Sexy Coms for Singles with Stacey O'Gorman

You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast on all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets, even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. 

Thanks for tuning in to the Girls Get Off podcast. Today we're with a special guest who you might have seen pop up on our social channels before. Stacey O'Gorman is an international woman's holistic sexuality mentor and educator. She's no newbie to the world of podcasts. Stacey has featured on multiple international podcasts including Juliet Ellen's Authentic Sex podcast and Bumble's What We Call Love podcast. Stacey grew up in New Zealand and before diving into women's wellbeing, she worked in the culinary world for 15 years. At 21, she moved to London where she co-founded Moran Girls, an innovative baking brand. Moran Girls popped off fast with a following of over 176K on Instagram, 1.1 million views on individual YouTube videos, and received private orders from the likes of Dior, Chanel, and Stella McCartney, publishing two cookbooks and food styling for Italian Vogue. Despite the rollercoaster success of the business and a well-worn marriage at just 22 years old, the work hard, play hard lifestyle started to take its toll on her wellbeing. Stacey suddenly started experiencing severe anxiety, debilitating exhaustion, lack of libido, and her hormonal health was all out of whack. She struggled to find the capacity for work, life, or play. She finally reached a point where enough was enough and decided to get some help. She ended up selling her business, traveling the world, ending her marriage, and dedicating her life to learning about her body. She dived deeply into studying feminine practices, yoga, embodiment, and sexuality. She has now more pleasure in the last few years than she ever thought possible. She believes our capacity to feel as human beings are truly infinite. She is now furthering her education and is studying holistic sexuality full-time, mentoring women around the world one-on-one, educating through workshops, talks, and podcasts. And thanks so much for coming on the podcast with us, Stacey. Thank you for having me, this is so exciting. Oh, we're so excited to have you on. You're our first guest that we've recorded for this season. Oh, what an honour. Which is cool. And get us started with your background and how you came to be in the role that is you. Amazing, all right, wow. Where do I begin? So my background is in culinary arts and food. So previously to... being in holistic sexuality. I owned a bakery in London and I made sweet treats for lots of big kind of fashion brands and that's crazy in itself to even get to that stage. I know, I was reading the bio on your website and crazy, such a cool story. It feels like a past life now, but yeah, that was like my 20s, I was like a. little rainbow baker in London. Wow. You did that with other, did you do that with other girls? Yes. Marrying girls. Yeah, I started it with another London woman called Alex and then we also got another partner on board like a year in and then we had a big team of girls that were baking for us. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah, it was really cool. It was really cool, yeah. But I guess sort of, So I was running that for six years. And as the time progressed in the business, and I also got married at 22. So I moved to London at 21, started my business like end of my 21st year and then got married at 22. So it was like quite full on. So someone you met in London or you met in New Zealand? We did meet in London, but he is a Kiwi. Oh my gosh. Wow. Yeah, so. We married for love, but also because I've got a British passport, he didn't. We were like, we've got to stay together. So let's marry and get some goddamn visas and stay together. Um, so it was like rushed and young and like super cute and romantic. And then, um, so sort of maybe around the, like my 26th year, um, I started to experience, I've always had like quite intense hormonal health issues. So quite painful periods and I always struggled with acne and like exhaustion, I always just felt quite weak and like, ugh, funny in my body. And I was also like a huge party girl as well. So London was like just really bored out there. The ultimate rager in me. So I was partying hard. I was like in this marriage, I was like in the London lifestyle, which is like fucking full on. You're like. constantly doing things and seeing people and then I was running this business and suddenly my hormonal health really started to deteriorate and I was just starting to feel like deep anxiety and I got to a place where I was really unhappy in my marriage and We ended up like I was not feeling sexual whatsoever and to be honest previous to even being married like my sex life and was very like I'd never had an orgasm until I reached 27. Sex was painful for me. And I just thought, is this it? This is sex, right? All right, well, that's a... Just a bit of a let down. Yeah, wow. And I suppose when you're that stressed, like speaking from personal experience, libido is the first thing to go right. As soon as you start to get burnout