Sex Files 02: Pleasurelit Patricia

Welcome to our new feature here on the Girls Get Off podcast, the sex files.  We're trying to spice things  up on the channel and give you an insight into what's happening in our world,  but also create something that represents what Girls Get Off stands for. Every fortnight, we'll be interviewing a guest to speak with us about their sex life, from where it started to how it's going now, from the awkward to the  amazing. We've got nine questions that we'll ask every guest. while we hold a safe space for them to open up.  While this sounds scary to some people, for us, it's about living our mission. Girls Get Off is about normalizing sex for everyone,  and the best way to do that is to share as much as possible in a safe space where people can feel heard and validated. The truth is, if you feel empowered and can ask for what you want in the bedroom, you'll be having the best sex of your life. And sex is many things to many people.  So some episodes might be serious, others will have our trademark sense of humor.  Whatever happens, it's going to be a full on ride. If you enjoyed this podcast, please follow it on all your podcast apps and share it with a friend. Today's guest is Pleasurelit Patricia, mum of two, originally from Germany and now based in Australia.  After surviving domestic violence and rebuilding her life from the ground up, Patricia turned pain into purpose, founding Pleasurelit. a global movement helping people reconnect with their bodies and embrace pleasure without shame. With over 20 certifications across tantra, health and embodiment and as bestselling author of The Pleasure Lit Way, Patricia's mission is simple, to help everyday people live lit from within. Welcome to the show. Oh, I'm just going to bask in that for a moment. Thank you. I love this introduction. Did I cover everything? Is there anything missing from that? This is perfect. Thank you so much. It's just like, I feel like a goddess in this moment. So leaning into that, thank you. Oh, amazing. Gosh, what a turnaround. What an amazing thing for yourself and for everybody else. Yes, it has been quite a journey to say the least, but I have found my true calling in really stepping up and helping other women specifically, because from what I've been through, I'm not alone in that. there are so many. that I meet and come across who have been through challenging times, abuse, DV.  it's  just interesting for me to see the potential that we have, even though we've been through all of that, that we can actually turn it all around and live  such a beautiful, pleasure-filled, deep, self-loving life. And  if I can do that, I know others can do it too, but... It's just the guidance that someone needs and I wish I had that guidance, but that's why I'm here now to help others to really embrace that. And you've got so many qualifications in this space and you're so involved in this industry.  What were you doing beforehand? Have you always been in the sexual wellness happiness space or what did life look like prior to your work here? I have always been quite open minded, let's put it that way. So I've been exploring  sexually quite openly with my first boyfriend. For example, I had a journal  where I was writing all our experience in there until like my mom found it one day.  She actually read it. I came home from school, just opened the front door  and I saw this journal coming flying at me  and I was being slut-shamed. It's like, you dirty slut. Um, Yes. Like what kind of experiences? And I'm just like, did you read all of that? Like, who are you? Why would you do that? I thought, I mean, I'm broad brush stroking here, but I thought Germans were just the most open minded culturally. You know, you've got KitKat club, you've got Burgheim. Like I thought it was just so acceptable. Isn't your legal age for sex like 14 or something? Not 16. I thought everyone was all for it. I do believe, like compared to like Australia, for example, now living here for a good period of time, I do like to say, oh, us Germans, we're usually more open-minded. I mean, we've got nude beaches over there. We're going into the sauna. The first time I walked into a sauna here in Australia, me completely naked, everybody else was just nervous. I walked in, I'm like, what? swimmers and everybody's like, why aren't you? I'm like, okay, going to come back. I had to walk out, to get put some on. I was sitting in that zone, I'm like, this feels so wrong. Like, why would I wear something to sweat? Like, does not make sense to me. So there are a few things where I have had moments here in Australia, where I thought, okay, having this conversation on a date, I'm like, oh, how kinky are you? What are your kinks? And they're like, oh, like, I've done it from behind and I've done this and I'm just like, and that's it. Is that your kink? You're kinky. It doesn't match. So it's just moments where I thought, maybe I'm not meant to be  dating an Australian. I need to be someone from Europe  to just have that open mind. But the way I've grown up in my household, my mom, she didn't like to talk about sex  or pleasure or anything like that. So it was always... The doors need to be open. I wasn't allowed to have a lock on there. Keys were taken away. Doors needed to be open. There's not going to be any sex in the house.  Even though she knew I had sex. And then reading my journals, slut shaming me. So all of that, yeah, wasn't very pleasant. And that,  I think, took a little bit. Like when you grow up that way, you take on a little bit of that shame.  So that was something that I had to work through. And to answer your question,  once I moved out of  that household, All I was thinking about was I wanted to earn money so I could move out because it was such a difficult time there with what I've been through  and living  in that environment wasn't healthy. So  I thought working in a bank because I was a really good student and I had A grades and math and science was really well and I thought I would want to become a teacher but I couldn't afford it to study to go to university.  So I thought, oh, if I work in a bank, finance. I will make money because you know, I work with money, I make money. So that was actually my first like education and certificate that I did. So there was finance management working in a bank and I completed that and then toward the end I met someone who was like, I'm going to Australia, are you coming with me? And they're like, you know what, why not? Oh my gosh. And so did you end up dating an Australian? I have like shortly dated an Australian, but haven't had a serious relationship with an Australian yet. no. Ah, interesting. Interesting. Still too prudy for you. Yeah, I don't know. It's just haven't met the right one yet. must be out there somewhere. Of course. Of course. There's plenty more fish in the sea in Australia than New Zealand. So you are you're doing good. Okay, now before we jump into the questions.  