How to organize the best group date ever

Oh You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast on all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. 

Welcome back to the Girls Get Off podcast. I'm so excited to be here today. How are you, Jo? I am great, I am great. We have just had such a cool conversation. Like it's a game changer for dating, game changer. Yeah, so we're gonna bring on Hannah, the girl we talked about who had organized like the best ever group date for her and her housemates. We mentioned it in the last episode and she explains it so well. I think it sounds like so much fun. She's hilarious. Like she's a funny girl. She is so funny. But yeah, as always, I'm seeing the red flags in this one. I liked her reaction to you saying, is this a red flag? She's like, no, you're being avoidant. I thought that was so funny. So yeah, it's a great episode. And before we get into it, a little bit of background on Hannah. So Hannah Ferguson is the CEO of Cheek Media Co, the host of news and pop culture podcast, Big Small Talk, and the author of Bite Back. Welcome to the podcast, Hannah. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be talking about something as fun as dating and not my usual political boring stuff. This is very exciting. Thanks for having me. Oh my God, we're so happy to have you here. And look, I mentioned on a previous episode that you had been the project manager of a group date situation, and that I'd found it very funny and entertaining, and we want to hear all about it. Yeah, it was very funny and entertaining from my end too. And I was very worried that it would only be funny and entertaining to people who weren't there, but it was really good. And the reason I did this, the original idea wasn't my idea. It came from a TikTok that I'd seen a couple of years ago where this woman had filmed like her apartment with her four girlfriends that all lived together. And she had said like. inviting guys over thinking they're on a first date but they're on a group date because none of them know the others are also invited. And obviously that's not the appealing part of a group date. Like I don't think it would be very fun if... I know there's a difference between women and men here but if I walked into thinking I was on a first date and there was like eight guys there and eight girls I would shit myself. Like I would be like, no thanks, I do not like this. So obviously for me I was like the first thing I would change about this concept is that the guys need to know what they're walking into. But I thought... would this be fun? And I think the reason that I sort of thought and wanted to put it on my Instagram stories and talk to people about this is because modern dating is trash. Everyone knows it. Everyone's got fatigue from the dating apps. Everyone seems to be having a horrible time and being pretty vocal about that. And I was like, I think we can do this. And how would you do it? And asking people like, would you attend something like this? What would you change about it? Getting that feedback seemed like people were excited by the concept. And suddenly I was like, all right, let's make this happen. I thought it would be impossible to execute. I thought no one would agree to do this. And we did it within eight days of that first Instagram story going up. It's been two years since I've even got one bloody date on a dating site, let alone three or four of you, how many were there? Three or four. Three of us. So three of us, so six of us. All three of you pulled someone together to come on this group date in eight days. So that's impressive in itself. And each person sort of got their match a different way, which I kind of loved too. So one person was through Hinge. They got someone from the dating apps and she said, look, his profile screamed someone who would like this concept. Like you see a profile with a lot of personality, you see an extroverted man, you know him when you spot him. And we thought, that's the guy, right? Like he is funny, he's got a lot of life. And so she sent him a voice memo on Hinge and was like, look, my friend's had this idea. She wants to execute it next Friday night. are you up for it? And he was like, yeah, I did this five years ago. And the couple I went on the date with are still together and we're all still friends. This sounds amazing. So he's 26, all the guys, so one was 26, one was 27, one was 28. So they all were sort of around our age. And he was like, I love this concept. I'm up for it. Count me in. What should I bring? Do you want me to wear a suit? Do you want me to bring flowers? Like, it was hilarious instantly. The second guy, actually, he had asked me on a date. I've never met him. He had been set up with me by another mutual friend and he had said, do you wanna get a drink? And this was like November of last year. And to be honest, like I just knew he wasn't for me. Lovely guy though. And so I had said to him like, hey, like you're not for me. I don't really wanna go on a date, but I have a friend that I think would like you and I'd like you to come to this group date because he'd been watching the Instagram story. So I thought, be familiar with the concept and he sees what I'm saying, maybe he'll be up for