or a bit stressed or feeling anxious. Exactly. Catch you later. Catch you later, libido. Like, no. nothing's happening down there. You're like, do not touch me. No one come near me. So then I ended up starting to heal myself, like reading lots of books around healing myself and going and doing like yoga for my stress management. And then my ex-partner and I ended up doing like couples therapy and sex therapy together. And then I was like, I actually can't. do my business anymore, like I need to go and like focus on my health and just like dedicate my life to just like whatever this is. So then we ended up leaving London together and traveling the world for a year through Europe and Asia and India and South East Asia, Sri Lanka, all these places. And I kind of like went around and I studied yoga and lots of kind of women's work and And then started to kind of realise that like the realms of like sexuality were calling me from doing women's work and being like, what actually is it to be a woman? And what does it feel like to be in a woman's body? And how can, like what's all the conditions, societal conditioning that has stopped me from actually being like a fully expressed individual? And then I ended up, me and my ex-partner ended up breaking up. And then I kind of went, I was like, okay, this is where I'm really gonna dive into all of the sort of sex skills and stuff, because it's not, it's kind of like, yeah. So I went in and kind of dived head first into that. And I've unintended, and then, and then what happened? Yeah, that was like four years ago that I went to my first sex school, I guess, and then. And since then I've just been learning around like how to heal my own sexual health and hormonal health and from going to these courses and exploring and really diving into it. I've been able to experience like more pleasure in my body than I ever thought was humanly possible and have discovered like sensations in my body that I never thought were possible and have like my hormonal health has cleared up and I just I just am feeling like alive and vibrant and I really put it down to just like exploring what it is to be a woman and a woman's body and how incredible it is to be like a sexual being on this planet. And so yeah, and so now I'm studying full time with Leila Martin. So I'm doing holistic sexuality with her and I'm offering coaching to women around all things feminine well-being. And the topic that we're going to be talking about today. Yes. Do you want to introduce this one? Okay so this one is called Sexy Combs for singles and it can be for singles and it can be for people that are also in relationship to be honest. A couple of the questions are quite relevant to singles and but this is really an education for anyone that wants to sort of have more connected, more intimate, more expansive sex and feel safe in their bodies while they're doing it because ultimately... safety leads to way more pleasure. And that is something that I feel is left out of our sex education and so important. Because when you first mentioned this topic, I thought, oh, we're gonna talk about, what are we gonna talk about, like texting? We're like, yeah, picking people up and roll up. How does this work? So give us some examples of where this could be used for people who are single or in relationships. What would that look like? Okay, so people that are single, For everyone using this conversation, it's prior to going into sort of intimacy. So perhaps you've hooked up with the person already or you're on your first date or there's about to be a level of intimacy going down. And I think also we're taught that talking too much before you have sex is like a turn off or whatever. But from my experience, it's like being able to share, you know, like your boundaries, your desires, creating safety for yourself before going into it. It just feels like so much better in your body and there's actually like, that is foreplay in itself. Conversation is foreplay and I think that's what's missed out. Often we're just like jumping in and diving in and like going straight to like, we're forgetting all the like magic that can occur from being intimate with someone prior to even touching them. There's just like so much juiciness there. And I see this topic. like is such a good time saver and like disappointment saver. What would you call that? We're just like energy saver. Oh, totally. Like just straight up from the go, you know, you know, whether they're looking for something, whether they're not, whether they're in a marriage. Totally. Just gaining clarity. Yeah, before your mind runs away with it. Yeah. And you've fallen. Love with somebody that... Planning a marriage after the first night. Exactly, we've all done that. We've all done that, guilty. Yeah, it's gonna save a lot of heartache I feel. Yeah. Yeah, totally. What's the first step? All right, first step. So, okay, so what it's called is our BDSM. And it's easy to remember because we all know about BDSM. And we just chuck an R on the front and actually it's missing an A on the end which is aftercare, throw one at the end. And if you wanna talk about theirs, you