We  usually warn the guests about the last question because it's the big and vulnerable one. However,  given your background, I don't think you're going to struggle to open up with us.  And  for that, I'm kind of excited to get to the last question now. So  this is great. Let's get into it.  For those who are new here, our last question for guests is always, what's the one sexual thought, fantasy or experience you've had that you've never told anyone about  and why have you kept it to yourself? So don't answer that now, we'll circle back to that at the end, but are you ready for the first eight questions? We'll call them foreplay, shall we? Foreplay,  that's the thing, foreplay.  All right, let's begin with how often are you having sex? um It really depends on the question, like, what do you define under sex? Like, is it partnered sex? Is it penetrative sex? Is it self-pleasure, sex with myself, sex with the universe? Because when you put it that way, I've got quite a lot of intense sex with myself  and probably also with the universe and probably also, I could say, with my future relationship. Oh my God, love.  I'm saying that because I'm doing a lot of pleasure magic at the moment. So I am...  visualizing and really embodying my future  lover while we have really hot, passionate sex while I touch myself. So I do have sex with someone, I would say.  If you would ask me penetrative sex with someone else, that has been not as much over the last three years, I would say I've been taken a step back from that. you know, explored pleasure toys and tools for the last three and a half years.  So decided to date them instead of people, basically. So  my answer to that question.  What an  answer. Well, I guess it's however you interpret it. So why don't we split it into those four things? We'll say self, universe, the future person, and then  penetration, another person. How about that? Start with yourself. How often are you having solo time? So solo time,  it really depends on my cycle. So I work really with my mood. It's not something that I need to do every day. And I love this question because when I  do the toy reviews or was really deeply into the toy reviews  that I was like posting a lot,  everyone's just like, okay, you know how many toys a day? And I'm like,  day, like, your calm.  It sometimes can happen that way. So when I'm ovulating,  I can get  really high turn-ons. And then I do play maybe with like, you know, 10 toys and I'm like, oh, that's not it. And I'm get another one.  you know, a little bit later, play with another one and just like, you know, just riding those waves of pleasure where when I'm close to my period, it can be like a week when I'm not even touching myself, like not to self pleasure. Like I do touch myself. I do love the connection, but it doesn't necessarily to like a full session. And usually around that time, if it does lead to something, it's just, want to have a know. And then I pick a toy that really like, you know, just delivers. in that moment instead of like, you know,  doing a full go-meh session. So,  And then in regards to pleasure magic, the universe or my future partner, that's at the moment a lot because I am deeply in manifesting  my next relationship.  And that only works when you really embody that  version. And that means you feel it, you taste it, you smell it.  You really lean into that and if you combine that with pleasure, that's the best manifestation because it helps your nervous system. It feels safe to receive and then combine that and it's  delicious. Okay,  think we are, Joe and I sitting here thinking, tell us a little bit more about sex with you. Like, how does that work? What are you doing? Are you just masturbating by yourself and thinking of your future partner? Like, we need more information.  I feel like this visualization must be deep. it's, um, I call this pleasure lit manifestation. actually have like a whole course on that.  And what it simply is,  it's kind of like a mix of the manifestation that we know it. So you speak out your desire. So first of all, you need to know what you're actually calling in like, and  the more specific you can be the better. So when I call in my next lover, you really want to like.  tune into how do you  feel with that person? How does that person make you feel? But also how does the person look like?  What are their behaviors? What's their appearance? And the more detailed you can be, the better it is.  So,  and when you are manifesting  with pleasure and pleasure magic, so I like to use it with self pleasure, because you start riding those waves of pleasure.  Can lead to an orgasm, doesn't necessarily have to, but you want to reach kind of like a peak. orgasm. if you're getting there and you're like, okay, this is probably the highest I can go today,  then use that peak as a pleasure. If you want to reach an orgasm or you can in that moment, then go for it.  And then you want to combine that with your orgasm. You want to obviously prepare yourself, get yourself turned on, you know, all of this beautiful space,  be really clear about your desire and  why you start pleasuring yourself. You start to create a five sense reality. So you tune into that reality of  I am with my lover. What can I see right now? Okay, we are on our bed. I'm writing him, you know, and it's really deep, it's slow. He's telling me he loves me. I can feel that. I can taste him on my lips. I can smell fresh cotton from the fresh bed linen and I can hear, I don't know, his deep primal moans or whatever. all these five, you go through all the five senses, deep breathing while you still pleasure yourself. And when you reach You know, the peak pleasure, you are in it. Like you are in it as if it is it. And they are in it by the sounds of it. Oh yeah. I don't want to leave that. I'm just like, I'm staying here. So why would I open my eyes again? And are you saying it out loud or are you just thinking it in your head? You can then in that moment, just be in it. So you don't have to say it. You just be in it. You bask in it. And then when you like come down from like your, your orgasm, you're still in that vibration. Just. stay as long as you can in it. And then obviously after that, when you've calmed down,  you can then speak it out loud. can also, you need to then basically trust the universe, say, this is done. Like if you can imagine that, then you know this version is possible. So it's now just a meta. Hey, I'm like, who needs a man if you can get into this state? You're gonna...  