to automatically know.'
- Choose your honesty method
There are a few ways to tell your partner you want to explore new things in the bedroom, one of them being a yes/no/maybe list—there are plenty of them on the internet, including our very own. According to MasterClass, 'It's a great way to increase transparency in your sex life and learn about your partner's interests.'
Another method is the tried and true sh*t sandwich; you may have heard of it in work situations where it makes giving someone criticism easier.
Laura Clarke, sex educator, says: 'Start by saying something you love about your sex life, your partner, and their skills as a lover. Then you put in your request in the kindest way possible, emphasising why this would make you feel more pleasure. End with another affirmation about your partner and how much you enjoy having sex with them'.
A third way is in cases where you have a visual learner on your hands, sit down in a comfortable environment and explain there is something new you'd like to try, then show them a video or picture of what you want to do.
- Answer any questions they may have
While some partners may sigh and say: 'Omg! I've been wanting to try that too! Let's do it' (dream scenario); others may have a few thoughts and feelings about your suggestion.
Reassure them and let them know that this desire of yours isn't critical of the sex you currently do have, nor is it an instruction, but rather a suggestion or request.
If they have questions, answer them as honestly as you can, and don't be afraid to ask your own questions if you have them.
You may also find your partner needs some time to consider the suggestion/request. Let them work through it at their own pace. This may mean talking about it multiple times, leaving the room and coming back later that day, or doing it right then and there. Move at your own pace.
Once you and your partner are ready to try out the new sexual act, make sure it's a safe place where you both feel confident to share your thoughts before, during and after.
For more Girls Get Off sex tips and tricks, visit our blog!
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY…..
Hiiii queens!! I’m Lillie Rohan, a Lifestyle and Entertainment journalist. I currently write for established publications such as NZ Herald, Metro.co.uk, The Mirror & of course, Girls Get Off. Along with all things pop culture, I love bringing you helpful info on all things relationship, sex and self pleasure, it’s a vibe! x