can talk about that too. But RBDSM is what we're gonna remember for today. AF at the end is pretty good anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that, okay, so the first one being relationship status, so that's for the R. So that is, are you in relationship? Are you single? Are you married? Are you... in an open relationship, are you polyamorous? Like, what is your relationship status? And I think this is a really simple one, but I think there's so many assumptions that are made when we're being intimate with someone, and oftentimes we have no idea about their background or who these people are. So it's like just getting really clear, yeah, I'm single or I'm in a relationship. This is the thing, to be honest, I've never thought to ask anybody, because I just assume that if they're on a date with me, they're single and wanting to date. But then it's like girls find out months later that they've actually been sleeping with a married man. Exactly. Yeah, cause you just assume. Yeah, look, valid question, valid question. Yeah. I know, really valid question and I never thought to ask it. Yeah. Or maybe you're single but you're dating other people and then suddenly you see someone that you've gone and had sex with one night and then they're on a date with someone else but you've not asked them around that. So you don't really have any legs to stand on in terms of being like. you know, fuck that asshole. Like, wow. But that's how you feel because you haven't communicated. Whereas if someone said to you, oh, I'm single, but I've been dating a couple of people and I'm still texting them. And yeah, we're still dating and exploring that. It's like, cool, all right. And then you see them on the date, you're like, oh, that hurts a little bit, but I get it. You know? Yeah, you understand, no surprises. Exactly. So that's number one, our relationship status. Nice, great point. Yeah. Hi, are you married? Yeah, I'm gonna leave with that. How single are you really? Maybe let's not leave with this. Let's do dinner first and then have conversation. I mean, you don't wanna spring this conversation on too soon. It's like you wanna kinda get to know the person first. Like there's a time and a place for it for sure. But I would say before you're about to like have sex with them, it's quite good to do it. Yeah. Okay, so how would you ask them then? So I would just say, hey, I've learnt this really awesome like... kind of communication technique and I'd love to share it with you and it's like a little bit awkward and a little bit uncomfortable but it's also like kind of sexy. Are you open to it? And I feel like okay that sounds cool and most of the time when it comes to anything remotely like sexy, I've found in my experience that people are really open to learning and I'm just open to it. That's a good way to put it. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah, right? I'm too literal. I know! Um, Stacey told me... I need to ask this. Yeah, actually though. Yes, I get it. I get it. Um... Trying a new... I'm trying a new... Avenue for dating. Gonna ask the hard questions first. Yes, I reckon anyone that is remotely someone that you wanna sleep with would be open to having this conversation. Yeah, it's true. You're kinda just like, well, you're not on my level anyway. Totally. Love that. Okay, and then the next one is B, B for boundaries. It's a hot word in the realms of sexuality. And this one is actually, I would say, important for whether you're in relationship or whether you're single. Because every day, especially speaking from my own experience in a woman's body, I'm very cyclical and sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm up for sex and sometimes I'm really not up for sex or sometimes I wanna be held and caressed and sometimes I wanna be fucked or sometimes I wanna just literally know when to touch me or come near me. So... sharing your boundaries, whether you're in relationship or not, it can be ever-changing. And your boundaries are something that are definitely not set in concrete, but are really beautiful guides for the experience. So with boundaries, if you're about to have intimacy with someone, and say you're about to have sex with them, it could be that... Or you just want to be intimate with them first, without having sex with them. It might be, oh, my boundary is I don't want to have penetrative sex with you. Or I don't want any penetration whatsoever, but I really am open to you like touching my body and like kissing me and like I really yeah, like whatever it is, whatever your boundary is. Or if you're about to like really get like raunchy with them, it might be like, okay, like I'm really open to being like barked, but I don't like don't go near my asshole. I just love how you said the word raunchy then. I wish we had a camera on your face. Like you say the word raunchy with so much expression. Expression. Okay, so after you ask them to be married, hands off my butthole. Precisely, precisely. Cool, okay. And these boundaries are just based on however you're feeling at the time and you're just being really open about that. Yeah, exactly. And if you're not sure