You go, he's going to walk in in your life. the more you do it, the more you're telling your subconscious that this is your reality because your subconscious, like your brain doesn't know the difference between the real reality and the made up reality. And the more you create this reality, the more it will believe it. And the more you believe it, your frequency, your energy is going to change and your environment starts to shift and to change.  it. I love the first wording you used as well  that manifesting your lover. I'm like, I feel like so many of us just manifest a partner or in a relationship or something. But I like the avenue of going for the lover because I think that's really apart from them being kind and treating you nice.  Like, everyone wants a lover, right?  We want to feel deeply loved, seen, held, feel safe, adored, worshipped. We want all of that. Yeah, amazing. And then the final part of that, in terms of how often are you having sex with another person? What does that look like for you?  So within the last  three years, as I said, I've really taken a step back and I would say I had maybe twice  penetrative sex within the last three years. So that's really taken, you know, a backstage where I'm now open up again to  lean into that, but I've really learned to cherish my temple and my body and if it doesn't align, it doesn't align. So because I know what's possible, what I can give myself. So  I just want to experience a good with someone else  and  anything else doesn't, you know, turn me on. So, yeah, amazing, amazing way to be so good.  Now, if you had a theme song for your sex life, what would it be and why?  The first thing that came up to my mind in this is it's gonna be a song about self pleasure. And I thought about touch of my hand from Britney Spears. And that is like going about, you know, touching yourself and the touch of my hand on my body. So I probably would say that is the one. I don't think I've ever heard that Britney Spears song before. Me neither, but I found it. I found this one. I'm like, I'm taking that. That sounds good. Perfect. Oh, well today's the day we all learn a new Britney song. Yeah, fascinating. That makes sense. I was like, am I out of the loop here? You know, sometimes when you hear the name, you hear the title of a song and you're like, I don't know that. I'm getting old. But I'm glad it was all new for all of us. That's good. Well, that makes sense. That aligns with your behaviors at the moment. So I'm happy and I will listen to the whole thing after the podcast episode. That could be a one for our stories. We have briefly touched on this, but I'm excited to hear more.  Did you talk about sex at home with your parents?  Yeah. So as I mentioned, my mother, she didn't like to talk about these things at all. And then  my mom and my dad, separated when I was about nine years old. So, and then my stepdad,  he was more of the one of like, you're not allowed to like... have any contact with a guy until like you're 21 or you you're not allowed to wear makeup, you're not allowed to wear this or not allowed to do that or not stay out long. so they were very like, you're not allowed to do anything basically. Very strict, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is how I grew up. And, but then eventually also it turned and flipped because then I got sexually assaulted and yeah, it's just gone. Not really well, but yeah, we've never talked about it. So, and even when I had then my first time, could, yeah, I couldn't talk to my mom about anything in this regards, either pleasure or sex that was, we're on topics to talk about. How old were you when you had your first time? I was six, 15, just, yeah, 15 or 16, 15, I think. And is that pretty average for in Germany?  At that time, I would say it was.  Yeah. Yeah. And it was with my first boyfriend. So was the first time for him and it was the first time for me,  which was very  beautiful, to be honest. I cherish that time because he was a really, really good one. So, yeah, I've had a really, really good person there.  And it was  it was like not the best experience because we both didn't know what we were doing.  but  it just got better from there. Let's just put it that way. And he was very open-minded too. So it was  beautiful to connect and then have these experiences of like, let's try this and let's try that. And yeah. So good. And is that when the diary started  that you got thrown at your face?  Yes. So, and then with him, I've always kind of had like a diary to talk, like talk things through because I couldn't talk to anyone else in my family.  So I started to like, you know, Dear diary, you know, I'm telling you everything. And then I also went deep in my experiences, you know, and da da da da da. How's your mum found out? So yeah. What about your sex education? Was that talked about with your parents or was that from school or was there any at all? We had a little bit of sex education in school, but this is just really, it was more about the female reproductive system about, okay, you get your period and this is how you make babies. And  That's pretty much it. I cannot remember anything telling me about pleasure  How to you know have an orgasm how to  you know pleasure the woman the feminine and the turn-on and all of that No, yeah, and surprisingly it hasn't changed as far as we know  Unfortunately,  yeah. Yeah, it's wild, isn't it? Has your  the relation like has the way that you talk about sex with your family in particular your mom changed with you doing this work That is something when I went to Germany a couple of years ago for Christmas, I did start to have like, you know, slight gentle, like, you know what I'm doing for work and start to have that conversation, but it was pretty much quickly blocked. My sister, for example, called me on the way out from Germany, you are a prostitute and like in a shameful word and things like that, where I'm just like, you don't even know what I'm doing, but okay.  Um,  just they,  they are not  conservative family. Yeah. Especially for Germany. Hey. Yeah. So, um, not, not very open-minded in this. So no one wanted to hear anything. Um, what I, what I'm doing, which then I respected. So I said, okay, that's your boundaries. It's fine.  