it. So I've never met him. I knew it was a bit of an awkward situation to be like, not me, but maybe her. But I had shown each of them their other person's profile and they were like, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So they actually went on a date three nights before the group date to vet each other. I feel like that was cheating. Wasn't one of the rules that you, it was the first date. Here's the thing is that I think that it's not cheating because of course, Viv, can I just say, Viv, of course you and I would think that's cheating because we're the extroverted women that are like, how did I find myself here in every dating scenario, right? Like we. do not give a shit, we would just go and do anything, right? But it's not fair to the introverts of this world who are terrified of this. This is true. So they had sort of, they had like, followed each other on Instagram and they were like, great, great. But my roommate said to me, this particular woman who's on the date with this guy, she said, I'm not as extroverted as you, this isn't my forte and you're gonna really succeed in flourishing this environment, but I'm not gonna be able to put my best foot forward in a group scenario. So would it be okay if we just went to, she asked the project manager for approval, okay? She said, can I go out for dinner with him? So they've spent and had dinner for a couple of hours, no drinking, no nothing, just to like get to know each other a bit. So they had some rapport for the group date. And I'm so glad they did because I think it made the group date better for them. And then the third was me, and I'd actually organized a date through the dating apps. And then, so a week before the dates, we only had eight days between. pitch and data curry. I had locked mine in one day after the pitch to Instagram and I'd gone on the hinge, I'd found someone that I'd messaged a few weeks back and just ignored him and I thought, he's the guy. So I messaged him and I was like, I know I've just ignored you for two weeks, but do you want to do this? And he was like, sure. By the Monday he was like, I can't do this. I'm scared. Unmatched. I clicked unmatched straight away. No thank you. Not on. Yep. So then, this is Monday, I'm the project manager, I'm dateless, the other two locked in. I'm dateless, I'm freaking out, the countdown's on. On the Wednesday, I go to a butt plug launch, and I, so I'm really dressed up. I'm really dressed up for a butt plug launch. And I think, I look hot right now, so what I'm gonna do, desperate times call for desperate measures. My friends were like, Hannah, you have 20,000 Instagram followers on your account, why aren't you seeking out a feminist man from your feminist platform? And I was like, because it's embarrassing, it's embarrassing to get on the internet and say, Hi all, I need a date. I was humiliated. And then I went on and I said, hi all, I may try to look my hottest prior to butt plug launch. And I sat in my car and I was like, confession time. The project manager is without a date. And I said, I'm looking for a tall, attractive man who looks like he could survive the winter. I need either one of you to step up to the plate here or I need one of you to find someone who will. And within three hours I had my date. It just is a little- Did you say that looks like he could survive over winter? Yeah, that's my type. I don't like that thin man. And for context, how tall are you Hannah? You're like 6'2", or something, aren't you? I am 6'2". So the tall, it's not just because you like tall guys, it's because you just are tall. You need to... Yeah, I could be a bit brave and stop being so shallow, frankly, but I think that for me, I generally only dated men who were taller than me. Yeah, it's not because it's just my preference, I am usually taller than most men. So I am actually the ideal height that women want. like in a man. So I'm looking for someone tall. And I had this, what's great is that I had a guy slide in and say, oh, I would love to come. I'm in New South Wales. It's a few hours away. So I know that's a bit weird, but I'm more than prepared to drive. And this is a bit funny. It's a bit cute actually. But I remember at the end of last year, I had this moment where I was like, am I even attractive? I had a bit of a meltdown one day, must've been pre-period. And I was like, I can't do this. I have, you know, there's no men on the roster. What's going on? And I remember going like, did any hot men follow me from my progressive platform as it all just feminist women? And I remember going onto one of my photos and going through the likes on that photo and seeing his profile. Stop. And I clicked on his profile and went, he's really hot, my confidence is back. And just exiting out of his profile and not doing anything, right? And I thought, ooh, a hot man is a feminist who follows me and likes my hot photos. I feel good about myself. And it was that man that slid in and was like, I'll be your date, please. A bit, bit. Could it be a bitter story? I know, and the other thing is one of his female best friends, also for all of his friend group really follows me, like a lot of his female friends, and I had this girl slide into my DMs at the same time that he did, and she sent