Sexual confidence isn't always a 10/10. In fact, some days, it's pretty harder to find than your vibrator charger. So, if you've desperately been looking around your room for it, never fear, queen; you're not alone.
And we're here to help.
Yup, forget about hiding under dim lighting and blushing when the condoms come out; when we're done with you, girl, you'll have more confidence than Viv the time she put Jo's face on a billboard and used it as Tinder. Hear ye, hear ye.
Here's Girls Get Off's guide to improving your sexual confidence:
- Start with Self-Exploration
There's an old saying: you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself, and that may be true, which is why the first step in becoming the sexual prowess you are is by learning about all your likes, dislikes and kinks.
Set up a comfortable space, whether a cosy bed with candles and rose petals, an extra steamy bath, or maybe even that couch with all the right angles (when no one's home, of course).
Once you've gotten comfortable, figure out what turns you on. Is it smut, porn, home videos, touching yourself, your imagination, or whatever floats your boat? Get to it.
The more relaxed you feel, the better, so be sure to take some deep breaths, turn your phone on, do not disturb and experiment with your body, whether that's just with your body or with the help of toys.
Knowing what you like in the bedroom can help you feel more confident telling your partner what you want.
- Positive Affirmations
You know when you're having a bad day and that little voice in your head is telling you, "You've got this; it's okay!" That's a positive affirmation, and as it turns out, positive thinking has a lot more power than you may have initially thought.
By definition, positive affirmations are phrases you can say in your head and out loud to help hype yourself up, and when done right, they are scientifically proven to help rewire your brain.
According to PubMed Central via Healthline: 'Practicing affirmations can activate the reward system in your brain, which can have an impact on the way you experience both emotional and physical pain.'
Some positive affirmations you can try for bedroom confidence are:
- I honour and celebrate my body as it is right now
- I deserve to experience pleasure and joy without guilt or shame
- I am powerful, confident, and deserving of intimacy and connection
- I am proud of my sexuality and my ability to connect with others
- Talk to your partner openly and honestly
If your troubles lie with your lover, consider speaking to them openly and honestly about your needs, desires, and boundaries. What do you like about your sexual encounters? What don't you like? What makes you feel the most safe? And the least.
Tell them where you feel most confident and why. If you need reassurance and validation, tell them. If you need less reassurance and validation, tell them that, too. They don't know what they don't know.
According to Mayo Clinic: 'Sharing your thoughts and expectations about your sexual experiences can bring you closer and help you achieve greater sexual enjoyment.'
- Experiment in small steps
Rome wasn't built in a day, and confidence certainly won't be either, which is why you need to build it brick by brick, level by level.
Instead of seeing the tips above as a sprint, see them more as a marathon and don't be shy about spending longer on one than the other or a bit of time on each. Once you've built the foundations, you can begin experimenting with other things like toys.
Speaking to Vogue Singapore, sexual wellness expert Natasha Marie suggests using sex toys to help experiment with your desires as they are the 'unsung heroes of sexual wellness and intimacy'.
She adds: 'Sex toys help us cultivate sexual literacy to better understand our bodies and pleasure', and thankfully we have a few that can help.
- Focus on Pleasure, Not Performance
Sexual anxiety is a real thing and stops many of us from stopping and enjoying the moment, but why does it happen, and how can we overcome it?
According to The Lowdown's sex and intimacy coach, Lucy, it is 'nervousness and stress when reaching climax during sex'.
She notes the main contributors are pressure from you or your partner to finish, experiences of sexual trauma in the past, shame or stigma around pleasure and generalised anxiety or other mental health conditions.
To help overcome it, focus on pleasure rather than your performance and relax by knowing what works for you and what doesn't. Like, the alphabet technique feels like a 10/10, but butt play doesn't.
Knowing what to expect and feeling comfortable with your partner can help you lean into your desires and help you switch off from those thoughts that stop you from having a good time - and at the end of the day, that's what sex should be a good time.
For more sexual wellness tips and tricks, visit the Girls Get Off blog here!
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY…..
Hiiii queens!! I’m Lillie Rohan, a Lifestyle and Entertainment journalist. I currently write for established publications such as NZ Herald, Metro.co.uk, The Mirror & of course, Girls Get Off. Along with all things pop culture, I love bringing you helpful info on all things relationship, sex and self pleasure, it’s a vibe! x