We don't need to talk openly about it, but I'm just someone who  likes to talk openly about it.  And I just let them know if they ever want to talk about that. I'm here and I've got no problems to have a chat about.  The difference that I have now is how I raise my children. So that is a complete different story. Mine are growing up. We are naming our body parts the right way. They know the body parts from man and woman or girl and boy.  My son, for example, we had like little banana cakes and he came out the other day. He's like, mom, look, it looks like a vulva because it had like these two splits and the banana cake on the  top.  Good point for naming it correctly. Without shame. So good. There's no shame behind it. My daughter comes to me talking about, how is it when you kiss for the first time? With the tongues, how does that work? How do you know which way you need to go? how did you learn that? All these questions, I'm just like, I love what she's coming to me. That's a good question from her. Yeah. feel so honored  that she's coming to me, feels safe to ask all these questions. And I'm just like, oh, you know, it's like dancing. Sometimes you don't know which way, but you will find it out. And sometimes the first few seconds could be awkward because everyone's going this way or that way.  But whatever happens,  if someone tells you using too much tongue or too less tongue, you know, that's just their preference.  You do what you like to do, darling.  Yeah, well, like I'm sorry to hear that your family isn't more open minded, but I mean, that's just the way it is. But you do such great work. So I'm so excited that it  sounds like  you're changing that for your kids, which is incredible.  Yes. Yeah. And it's awesome that you've stayed true to yourself. I know a lot of people,  including myself,  you know, uh influenced so heavily that they don't go down the path that they want to and stuff. So go you. That's awesome. Is there anything along your journey that you've had to unlearn about sex that changed  everything for you?  Oh, where to start with that one?  Because I grew up in the way that I didn't get taught much about all of that. I obviously had to unlearn a lot and was being slut shamed or um growing up in that household. I obviously had to  relearn that. sexuality and my desires and pleasure that is something that's our birthright and that is actually something that's magical and you know falling in love with our body and pleasuring ourselves. So  I also grew up in that way that I thought  men are there or other people are there to bring you the pleasure to bring you to orgasm instead of actually I had to learn to take responsibility for that and be like  Ah, okay, my body, my pleasure, my responsibility, the other ones are assistant. And if I don't know my body,  if I don't know how to get to my orgasm, how can I  expect someone else to do it? Obviously I will get disappointed because I don't even know. Like how should they know when I don't even know? So  I had to learn to actually explore my own body and find out, you know, how can I give myself pleasure? I also had to unlearn  to fake orgasms. I faked orgasms because that's how it started with  thinking I'm going to take too long. they're, you know, they're giving their best. I was just like, Oh, this feels awkward. But it was also because I couldn't receive. So, okay, I just fake an orgasm. Let's do something else. And, you know, let's, let's continue because I just could not lay there and just receive. So I had to unlearn that as well to actually claim like, no, I'm receiving now and just giving also directions and  taking my time and. not faking it because it just takes away their pleasure and my pleasure. So yeah, there were quite a few things and also breathing, for example, I had to unlearn. I was holding my breath close to an orgasm like, you know, when you get like really tense and you're like, come, come, come, then you come and then you're okay, cool. And that was like, instead of like, Deep breathing, actually my body feeling, my nervous system feeling safe. And now the orgasms that I have, they don't go just like, dude, dude, they actually like go high and then get their blended orgasms, different orgasms, internal to an external.  Like it's just beautiful to now experience full body orgasms and orgasms where I've sort of never even possible. So yeah, I had to unlearn a lot,  but it's been a journey. Yeah. And especially the First, well, all the points really, but  those first two,  I think you just  spoke to 99.9 % of our audience.  Yeah, that's,  and a lot of people  judging by our DMs haven't unlearned those things yet. So great advice. Great things for our audience to hear because.  it benefits everyone to unlearn all of those. Yeah, if anyone can relate to anything, just know you're not alone. Like these are very common, common issues from the women that reach out to me as well. And just, just know I've been there. I've gone through that. Yeah. I think the stats are like more than 90 women have faked an orgasm, 90 % of women have faked an orgasm before. I definitely, if I want a little quickie, I'm a tensor, you know, that's my little shortcut to get it to to an O if I need one in a rush. um But I am curious to know as well, were there any particular catalysts in your life along  the path that made you realize, okay, I have to stop,  like, I think it's time for me to stop faking the orgasm or actually I want a different type of orgasm here. Was there anything that kind of  happened or moments or things that made you want to change those things? That was the time now when I actually stepped away from  dating other people that like the last three and half years, almost four years now,  that I really just focused on myself because the way I then,  I didn't need to perform. You you don't have, if you take away that pressure of performing with someone else, but actually now just really sit with yourself when there's no one else, you actually need to start to explore your own body. And then if you start faking something, you're just going to fake yourself. So  that's not going to help. then.  