his profile and said, this is one of my good friends, he's six foot four, he loves to naked garden and go camping on adventures. And she goes, he lives a few hours away, but he's your man, he will drive for you. And so then he didn't know about that either, so then I had to tell him on the date night, your friend messaged me. It's meant to be like, yeah, you're inviting us to this wedding because that is like, a cool story. And it was amazing. He all like everyone brought something to the date as well. So like, you talk us through, you found your dates, talk us through from the arrival. Yes. So we said Friday at 6pm and we decided we weren't going to put on dinner. We're not doing the wife or girlfriend experience. We were just going to do like, like a cheese board and some drinks. And so the They all arrived at 6pm. My date came 10 minutes early. He'd driven four hours, he booked a hotel, and then he... I'm more comfortable talking about my date too because I know my friends have boundaries, but I'm like, that's why I'm focused on it, because I want to respect everyone's boundaries but not my own. So he turned up 10 minutes early and he had brought, oh my god, he had brought a loaf of bread that he had made in his bread maker for us. Yes? Yes. And three plants, one for each of us. They're all different plants. And he said, whichever one suits your personality to each woman. Had he pre-chosen the person, like made a judgment on the personality or it was like free for all? Free for all. Choose your fighter, basically. And it was like a sun-dried tomato and herb, like focaccia or like loaf. And he brought his bread bag and he had like booked a hotel so that he wasn't like, I don't want to. He had driven four hours one way for the date. So each way drove four hours. He booked a hotel because he was like, I don't have the expectation that anything's happening here, but I'm not going to drive home. And like, so that's an organized man. He'd bought new shoes for the date. It was delightful. He turned up. Excellent form. That was the first arrival. Then the other two turned up promptly. We're both on time. One brought wine. Everyone looked and within the first 10 minutes, I was like, this is going to be fine. The energy was great. Everyone was a bit nervous. When the guys walked in the door, they each had a shot. Nice. And so... One of the best parts was my date actually brought a cocktail making kit and he made the cocktails for us and took the guys inside and like made the cocktails. Wait, your date brought plants, bread and cocktail making. And cocktail kit. And drove four hours and booked a hotel room and bought new shoes. Correct. Why am I getting a red flag here? I, are you getting a red flag? This is not a red flag. Like. I love that trying. is flying a red flag. Is this too much? No, I don't think so. I think part of it is as well, like this is someone who's followed me on Instagram on my personal account and my company account for like more than a year and is like a subscriber. And so there is a level here of like, obviously because yeah, but not like, I think I love, no, I get it. Joe's being defensive. No, what I. I was defensive too, because I've been dating for two years and I've literally been begging for a text back from some guys who can't organize a date or wipe their own ass properly. So suddenly someone who's making bread and buying shoes and trying really hard seems scary. And a cocktail kit and plants. Yeah, but he'd already said we're going to make cocktails and he said, do you have a cocktail shaker and stuff? And I was like, no. And he was like, well, I'll bring mine. Like we'd spoken about it. We'd had good chat for a couple of days before the date. And like, I like the fact that he was like, I want to bring something rogue. And I'd said, you don't have to, you're already traveling. Like we'd had this full conversation. He's just a sweet guy. I know. Unbelievable. Isn't it? Yeah. Like, like, it's unbelievable for me. Yeah. That's no, and I get that because that's the thing you're saying, red flag. And you're saying it because we are so used to low effort dating that I was the same the two days after the date. I remember being quite avoidant. And I said this to him. I was like, I'm really scared because what the hell are you doing? Like, why are you trying? And so nice. Like this feels unnatural to me because I've not experienced it, which is a really sad state of society if we're scared by someone who's making effort and being consistent and present and all these things, right? When I'm used to being like, oh my God, you know, will I get more than a second date in a month? And will they text me back in three to five business days? Like, that's how bad it is out there. I get a text like, well, when I did date this is years ago, cause I'm just not anymore, but I'd get a text. like after they left or something and they got home and they'd text and be like, Oh, thanks for good night or whatever. And I'd get the ick. I'm like, oh, like too much. You're avoiding. Too much. You are avoiding. You are terrifying. We've all got a lot to learn from this experience. I think it's very funny because Joe, that is a red flag from you. Ah yes, I am a self-proclaimed red flag. But it's funny. But