about what your boundaries are, because oftentimes I don't think we are, You can think back to an experience that you've had and where it's just been like, oh, you've just been sitting there and kind of grinning and bearing it or feeling quite like it was obligatory to be there. I know as speaking from my own personal experience, I've had many sexual encounters where I've been like, oh, I can't fucking wait for this to be over. And I've not said anything because I haven't known how to say anything or I haven't been learned, I wasn't taught communication techniques as a, you know. sexually active teens, so I just thought, oh, this is it, you know? But like speaking up and noticing, okay, actually it's gross when someone touches my ear or my, whatever it is, part of your body that you don't like to be touched. So referring to that and using that. How do you ask someone else about their boundaries? Well, this, sorry, I should have said this at the beginning. This is a communication experience. You're both doing it together. So you do ah and then. You do R and then I do R and then you do B and then I do B. You're not just trying to... I'm just trying to slip these steps into a thing, not actually go through the whole process. No, it's like a game. I don't know. We're not really strangers or whatever. You know, it's like... Gotcha. But you could. Oh, that is way easier. I was like, how am I gonna slip the R into the... Communication on Viv's gallop. Gallup Strengths fighter 33 out of 34. Oh my gosh, amazing. You're killing it. No, no, no. That's the worst. Oh. This is just a perfect example. So putting my thoughts and feelings into words is like not my... Not a strength. Okay. But that's okay. We have other ways. And think about the other person then at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ain't gonna let them talk before. I'm glad you thought about it. Yes, I'm like, okay. So you're actually playing this as a game? Yeah, a game or just like a- I wouldn't call it a game. Let's play a game. They might get a bit over excited. This new thing. We're doing a new thing. Okay, so you're gonna talk about both of your boundaries. Yeah. Like what are your boundaries? You know, like we could do it right now if you want. Oh my God, I love it. Yeah, like it's an exchange and it's actually, it is truly foreplay. Like it's hot to talk about this. Okay, I'm with you now. Like, yeah, you're on it, you're on it. But yeah, so then after boundaries, any more questions on boundaries? No, got the boundaries. Okay, cool. Okay. And then we've got desires, which is like a juicy one. So desires are like, how you want to interact in that particular experience. So it could be that you desire for him or her or them to kiss every little inch of your body from your little toes to the top of your head. And you really love it when they spend at least half an hour getting intimate with your titties or that you love being fingered in a certain way or whatever it is, massaged before you go into it, or this feels really good in my body. So like expressing what feels good to you because oftentimes I think there's a huge expectation that the people that we're being intimate with, that they just know what we want and it couldn't be more further from the truth. And then we go and we bitch behind their backs to our friends and we're like, oh my God, that person was so rubbish in bed or. Oh, they had no idea what they were doing, like, honestly. I think that concept as well is not just in a sexual sense as well. If someone is complaining about how someone else should have just known what they... known how they should have... what you wanted or something, that's probably the same, possibly, in their working life or other areas of their life where they get annoyed at people for doing a certain thing, but they've never had the conversation about what they want in the first place, right? Exactly. Totally. Yeah. It's... totally relative to everything. And yeah, I think all of these tools are like relative to basically just life. Yeah. Sex is life. Yeah. But you're so right, like girls are so, and guys too probably, so quick to judge if it was a bad route. Like just, you know, tell everybody about it really, don't they? Exactly. And yeah, it's like, did you actually talk and ask what they wanted? Yeah. How they liked it. Yeah. Great points. Great points. Okay, desires. Desires, yeah. And then the next one, not so sexy, but very important, sexual health. So do you have any STIs? When was the last time you were checked? Holy shit. If you haven't been checked between the person that you had sex with last, like do you know if they were checked? Like when was the last time you were checked? That's where it gets like a hard conversation, hey. I like how this is slipped in after desires. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get hot and then you're like, okay, let's bring it back down. I'm like. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. I'm like, oh, that got exciting. It's edging, we're edging here, guys. On a scale of one to 10, how likely do you think it is you have chlamydia? Exactly. Again, very important. Yeah. So important. So important. And it's interesting because I've been with people where... Would anyone own up to it? That would be my issue. This is what I'm saying is, in one of the sort of sex schools that I went to, a container that I was in, there was someone that owned up to it. To that I, before we'd had any kind of like sexual encounter, the person expressed to me that they did have something going on. And honestly, it was the most educational, like... incredible experience and I felt like zero judgement and I just felt like thank you so much for telling me that and like I would love to explore with you in other ways that aren't like penetrative just for my own safety and this experience but thank you and I like honestly I almost felt like hot for the person because they were so honest and honest of what was happening with their body in that moment. That's so good hey. And there are a lot of people who don't get Yeah. Totally. Valid question. Valid question, important question. Yeah. And then if once you know that, you can just be like, oh, relaxed in my body, you know, I don't have to worry. Let's move to M. Yeah. Like you. Yeah. M's a scary one, M's a scary one. So M is meaning. And so meaning, it's a big one. I think it's a really, I think this one's one of the scariest ones to share. And that is what does this, particular encounter mean to you. And so it might mean to you that it's like no strings attached, that it's a one night stand and that you're just keen to like get freaky. Or it might mean that, you know, every time that I get, I'm intimate with someone, actually I end up like, catching feels. So this, like, it's quite significant for me to have penetrative sex with someone. Or, you know, it might mean that like, oh my God, I'm actually... I actually really quite like you and I'm actually really open to being in a relationship or whatever it is for you, whatever is true to you is when this is when you would share that piece and this comes back to kind of what you were talking about in the beginning around it being a time saver because often times we have sex with people and then we have all these expectations but we've not communicated what it means to us and then six months down the line we're still having sex with the same person and they don't want the same things as us. we're looking for completely different things. And it's just like painful and a time waster. And it's just like, oh God, I wish we clarified that at the beginning. I know. And again, such a good thing to bring up before sex rather than after, because it would hurt a lot more hearing it after, wouldn't it? Imagine if you went through these questions just straight after and they were like, oh no, not wanting anything. And you were really into this guy. Totally. You would feel like you needed to shit. Yeah, you can't change what they're thinking. Can you? No, no. It's like, yeah, I want what I want. Yeah. Because I want something different doesn't mean I'm gonna want that. Exactly. And I think it's actually really beautiful and it either like opens you up way more to that person or it's like, okay, well maybe we don't have sex but we can still fool around a little bit. But like, good to know. Then at least you're going into it. Again, no surprises. Exactly. Exactly, and something changes down the track, then it changes down the track, but at least it's all out in the open and you're not getting disappointed and waiting for that text every five minutes. Exactly, which is the shittiest feeling, you know? Plus, even if you're not sleeping with them for six months, even if it's like six weeks or less, at least you're not even using up any of your brain energy on thinking about what it is supposed to be or not wanting to have the conversation yet, because yeah, beforehand is perfect. It's an energy drainer and I like that, hey. Oh my gosh, it's such an energy drainer. And just like, yeah, constant. You don't even realise it and you're like, oh, have they text me? What's happening? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, so that's our BDSM. And then AF. So A is for aftercare. This is actually, I would say, the most important piece of all. And so when we're talking about aftercare, it's like, what do you need to feel safe and held and supported after being intimate with someone? So it might be that I actually just really want you to like hold me for at least 20 minutes after we have sex, or I'd actually really like you to follow up tomorrow with like a text just acknowledging this experience, or. I'd really love you to make breakfast for me in the morning or whatever your expectations of the person are. Can you imagine if the guy said, cook me eggs? I can't just like. I would be like, hard actually. Sure. I'd love to. Thank you so much for letting me know what your needs are. Yeah. That's so funny. Well, I'm gonna leave at 6 a.m. in an Uber. Yeah. Yes, but I think often like after like a one night stand or even when you're in relationship, sometimes your partner might jump up and rush to the shower straight after sex and you're like, hold on a minute, I just feel abandoned or so like really. So