The way I experienced the orgasm, I'm like,  this can't be  it. Everybody's taking off deep and riding waves and  let's explore that. What could I do different? And then I had the beautiful, and I'm so grateful for that, opportunity  when I did start then my toy reviews to just have all these different toys to actually lean in as well to  feel like, oh, okay, that's a different sensation. And then I had, for example, a toy that unlocked my internal orgasm or...  through my tantra studies, for example, learning how to deeply breathe, how to actually feel safe in my nervous system, these somatic practices,  and to  really work with my pleasure energy  to  breathe through all my chakras to really open my whole body where I now have  nipple orgasms, skin orgasms,  know, just  heart orgasms. I've got all these different orgasms now that I've never noticed before.  access before because I know we all have it within us but I just sort of  for for time I thought I'm just one of these women you know she can  orgasms through penetration I'm just one of those women you know I'm broken I can't do this  it's just gonna be external literal orgasms that's it and it needs to be a certain way and then yeah well that's what it is  I actually walked into  sexual conversations sometimes I'm like uh  just  letting you know I'm hard to come like um towards the end of that I'm like  You know, I need a long time to orgasm, so don't stress if you're not getting there. And they were like, oh, it's challenge accepted. I'm like, yeah, right.  Give it your hardest.  That is  so relatable. It's not funny.  But then now I'm like,  oh my God. Like, oh my God, as I like to say now. But there's just so much potential and so much power and so much. pleasure that we can access when we actually get the tools and really lean into the deeper connection with ourselves. And now I know that it's actually really possible. And when I hear or heard others talking about it, I'm just like, they either faking it or I'm broken. I don't know. But now I know like they weren't faking it. I was just not there yet. So, OK, let's circle back to the different type. Let's circle back nipplegasms, for example, because I nipples, I'm like, whatever. It doesn't really give me that much pleasure. However, I've been with people before and they're like, you'd literally brush past their nipple and they're like,  you know? Everyone kind of has the same equipment, right?  So it sounds like you've put in a lot of effort. How many hours  or like,  I guess you could call it like training or practice or like the work you've put in.  How long do you think it's taken you  to go from that stage to the other? Because I'm pretty lazy most of the time.  That's why  I mix things up, because I know I should or if I've got an afternoon to myself. But  I'm pretty open about the fact that I can be pretty lazy and I just know what sort of gets me there.  But there's still a lot to be discovered and I'm curious about how much work is involved. That's exactly the point because we have our third and seeing that's how we, you know, pleasure, this is how we have sex  instead of then leaning into the other where it's like... Ah, but I think it's really hard to say like how much time, but I would really say the last, like I said, three and a half years, I've really needed to get to this point of deep self love and really committing to myself. You could probably do that quicker if you've got the time to really go a little bit more intense. I mean, I've run a business, I'm also a full time single mom next to it. So I know. how to juggle it all.  But I've made myself uh like a promise to really commit to explore my own pleasure. And only now do I feel ready. And this is why I'm doing my pleasure manifestation now for my  next relationship, my lover, you know,  to experience the next level, because there's only so much you can experience by yourself. And now that I know the potential of my own body,  I want to see now what is the potential if I have that now with someone else and we... can both get up to these stages. Oh my God, I'm just like getting, I'm thinking about that. I think it's really depending on what you want to explore as well. So I think Tantra was definitely one of the main ones. You don't need to have necessarily 350, 400 pleasure toys to explore that I've done. You don't necessarily need that many. What I say is, You probably just need a few basics just to have a  sensation. And I like to include their sensory tools, sensation tools, because there's also pleasure tools.  And this works really beautiful with tantra and actually feeling into your body.  Because sometimes as women as well,  we have sex or we pleasure and then like, oh shit, I should actually also do the washing. Oh, why can't I cook for later for dinner?  And it's like, oh shit, I actually want to like, you know, pleasure myself or I actually have sex.   You know, dropping into our body to actually feel.  Sensation tools can be so, so good for that because you feel then the sensation and you can really lean into like, okay, hang on, what am I feeling? And then you forget about the washing. yeah. Wow.  I'm inspired. I'm inspired. That sounds incredible. um Moving on to the next question. What is the most awkward experience you've ever had in bed? Oh, where to start with that one?  So before, that time before now I've taken like these three and a half years just to myself. There was also a period of time where I was a swinger, where I was very open in out in communities, know, swinger parties, group parties, private parties, public parties, swinger clubs, Kit Kat Club as well. Where I have been to king parties, you know, all sorts and I've done a good chunk of exploring casual sex and One-Night Stands, Situation Ships, all of that as well. Done it all. Done my good share of group sex and with women and with couples and with groups and all of that. I've done my good share, a bit of that. But there are a few things that have stuck with me when I was still thinking about Orquay. standouts.  Just a few, which one do I pick?  I  think one of them, for example, is,  that was definitely a moment I still remember is when I had sex with,  back then, my partner and he had broken his nose on a festival um just a few days prior and we had sex and I was going down on him  and he must have said something and I got back up. oh And I think I re-broke his nose. because he wasn't on the floor and just said, you broke my nose.  So that was all quit.  That's a mood killer. A broken nose. Wow. That's a deep laugh when I got my chest like that. Cool. Wow. The same partner I also gave head and I once had like a henna tattoo with his name written on my neck. So when I gave him head and then I just took my hair to the side so I knew he's going to see it. And he's just like, you did not just tattoo my name on your neck.  