you know, and the night, like the night went like, so they arrive, they, you know, bring everything, they're making cocktails, it's going well. We order takeaway pizza. So we do the cheese board. Then we order takeaway pizza at about 10, 10 PM, 9 PM. And then we all move to a bar because we, the thing we were worried about with the group date was like, how do you make it a group experience, but also split off into couples? The other thing that I love that we did is, we have two bathrooms in our place. And so the main bathroom downstairs, we said the guys can use that, and upstairs we'll use my ensuite. And I popped a notebook and pencil in my ensuite so that every time someone went to the bathroom, they could note down and timestamp how they were feeling. And like anything notable that they wanted the other girls to know. Because we didn't wanna be on our phones like texting under the table, but we also wanted like a memory of like how it occurred and progressed. I love it. This is genius. That is like great planning. That was the project manager. That was all me. I'm going to completely take that. Yeah. I was born for it. I was born ready. And it was great because the next morning we literally hung over, sat down and read through the notes and we were like, this is gold. Like I can't repeat it. It's foul. Like it's really foul what's in there. But it was hilarious and so sweet. And we, so we went, the whole night we pissed for the dresser. I did. Okay. That's all right. I was going to say if it was your date out, like, yeah. No, no, I did. Yeah, if my date pays for the... it's over, if you put in that much effort, no. No, I paid for it and then we all went to a bar. And that was the idea, was we could split off. So we had... the notebook was one element of like, how do we track how we're feeling? But we all naturally during the night, like kind of went from group conversation to individual conversation. And then we did like some group question cards, like the conversation cards that people do. And then we went to the bar and I had put up a question box project manager again on my Instagram story, saying, what questions do you ask on a first date? And we just got that out and... Together, the six of us had these, like the boys went round and round and bought the rounds and we had these whiskey apples and asked the questions about what you asked on the first date. And it was like really earnest. Everyone tried really hard and then everyone split off as couples and came back to our house and had a sleepover. Yay! This is amazing. I need to come to Sydney and you need to organize another one, please. It's the only way I'm going to date from now on. Refused to draw any annoyance. But also that's a thing. What I found though, which we all discussed, which is kind of interesting, is I think that there were so many concerns from followers and people who were watching along this content, and it's all saved on my Instagram profile. So if anyone does wanna watch the content, it's all saved there now on my personal account. But the most common things were like, people said like, what about partner swapping? And like, what about, you know, like the competition or will some of the men like be really masculine and try to sort of like alpha? And that was not the issue at all. Like no one actually forsaw the issues that we. actually experienced. So like there was no issue with partner swapping, everyone was very compatible, which I know is rare, and everyone was really earnest and tried really hard. It was actually the aftermath because afterwards you're like we all had this great experience together, but now you're on the same trajectory timelines. So what you find is you're comparing afterward because you're like okay well we've all been on one date on this night so are you going on second date when how much communication are you getting like you start picking at the afterword and like the comparison comes in then I think, which is kind of been also quite an emotional come down because it's such an interesting atmosphere for everyone to be having like such and it feels like four dates in one because you're meeting friends and you're doing all of these high intensity things and having these really like vulnerable conversations in a big group and you can't really replicate it. And so it's like really interesting that the things that people were scared of weren't the problems, it was kind of like a... Emotionally, by Sunday, we were like, we need to have a lie down and decompress. Cause it was like quite a lot. Like, Oh my gosh, can you imagine? Yeah. I talked to one person and then I'm like out for the rest of the day. And so what has happened in the aftermath? Are you all see still seeing the dates? Yeah. Everyone is still talking to their respective date, given it's only been two and a half weeks now, so it was. Yeah, it's been two and a half weeks, but everyone's been on more than one date with the person that they went on date night with. We don't know what's going to happen, but I'm like, you know, mine's quite intense. Like we're going really well. Oh no shit, I could have told you that. So I don't want to speak for my friends. Yeah, I know. But yeah, I don't want to speak for my friends and their