true, I just realised that I have actually been doing this. What do you mean? Do you? Well, not the whole order or anything, but you know, like, oh, my line seriously for so long, now I'm a nun. When I was maybe picking up, yeah, I'd totally lead with, do not text me. Oh great, oh yeah, good. I was like, don't remember where I live. Like don't. Might not have been the best way to go about it. Yeah, but they were really special. There were a couple. Don't text me. I attract clingers, do not text me. Oh my god, you would say do not text me to the people that you were intimate with? I just realised how ruthless that was. No, but I think, I mean it's clear communication. Yeah. But then they bloody text, don't they? Did you have these conversations before you were intimate or after you were intimate? No, oh. Like in the morning, do not text me, okay cool. Okay. Thanks. I feel great. It's really good everybody. At least I'm honest. Yeah, that's pretty honest. I wanna hear about more about you becoming a nun. Oh. No religion involved? Yeah, no religion involved. Good place to start. I have... just come to a point in my life where I wanna find the right person. And for me, just anything to do with self pleasure, sex, all it does is make me fucking horny and do things that I don't particularly want to do. And so my whole tactic at the moment is to go completely none. Um, Viv's trying her hardest to leave samples. You know, I'm just tempting you. She leaves five breaded samples and erotic gel and stuff on my desk. I'm like, get it away. Get it away. But, um, yeah, I also haven't had a drink in a while. Um, so we will see how that pans out tomorrow. If I can continue. To abstain. Okay, you're gonna have some drinks tomorrow. I probably should call it something different than none life. None life. Celibacy. Yeah, that sounded all too serious. Yeah, oh yeah, celibacy. Is celibacy the right word? That's the right word. Unlife might be offensive. Yeah, it could be. Yeah. We'll have to ask a none. True. Yeah. I might need to come up with something else for that. Anyway, that's the plan. I don't know. Yeah, we'll see if the plan works. I love this for you. I really love this for you. I think that's awesome. Thanks, worth a try. I think that's fricking awesome. Okay, all right. Back to RBDSM AF. AF, AF. Okay, so aftercare, we got there, didn't we? We're clear on aftercare. Yep. Okay. Do not text me. Because then if you, because I suppose if you said that before you're intimate and you're like don't text me, they could then use that information. Well I know I've like, even before we go home, I hope the wrong people don't listen to this podcast, but before we go home, I'll be like no, I track clingers, like not coming. Yes. Yeah. So I start the conversation there. Start the conversation. Yeah. I'm pretty clear right the way through. I feel like that's amazing. I think that's awesome. And I also think, yeah, like, and oftentimes, I think, with experiences that I've had in the past, I think, or in friends' experiences of like being like, oh, I don't need anything, actually. I actually don't need anything. And then like, in your case, it feels like you really just don't want them to text you. But I think in some cases... we'll say, oh, I don't need anything. And then like, sometimes you do, but you just feel like it's- Oh yeah, you gotta be honest. You gotta be honest about what you want. Like if you're gonna do it, yeah. Because I think we're also taught that like, to ask for what you want can be needy. There's like a neediness element to it. But actually, I think it's really hot and sexy and clarity is like really beautiful. So yeah. I had this, and I think if everyone was honest, it would kind of help. because I had this guy texting me a few weeks after and he was still going, I can't work out whether you're just pretending and you really want me to keep chasing you or I'm like, you are wasting your time. Do not text me. And honestly, that was weeks of just getting these messages and he's like, would you mind if I wasted your time on Sunday? Oh, can you waste my time on Sunday? Yeah, the clingers. Wow. I'm like, was this the Tinder one? No, no, that was some gig we went to. What? You're like, don't waste your time. And then he's still coming at you. Yeah. Thinking that was a honestly, I attract biglingers. And it's like crazy. Yeah. You should block him. Yeah. Yeah, because then you said what you then you've got. legs to stand on as you mentioned earlier. Yes, exactly. Yeah, so funny. Anyway, what was F? F is fares. And fares, I think, you don't have to use this one. This is like, fares can be advanced. We can put that in advanced category. But fares is like if you feel called to share any fares that come up for you in the bedroom or when you're being intimate with someone. So for me, in the past, like I've been intimate with someone and I've always had quite a deep fear about being on top. I love to be submissive and for someone to throw me down, but being the kind of dominator or being the person that's taking control has been a huge fear of mine. I've been working through it recently. exploring that with someone