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A-Z Of One Night Stands

A-Z Of One Night Stands

A – Abort mission

 
You really wanted it to happen earlier in the day but now that they have text you asking for your addy you are considering a full-on ghosting.

 
B – Breakfast in bed

 
They forgot to read the ONS rule book and while the part of you that hates feelings is having a menty b, the other part of you that likes attention is absolutely thriving right now.

 
C – Cut lunch

 
You honestly can’t take Britney anywhere. She’s not only super hot but she’s slightly clueless and decided to come chat with you and the person you’d been grafting all night. Renegade barbie strikes again.

 
D – Don’t have a condom


You’ve got two options, stick to strictly hand stuff and high school-style snogging or run.

 
E – Everyone knows

 
Tension had been building for months so when you and your work crush left the works do early everyone knew exactly what was happening.


F – Freak Flag is flying

 
You don’t know whose hand is whose right now. Something has come over you and (with their permission) you’re trying every freaky thing Cosmopolitan stored in their sealed section.

 
G – Guilt trip

 
We don’t like this one. If they are guilt tripping you into something you don’t want to do, show them the door.

 
H – Hand God

 
It’s rare but sometimes they are just so good with their hands you come right then and there and need approximately 10 minutes to find your composure.

 
I – It’s not you, it’s me

 
Everything was fine until you took that tequila shot for an extra bit of courage and now you’re realising you’re way too intoxicated to go ahead.

 
J – Jokes Mcgee


Are you in love with this person or are they just funny? Honestly, at this point you’re not sure but it’s an absolute vibe and you’re pretty sure you’re going to get abs from laughing so much.

 
K – Knobstacle course


This ONS is the minute you realise that if you’re going to be stupid you better be tough. It’s a knobstacle course out there and you’re struggling to navigate it.


L – Large and in charge

 
6’5 with the body of an All Black and he's bossing you around in a hot way non dickhead way? It's a 10 out of 10.


M – Magnum condom

 
The man, the myth, the legend. If it’s your first time coming across this guy, godspeed and good luck sista. Only the freakiest survive.

 
N – Never getting back together

 
This is less of a one night stand and more of an awakening. You ran into your ex and somehow slipped into bed together but it’s here you realise they aren’t ticking your boxes anymore and you are never getting back together.

 
O – Oh my god

 
He whipped you, flipped you and double-dipped you and now you need six months to recover.

 
P – Pegging

 
Look, there is no point in beating around the bush. It’s been on your mind and you’ve been chatting this guy up on Tinder for two weeks. He’s down, you’re down and the date is set.

 
Q – quickie

 
Did it happen? You’re really not sure but you do know a toilet cubicle is a lot bigger than you initially thought.

 
R – Ride em cowgirl

 
Holy heck you really had to work for that big O. You’ve never felt like a western cowgirl more in your life and are definitely going to Les Mills Grit on Monday.


S – Save the best for last

 
This person is a huge believer that foreplay makes up 80% of sex. At this point, you’ve been to heaven at least three times and are pretty sure it can't get any better. And then it does.

 
T – Threesome

 
Why have one when you can have two partners! After the nerves disappear it’s full steam ahead queen. You are living sexily ever after.

 
U – Under the covers

 
Not everyone is into flaunting what their mumma gave them so this one-nighter takes place under the covers. Lights? What are those?


V – Vibing

 
No one panic. The assignment has been understood because they’ve asked where your vibe is and gone full Fergalicious.


W – With benefits

 
You accidentally hook up with your friend and instead of feeling weird about it, you think it comes with some good benefits so it happens again and again and again until one of you catches feels.

 
X - xmhghgrhg


It was so good you don't have words for it.


Y – You can block me but you can’t block me sex flashbacks

 
You and your ex have a weird relationship and often block each other so you don’t hook up again but those pesky sex flashbacks always come back.

 
Z – Zonked out

 
You did the deed and zonked out before putting on your pants or peeing. It’s time to pray to the UTI gods.