privacy, but like it's been going really well. I'm feeling like lovely about it. So what suggestions then would you have for people if they're thinking about maybe they want to be the project manager, they want to instigate this in their friend group? What are some of the like... I mean, you mentioned some of the mistakes with that comparison piece, but what other hot tips have you got for future project managers? I think that if someone's a bit stressed about having a bare house or not having enough conversation, because I know that we are very extroverted people and we went for very extroverted people, I would suggest maybe it would be better to do trivia. Or something where it's like an activity people can get around, but you're still having like a bit of a pub atmosphere and you're having food. And like, you need the good mix of like something to centre around, I think, if you're worried about conversation. And I always would say have something to go to if it's not like a pub trivia or something, because you do need the opportunity to break off. And if things aren't going well for someone, they don't want to be stuck in that environment for like six or seven hours. True. I think that was a key. I think it's also just about like making sure the other people are super aware and locking it in early and like you get a good vibe for someone if they're off or on it, but the worst thing with having someone who's flaky, if you think there's any chance they're flaky, wouldn't do it. I really liked that we didn't do dinner and that we just sort of like let it happen naturally, but I highly recommend the pencil and notebook system. That is hilarious. But yeah, no, I think. I think it's really just about the fact that we're so sick of the way dating is at the moment and it was just a really good opportunity to meet people in a different environment. I also think the key message I would say is don't go into it being like, I want to meet the person I'm going to marry. That is not the way to do this. The way to do this is like, this is an opportunity to meet people and have a bit of fun and like bring back some like fun single girl energy to dating this year and just to see it as like an opportunity and not be attached to the outcome or shit like that. I would just say like go into it like I'm going to meet three new people at least tonight. And whatever happens, happens. It'll be a bit of fun. Nice. Love it. Is there any type of profile you'd be looking for in particular to be asking to come? I think that people can generally tell if they're working with like a fuckboy or a player, and I would say even though sometimes those people have the personality traits of someone who would thrive in that environment, it's not what you're wanting. Cause then you'll be way more insecure about the partner swapping, blah, blah. So I think you're looking for someone that's just like clearly quite extroverted with a really strong social life. and someone that you're like, I trust that they're a good conversationalist and they'll have things to say and I feel comfortable there. Okay. So I'm never going to get invited to this shit. Not if you're the host. I mean, you could be the host. Yeah, you could be the host. Project manager. Yeah. And it sounds like the key there as well as to have that pub option at the end. So that if someone is like clearly not vibing their date, you do all just go and then be like, oh, it's been so fun or I'm going to go home now. Yeah, totally. I do just need to keep, and that's why that's the thing. Have a really clear conversation. the group of people that are hosting, so like us three girls, we had a really clear conversation about like what you need in terms of communication, but also boundaries. So if you're not open to partner-swapping no matter what, you need to say that beforehand. Because like we had all had a conversation where we were like, if a date gets along with someone else better, we're not insecure in the way that we're going to be like, go for gold, have a great time, I'm glad that worked out for you. I think it's about doing it with people that you trust. That's actually the hardest piece is ensuring that it's not going to be like a friendship problem, you know? Yeah. Would you do it like given- Imagine you don't all, you know, end up with life partners from this one experience. Would you do this again? Or would you go back to one on one dates? I wouldn't do it again. And the reason I say that is because it was actually such a good experience that I think it can't be replicated. I think it's hard because I would recommend this to everyone, but I know we got really lucky in like the people that came and how it turned out. So I think to do it again, we'd be like, well, that wasn't as good. So kind of ruin the moment. Whereas for me right now, I'm like, this is golden. Nothing could ruin this sort of thing. But I would highly recommend everyone tries it. And I've done group dates before I've gone and like met someone's group of friends out for a first date. And I think that's overwhelming, but I think this is the right balance. Oh, I love it. We're gonna have to do it Viv. Yeah. Well, not at my cave house. We'll have to go somewhere else. But yeah, this sounds great. We're not doing