that feels open to like making you feel super empowered when you're in that position so or whatever your fears are, whether your fears are like I don't know like if you've got a fear of I don't know, someone going down on you or whatever it is, which is quite a common one, or fear of giving a blowjob or whatever your fears are, like expressing that and then maybe there's like a conversation that can come up there around like how the other person likes it or what they love about your body or yeah, it's quite a scary one but I think it can be super empowering if it's done with the right person and there's like an openness around it. And that's actually probably something that you push to the side. Definitely. Like normally, hey, you'd just be like, oh, just. Oh my God, we just don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we never do that. And we never speak of it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but then if, like, for me personally, one of my values is to kind of like explore it all and like, you know, liberate myself sexually. So if that's a value of mine, then it's like, okay, I've got to overcome these fears. And then when you kind of do it, there's just such a sense of like openness and expansion. that comes from that and it's like, oh, I experienced this new thing, you know? And it's so exciting. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Okay, so this whole conversation, this new thing, this activity that we're playing, the RBDSMAF. Yes. Yeah, it's in there. Oh, I just died, I thought. Oh my God, oh my God. Okay. Jo just saw the SD card wasn't in there, but it is. It's a micro SD that sits inside there. Don't worry, I've had a podcast before where I didn't press record, so now I'm a little bit extra vigilant. Okay, nice. Initially when we started talking about this, I was thinking in my head, which is why I was so confused, I was picturing two people at a restaurant having dinner. And then that's why I thought all these different things had to be like, you know, and sort of throughout the night. But are you saying all these things while you're... out for dinner, are you on the couch, like wear it, it's just any time before you're into it. Not out for dinner Viv, do not. Not out for dinner. You will not make it home if you bring up this compensation, you gotta, you gotta make it sexy Viv. No, no, that's why I'm asking, that's why I'm asking. This is a great question. Cause that is the first thing that popped into my mind, because wasn't it when you first meet them? This is so funny because I've told people about this before and then someone's like, some of my friends have been to me like, I just was having coffee with this new guy that I met and I bought up the RVDC and he told me and I was like, oh no no. Yeah, see? And we'll scare them off differently. You did it wrong. Which is why you've got to already be like in the moment with them, like know that it's kind of going further. Okay. Yes, exactly. So you kind of want to be in a position with them where you know you've already been pretty sexy with them. Right. You've hooked up. like there's something else that's gonna happen there. The initial like, are you married thing? I thought that was happening quite early on. Well, this is the thing, I quite like this, how you've put this question, because actually you could weave it in through the night, depending on the comfortability of the encounter. A in the first half an hour. Yes! You could weave parts in. What was the first one? Relate, ah. Relationships. You're in the first half an hour. You could definitely talk about that at a first date. Jump into boundaries. Yeah. Absolutely. You could just like, yeah, you could you could either talk about it being like, you know, a game or a like a new communication tool that's like a little bit edgy, but like fun with them once you've been intimate, or you could weave in, you could talk about it from an educational standpoint at your date, for example, like, oh, I've learned this new thing, but like, obviously, we won't go into it now. But basically, this is what it is. and then you could bring it back later and be like, well, shall we do it? You know? I just feel like if you called it a game, like their excitement level would like get up and then we would just be like a disappointment. But no. You're asking them when their last sexual health checkup was. Oh, this is actually fucking serious. Oh, I see, it's not a game. It's not a game. