To big-O or not to big-O? That's the question on the tip of Girls Get Off's tongues this week, and it got us thinking: Are orgasms an essential part of sex?
Whether you're a porn watcher, a smut reader or a spicy Netflix scene lover, you may have noticed that every spicy rendezvous ends the same way, with two lovers having a very obvious moan-filled big O.
So, in the essence of being your pleasure godmother, we're going to sprinkle a truth over your pretty lil head; sex and big-O's don't always go hand in hand, in fact, a bunch of times, they don't happen at all for us women.
Is that to say sex or intimacy is any less satisfying? No. Allow us to explain why hitting that toe-curling orgasm isn't the key to a fulfilling sexual experience.
1. The myth of Orgasms as a 'goal' in sex
We're not 100 per cent sure where this myth originated or why, but it did, and it set some pretty unrealistic standards for everyone involved.
According to Boston University obstetrics and gynaecology professor Kate White, 'fewer than 1 in 5 women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone — everyone else wants or needs some sort of stimulation on their clitoris'.
Is your jaw on the floor? Because same.
Furthermore, Sexologist Dr Bat Sheva Marcus said according to studies, only 70-80 per cent of women can orgasm from a hand or mouth and 92-96 per cent can orgasm from using a vibrator, and those figures are likely 'inflated' because so many people' lie' about their orgasms.
Like us, she isn't sure why the myth that has been debunked SO many times keeps becoming a conversation topic but says, 'It's time to accept once and for all that intercourse is the least effective way to reach orgasm.'
2. Health and Psychological Benefits of Non-Goal-Oriented Sex
So now that we have set the record straight, it brings us to our next point…. If not to orgasm or procreate, why do we have sex?
Other than scratching that itch, it's because (and say it with us) climaxing is not the goal. In fact, sex itself not only feels really bloody good, but it has a lot of surprising health benefits, according to Dr White.
'Sex can lower your blood pressure and improve your heart health. It can strengthen your immune system and decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety,' she says. 'A healthy sex life may even improve your self-esteem and boost your libido, so you want more of a good thing! You get these benefits with or without an orgasm.'
As for blokes, WebMD says sex supports heart health, something that 'is particularly important for men' as it can 'help lower' the chance of developing cardiovascular problems.
And for both parties, sex helps your body release feel-good hormones like endorphins, oxytocin and dopamine, which ultimately helps reduce stress and boost your mood.
3. Focus on Pleasure and Connection
On top of the heath benefits, sex is a great way to connect with your partner and take a minute to stop and smell the roses.
To ensure you're making the most of it, allow yourself to be more mindful in intimate moments. This means de-stressing, forgetting everything on your to-do list and showing up authentically for you and your partner.
To do this, try focusing on your breathing and what you can feel, and don't rush the experience. Enjoy every minute of your intimate rendezvous, whether that means taking a nice long, soapy shower with your partner, lighting some candles, wearing lingerie or having a good old-fashioned make out before any penetration.
And - perhaps most importantly - don't worry about having an orgasm. Adopt the 'so be it' mindset and let it happen if it happens, and if not, have a good time anyway.
For more GGO sex tips and tricks, visit our blog.
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY…..
Hiiii queens!! I’m Lillie Rohan, a Lifestyle and Entertainment journalist. I currently write for established publications such as NZ Herald, Metro.co.uk, The Mirror & of course, Girls Get Off. Along with all things pop culture, I love bringing you helpful info on all things relationship, sex and self pleasure, it’s a vibe! x