it in Rotom Rule. All right, so we've got bigger issues than actually picking people from dating apps first. We need a venue first and foremost. I love it. Okay, cool. How many other people have copied you already? How many other people have set up their own group dates? Because I feel like you've got a lot of influence. You've got such a tight community that are all backing you and they want to do the same. Well, actually, one of the things that was pointed out to me quite early was that there's this thing that they do in Sydney. It's called Sydney Soiree. And it's basically this concept, but I think the vibe is like... you do three rounds of meals at different people's houses. So someone, like you go to a house, like a group of four of you will go to a group of four guys at a house and do like an entree. Then you'll move to the next house for your main and then the next house for your dessert. And so you meet like 12 people in a night and like just have shared food and a shared experience. So like, this is an actual company run concept basically. So a lot of people told me they went and signed up for stuff like that and to have it as a more like planned out, like coordinated experience. What I've found is it's not that people have replicated the date, but I've had like 10 people message me and say, I haven't been on a date in 16 years and I just signed up to an app because this looks so fun. And I was like, that's a slight, I'm sorry for the experience you're about to have on a dating app for the first time. I don't endorse that necessarily, but I like the fact that it's like, I just want people to have the takeaway of dating can be fun, you just need to approach it a bit more broadly. And so I think that's the influence I want to have is like have a go and- approach it differently and don't be so serious or stressed about it. Yeah, because I guess ultimately, our perception and you can have all those experiences and you can have that perception of the experience, whether it's good or bad, or whether it's gonna exhaust you or whatever, and you can then choose to or not choose to take that forward with you to the next future dates. And I feel like I had a conversation the other day and a friend was like. Oh, you're single. Oh, you're in the trenches. She's like, you know, a lot of my friends, they're out there in the trenches and it's seen as this like huge big graph, but ultimately like the perception of that is, is up to you at the end of the day. And I really liked that takeaway of being playful with it and having fun. Yeah. And just communicate communicating clearly, like no one's doing that anymore. And I think the thing is be the person you'd want to date in dating. Yeah. Just like act the way you'd want to be acted towards by the perspective partner. Like that's all it is. Looks like you're going to be buying a heap of plants and shit. So you're one if that's how he's acting. So funny. I hope so. I'm not even a plant girl. I'm really not. So he's so alternative for me. What plants did he bring and which one did you choose? There was like three different sized succulents. So they weren't very large. They were like he could just carry them in a little tray. They weren't like that's the thing. It wasn't like he'd overdone it by bringing three trees to our home. Okay. He brought little succulents. So they were like all different shapes and I went for there was one I didn't like and he was like that's my favourite. I was like good. I've upset him. Push him away. Was there like a cactus or something? No cactus actually. No. But yeah, no, he's a, we love someone who tries. We do. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on, Hannah. I really liked your update and I like how this is. I can't wait for him to listen to this. I've also just appreciated- Sorry, whatever your name is. Jo's avoidant response to like all the nice things that were being done. That's made me laugh so much. Awesome. And where can people find you if they again want to watch your Instagram stories or want to keep up with more of your hinge profile reviews or just your general political and feminist goodness? So my company is at teakmedia.co and then my personal account is Hannah Ferguson with three underscores because apparently my name is super not original. So that's not the very clicky title, but those are the facts. But just refer to me as Project Narnia from now on everyone. Thank you. Is that in your bio? It should be actually. I'm going to do that right now. Yay. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you for having me. Bye. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off Podcast. If you want to hear more from us you can check us out on Instagram at Girls Get Off, our Facebook group Girls Get Off Uncensored or for any of our products GirlsGetOff.com and our personal Instagrams are linked in the show notes. We've actually got some very exciting news before you go. We have a new toy coming out. So this one is set to release within the next couple of weeks. So keep an eye on our Instagram for more information. And remember that Valentine's Day is coming up in about a month's time. So make sure you send your wishlist to your partner for Valentine's Day or treat yourself to something new.