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who did it at a coffee shop or something. Yes, no, totally. So one of your friends did it at a coffee shop. One of my friends did it actually at home. She just invited them, someone around for a cup of tea. And then it was like, I did it at BDC when I was like, no. No, you don't do it again. That's so funny. But it's still something comes of it because it's such like, it's kind of like, yeah, like what I referenced before, like the kind of like what we call love cards or the Esther Perel cards that she's created that like sparks a conversation that's deeper than just like. what do you do for a living? Or like there's a level of intimacy that can stem from that. And also it's just like, I will very much say this as someone that has fully broken the laws of RBDSM AF, but basically it's just a guideline. It's not something that you need to stick to like rigidly and like have this like, you know, it doesn't need to be awkward. It can just be like, and oftentimes like I've set my boundaries pace and then. moments later and having energy to do that. Two drinks later, those boundaries. Break them down. But I haven't felt that good in the morning for doing that, do you know what I mean? So on the nights that I have used the tools and techniques and then I've like fucking stuck to my thing, I'm like, God, that was empowering. And then the times when I've talked about it, but then maybe gone against some, a few of the things that I've said, like it's still been a beautiful experience. I've noticed a sense of like, oh, I probably shouldn't have. Well, it doesn't feel that great to me that I did that last night, but now I know. Well, I'll fill you in on Sunday. Can't wait. How it goes. After a few roses. How my nun life. Yes. R-B-D-S-M-A-F goes. I can't wait. And I won't ask someone at the table. Boundaries. I'm a nun. I mean. Nothing. You could experiment with asking someone at the table. I'd be interested to know what's been here, how they got there. It's a funny conversation. Well, I just don't know whether my, yeah, it'd be a real good exercise for my communication because I'm not too creative with the delivery, so. I feel like we need to put like an earpiece in your ear on your next date. Oh my God. And like help you out a little bit. Oh my God, yes. Although, not me, not me. I'm not good at dating either. Yeah, maybe we get a professional dating expert. Absolutely. I love it. Well that was really cool. So great. Thank you. And such a great tool I reckon. So you've told some of your friends about it, you must have told some of your clients, what are some of the outcomes that you've had, not just, I mean you've spoken a little bit about your own learnings from it, but how about for some other people in your life? Yeah, I've had everyone that I've ever spoken to that have, that has used these tools. has experienced profound shifts in their sexual experiences with people that they've encountered. So in terms of the openness that they felt in their bodies from creating that safety within themselves and in terms of the levels of depth that they've been able to go to and the things that they've been able to explore and the conversations that it's opened up and they've gone places that they probably wouldn't have gone. if they hadn't had expressed their desires or they hadn't had expressed, you know, like what their boundaries were or what their boundaries weren't, you know, or what their fears have been or whatever it is, it just opens this whole new container of like what's possible in the bedroom, which is really exciting. And yeah, I've only had really good feedback on it. you know, apart from the funny times when they've been like, well, I bought it up at a cup of tea and I'm like, that was wrong, we should have, we should have talked about that. Yeah, I can see it being like a, something that kind of deepens the. You don't want to call it a relationship. You might both find out you do want to do anal on the first date and then that'd be great. Exactly. So you don't have to hold back. Oh my God, you do not hold back. You just get it. Yeah. And whether it's gonna be for one night or what, you would have a deeper connection just by communicating a bit. Totally. Yeah. And it's just a huge kind of like consent piece for your body as well. And I just think, yeah, it just, safety is the biggest word that I would say this conversation brings to. your intimate interaction and I think that just opens up so much space. Yeah, it's a pleasure. Yeah, if you feel safe. Yeah. How cool. Well, that's been amazing, Stacey. So many good takeaways. I'm sure we're going to get such good feedback from this. And moving forward, we know that you are starting a podcast soon. Do you want to tell us a little bit about where people can find you, the name of that podcast, maybe your Instagram channel? Absolutely. So as I mentioned at the beginning, I I'm a holistic sexuality mentor and educator, and I do one-on-one kind of mentoring, coaching with clients. And I also am starting a podcast, which I'm starting to record next week, which is called Finger Food. And it's all about intimate conversations around pleasure and sexuality with a really interesting, diverse range of like really beautiful, liberated individuals. Yeah, that'll be coming out hopefully late February. And you can find me on Instagram. My handle is stacey with an E-Y dot O dot gorman. So S-T-A-C-E-Y dot O dot G-O-R-M-A-N. And that's it really. Amazing. Yeah. Thank you so much, Stacey. Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. We would love your ratings and reviews on whatever podcast platform you are listening from. Each week, Joe and I will pick one of our favorite, most creative reviews to win a Missy Mini. So get reviewing, it really helps us a lot. Thanks for listening.