That's an awesome prank. I love it.  That's such a good prank for someone. I've also had like an awkward moment when I was pleasuring myself  and  I  love doing that in my car for a while.  I don't know why,  this is nice. It's a nice compact little car and I love it.  And I did not expect it, but  it led to me squirting and I just squirted over the whole like front window thing and the everything front.  And I was just like, oh, oh, and I have to clean that up now. Where were you? In the driveway? In my car on the driveway. Oh, that's so good.  Can your neighbors see you? Have you got a private driveway?  I think two years later I still found like a spot somewhere and I'm like, oh shit, that must be slip from there.  That is  the funniest thing I've heard so long. And we hear stories all the time, but that is all time.  I just didn't expect it. I don't know if I would have put like a  squirting blanket or something underneath, but didn't expect it. It wasn't planned. over the windows and everywhere just cover the inside of the car.  But it was also too good, too good to not let go and I did not expect it to go like that. Imagine being the next door neighbour and thinking like, oh, the neighbour's getting in her car for a masty again and oh my god, the whole windscreen's covered. And it's getting sprayed from the inside like,  why has that not been raining?  I don't think we could have asked for a better answer there. That's incredible. No, I don't think anyone's ever going to beat that answer. Have you got any more for us? God, you've just got stories on stories. I also had like a man, um there was one of those moments where it was like a booty call thing, but I thought it wasn't, but it wasn't very clear. So from him side it was, but from my side, it  wasn't clear enough.  I let him in and he walks in.  And the first thing he does is closing the blinds, strips himself naked while I'm just standing there.  And then he jumps on my bed like a starfish and he's like, I'm ready. And I'm like, well, I'm not.  And he's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, have you ever been sober while everybody else was drunk around you? This  is how I feel. Like you're drunk and I'm sober. I'm not on your level. He's like,  oh, so you need to be on my level. And I'm like, No, I'm just saying we are not on the same level. So he jumps up, runs up, gets some lube, puts them on the two finger and wants to shove that under my skirt. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, Get to get you ready. And I'm like, no, you can put your clothes on and there's a door.  So I kicked him out. I'm like, there you go. Never spoke to him again. I'm like, that's it.  Also awkward.  What the heck?  Oh, I've got more. was like... m My best friend always says like, Patricia, you should just, you know, do a show about all your moments. Are these all in the book? You could do a whole book about these. These are incredible. Probably could go through all my like past moments. Yeah. Well, now they're on the podcast. That is outstanding. How lucky are your grandkids to hear your stories when they grow up? Like sitting there telling the... Back in my day.  How good. I think this just shows that sex is not supposed to be just going normal. So  there will be moments where you queef or, you know, it's like the moments where things happen where you're just like,  oh, or, know, and now some nugget comes out or, know, when you do backdoor,  it's just there are moments where you're like, okay, it just happens. Or you start laughing and,  know. Wow. Yeah, absolutely.  Absolutely. Well, you've just normalised a whole lot of things for everybody, which is fantastic.  I'm  over the moon. I'm over the moon about that.  I've estimated the car before, but I certainly haven't sprayed the windscreen. can't. That is the best story ever.  Amongst others. But anyway, I'm derailing us. Continue, Jo. There's a lot of proof of that.  Amazing. So good.  When was the first time  you really felt like you had great sex  and how was it  different? Like what was the difference to  the earlier sex? There were a few moments where I think I had great sex or I felt like great sex and that was with my first boyfriend just because it was just really aligned. So the sex that we did have, it was  both fully present. And then after that, it got all a bit wonky donkey with the relationships, attracting the wrong ones after what I've been through, or just, you know, not coping well. And I remember though, I had a one night stand with someone once that was actually out of all other one night stands and casual ones that I don't find satisfying because like you're never really like on the same level because you don't know each other. But that one experience was really well because he was... He knew what he was doing. He was respectful and he was bringing the best out of a feminine. And, you know, the one who really made sure her pleasure was being taken care of, but also was the right thing, making... He made me feel safe. He made me feel seen. made, like, a stranger, where I was sort of like... He... protection. He had all the right questions, you know? All the right... I don't know, it was just all a line, where I just thought... Wow. Okay. are out Did you fall for this person? I've never seen him again.  yeah, we didn't exchange numbers or anything.  It was really rare.  Oh,  I would have been hooked. How did you meet him?  Where did you meet him?  I  was in Adelaide doing my personal trainer certification, my last exam. And that was the last night. So I was there for like, I think two nights. And that was the last night I thought, all right, I've just passed my personal trainer.  So next, so next morning I'm going to go home.  I'm going to stay another night, just go out, put my  short black dress on and walked out. I think he was ah my age or two years younger, was around the similar. And then I just saw,  I think it was two or three guys. And then they're like, oh, we're going to go there over there to dance. And I'm like, oh yeah, I'll follow along. And yeah, and I hooked up with one of them and it was just a really, really great experience. So I thought, all right. Do we need to like throw it out across our channels and try and find this guy for you? I feel like this may be the one you're manifesting. I don't think we could find him. was no 2019. I think it was.  Oh, six years ago. That's... Yeah, I reckon we could.  Any other great sex moments or you realised it was different?  I had a really um great experience also with someone where um not too long ago where it was really aligned as  well.  It's  just really, it is about being present with each other, feeling safe with each other  and really taking care of each other where it just, it does change so much when you breathe together, when you're really present,  when you really bring yourself into that present moment.  And I've seen the difference. And I mean, I can also talk about, you know, having sex only when you're drunk to then all of a sudden, because towards the end of my DV relationship, that was the only time I would have had sex was when I was drinking. And he knew that because eventually he just said,  I'm like, oh, he's trying to fill me up or like, because, or are you trying to like, you know, get me high or all these things. And he's like, yeah, because then I know you would open your legs. And  that was for me, the only moment I would allow myself because I knew this relationship was just not it. And  I could just, yeah,  couldn't any other way. So that was towards the end. then breaking out of that where I said, all right, I'm not, you know. not drinking anymore. It's just going to be, you know, just me and  the kids and I'm going to change my life, get into fitness, nutrition and all of that. It's like when everything changed there.  The first time I then had sex and I was  sober, it was a different experience. I'm like, oh, this is so awkward.  So like,  I don't know, I can like see everything, feel everything. I don't know if I like that or not. And I really need to like learn  to actually lean into that. Where now, I'm like, give me all the presence, give me all the embodiment, like,  completely different. Where now,  I wouldn't even drink because now knowing that just diminished my potential  to even have an orgasm or to feel pleasure,  because I would numb myself, my lower, vibration, I actually  can get  high on my own body and my own pleasure. So that is really beautiful because that's really a core memory and it really like, you know, anchors it. where alcohol,  it just doesn't. You either can't remember it the next day or you're just like, did that happen? Did that not happen?  risky behaviors, you go along with stuff that you don't want to go along with. it's just, yeah, completely different experience now. Yeah.  I actually, Patricia, a month or two ago,  I had sober sex for the first time in seven years.  So I was on,  I would only have drunk sex. didn't want. Like I had been in bad relationships and I didn't even want a partner uh at all. I'd been single that whole time  and uh drunk me would let me down though. So it  wasn't anybody like encouraging me to drink. It was me getting drunk and then I'd be like a  radar and try and take someone home.  And then like the next day just be like, oh man.  But the experience of sober sex when you have only had drunk sex in that long. Wild. So different. Yeah, so different. I celebrate you. Well done for having that experience. Thank you. taking that step. And well done for the person that made me feel safe enough  to have that experience. So, yeah, that safety is a big one, And it can only get better from here. knowing that as well. it will get better in leaning into that, knowing what's possible when you're actually fully present. Mind blowing. Yeah. Amazing. So good.  So if you could rate the sex you were having when you were 21 compared to the sex you're having now,  what ratings would they be on a  one to 10?  I would give it,  I would say  an 8.5 now because I know there's room for  more. There's always, you know, that more.  experience and more intense and being with someone else, I know there's like, it's gonna be a  lot.  If I'm by myself, it's a total 10 now. just saying that.  Amazing. 20s, 20s. uh They were wild. They were wild. were messy, wild, messy. They were needed though. It was needed though to like have the experience to really, you know, explore to get out there and have that little bit of a moment of like, okay, threesome, foursome, let's do this, let's do that. Let's do it on the boat. Let's do it in the car. Let's do it like, you know, at the airport and all of that. That went straight over my head. It's obviously hard. I'd expect nothing less now. We had an airport. We had an airport challenge when we were backpackers.  So  every airport that we went, we wanted to be ticked off and have at least a sexual experience.  You're the best. You are actually the best. you, and were you in the  toilet cubicles or were you in public? What were you doing?  Sometimes, you know, there's also like a bus station just really close at the airport as well.  We counted that in.  But yeah, toilet experience and uh you can come up with all sorts of things. yeah.  Especially on those layovers.  So long. Seven hour layover. You're like, what?  Where should we bang first?  That is incredible. Yeah. Love it.  I probably rate it like a  six  just because um they might've been not like as pleasure intense,  but they have been  exciting. They have been fun. They have been yeah, they have been that lightness, you know. It's kind of a lot. It's just a whole different scenario really. Yeah. It's like apples and pears. can't really compare it, but you know, everything has its pros and cons kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.  No, totally get it. And I know we've slightly touched on this already, but if we could bring it all  back, I guess, have you done any personal work to improve or change your relationship with sex?  Yeah. So all of that I've  mentioned of taking the time for myself to actually fall in love with myself. And when I say that, I didn't love myself when I was in that DV relationship, when I got abused. I thought, you know, I'm not worthy of love. um I'm not enough.  I am. I've been abandoned. You know,  I've had  low self-esteem when now I am  deeply, and when I say deeply, deeply in love with myself,  I love to taste my own juices. You know, I really get  deep with me.  So I'd love to turn myself on. I flirt with myself.  you know. It could even say a little bit of like on the spectrum of auto sexuality when you're like turning yourself on and when you know like you are it.  I look and  I can get like this looking at myself in the mirror and I'm just like, you know, do a little bit of pleasure talk.  Oh, love that for you. So deeply love is my that one. That was because I took the time to actually fall in love with myself, to get to know my own body. And once you do that, there's no other choice than actually loving yourself. And once you do that, then you attract  more love, more pleasure. And then obviously what helped me was exploring my own body also through my adult content creation journey um of exploring my pleasure, toys and tools to the qualifications that I then studied,  sex coaching, tantra, uh yoga, kink, BDSM,  all of these  education, but also self studying and really also integrating,  doing it. and exploring and giving myself permission.  all of that has changed my  whole relationship to sex.  I think  that kind of leads into our next one, because I think all of that knowledge, our next question is what makes you the most confident in the bedroom? But I think just  giving yourself all that knowledge  would  play into that, right? Like for being confident in the bedroom, I think uh What's important there is to take away the pressure of performance when we actually really just lean into what feels good. And it's a lot and it's okay to say, no, this is not what feels good to me today,  but this would feel good to me today.  And if you,  for example, give um a cock worship, for example, it's not about like the certain technique. Yes, it can be great to know, like, you know, pepper grind on, you know, all of these things, because they can be fun to integrate. But if you are not enjoying what you're doing, if you are not actually a full body yes for it,  he will feel like, okay, you're just like, you know, doing some weird stuff, but I'm actually not feeling you.  Like,  you are only confident in these skills when you actually want to do them and when you feel into it and when you're like,  oh, let's play it and take it as an exploration. Oh, let's see what I can do. Like, you know, what does this to him? Ooh, okay.  That's,  he's moaning there and he's doing that. Oh, he likes that. Like leaning into that without just... I need to do this a certain way now, but actually, oh, and this gives you then the confidence of like, oh yeah, cool. I actually enjoy what I'm doing. He enjoys what he's receiving. And then that builds confidence. And confidence also has got self-trust. So the more you actually say no when you actually mean no and say yes to the things that you light you up and that you do want to do, the more you start to trust yourself and the more confidence you actually develop as well. And we hadn't actually really touched on that, like not performing piece. So I'm glad that that came up. Last question. The big one. um What is  the one sexual thought, fantasy or experience you've had that you've never told anyone about and why have you kept it to yourself? It's a hard one for me because I'm sharing so much.  like what am I not shared yet?  Yeah, yeah. I thought I think we need to change the wording because it needs to be like you may never have told anyone.  Um, I think something that is at the moment, very present for me in that is  an experience that I would like to have, or like a thought that I would like to experience that I haven't really voiced yet because it didn't come up yet. And that is  something  very present because it's related to where I'm currently at leaning in more into my goddess, into my receiving. And there is a scenario that I might want to like play out if the situation arises. where I am  the center of that situation. I am the goddess and I'm fully in the receiving, being worshiped and adored by multiple people.  And they're all there just for me and my pleasure. And this is, I know, very like I'm claiming it.  I don't need to give. I'm just there to receive. And how  would that be to just  be in there in that moment, have multiple hands over your body, multiple people kissing you,  multiple tools, fezzes.  pinwheels, like whatever is going on and then you get blindfolded and you get kissed and you get fed a strawberry then someone's,  you know, massaging your feet.  While you might, you know, also, you know, feel two fingers deep inside you like, I don't know, just get my nipples and it's just like, they're all just here for me.  Is there a, is there a, is it  a Is it male or female surrounded by you? Is there a special number that you've got in your mind? Both? Both. That's both. And it's not just also the just sexual part. It is actually like a ritual. So they serve me drinks. So there's like the turn on as well. Your goddess era. a little bit of a kiss here. They might dance for me. Then, you know, they'll have dance for me, then they come closer, it's a turn on, then a man walks in, joins the party, then, you know, it's just getting more people, it's just getting so much more delicious. Oh my God, wouldn't that be nice? I'm adding that one to my list. This is like what I'm imagining here is like an Egyptian, what are they called? Not the Pharaoh, the other one, you know, like Cleopatra, you know, someone's feeding you grapes. She's lying on a big thing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here for it. Yeah, I spoke on the podcast a few episodes earlier about how I got a sensual massage recently. And while I was lying there thinking, this is incredible. I was thinking next time I think I want one person on each side. know, like this is great. So I can, I can see this for you. I love it. Yeah. Incredible. What an answer. What an answer to a lot of those things you have. been fantastic. and like,  yeah, this is this is just incredible. I when we started out, you know, saying we wanted to interview a variety of people on the podcast, we didn't just want people  who were in the industry. We wanted a whole range of people. But I think today's episode for me anyway, has just  and I hope it does for other listeners, just show how we are also similar, also different. I don't know whether everyone can say they've squirted and sprayed the inside of their windshield. But  Just the journey to get to that stage,  you know, it just goes to show that we are all the same. So I really hope people got as much out of that as I personally did. And if they want to hear more from you,  how can they find you? The best way is to go on my website at pleasurelit.com because they are always on my links.  And then also another way to stay really close in contact is through my sub stack, which is sub stack  pleasure lit as well, because then you get onto my email list and then you will definitely not miss a scene. And then my socials, you can find them all uh under pleasure.ly or pleasure.ly Patricia. Cool. And we will link them in the description along with your book and all those different links. um But thank you so much again. Thank you for having me.  Thank you, Patricia. That was wonderful. oh