Penis Play and Better Sex with Males ft. Cam Fraser

You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast in all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self-loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. 

Thanks for joining into another Girls Get Off podcast. Today we're joined with Cam Fraser, certified professional sex coach, certified sexologist, registered counselor and registered tantric yoga teacher. Cam hosts the Men, Sex and Pleasure podcast. And if you haven't already, make sure you check out his Instagram at the Cam Fraser. His content is second to none. After many requests from our Girls Get Off audience for tips and penis play, we couldn't think of anyone better to chat with. After all, nothing boosts a girl's confidence more than when you feel like you know what you're doing. We'll also chat with Cam about maximizing pleasure for couples. So welcome to the podcast, Cam. Yeah, thank you so much for inviting me on. I'm excited. Did you like our attention seeking stories to try and get you on the podcast? I think I was saying before we recorded my other emails must have gone to spam. A little bit explicit, I think. Yeah, well, they did get my attention. So you definitely work. That's for sure. I love it. And I was reading the about section on your website and your qualifications are like as long as my left arm. How did you go from it looks like you started with a BA in psychology and then you've built up this whole like the fora of like certificates and qualifications under your belt. How did you fall into this category? Right. So what like my own lived experience really informs like the work that I do today. So as a younger man, for about 10 12 years ago, I was really disconnected from my sexuality, really disconnected from my masculinity, really disconnected from the young women that I was being sexual with as well. I was drinking quite a lot. It was probably a period of about four years where all the sex that I had within that four year period was not sober. That was when I was at university in America, my college days. And I was really wrapped up in performance, like what sex looked like and how long I could last and how many orgasms I could. you know, help my partner have and just really like the approach that I had to sex was not conducive for actually enjoying the sex that me and my partners were having. And so very serendipitously, I actually fractured my lower back, I injured my spine through it was a stress fracture through playing competitive sport. And so as part of my rehabilitation, I was introduced to Pilates and to yoga and through yoga, I was introduced to like meditation to breathwork to you know, massage to all these other modalities, I suppose. And so, you know, at the time that this happened, I was studying psychology at university, and I was I was, you know, seeing a counselor, and I was talking about like my issues that I had around like not feeling like a man not feeling man enough, you know, the stories that I had around masculinity and feeling like really ostracized from my friends and feeling like quite unhealthy in terms of like the way I was showing up as a man in the world. And then I injured my back and I started like going to rehabilitation and started listening to my body for the first time. And I started noticing that like by unpacking my conditioning around what it meant to be a man and you know, which is very stoic and you know, assertive and dominant and you know, especially sexually has to be like knowledgeable when take charge and like not ask questions because if you ask questions that you know, you're admitting that you don't know something so you and you should be the one who knows everything and you're the active participant and women are the passive participant. that very old paradigm way of thinking about sex. And so as I unpacked that, I started to see like some improvements in my sex life. But then also as I started doing like massage and breathing and like listening to my body and slowing down, I started noticing that I was actually like feeling more, you know, literally, somatically, sensorially, like feeling a lot more sensation in my body. And so I was like, wow, this is, you know, helping me last longer because I was learning how to breathe and relax. I wasn't so tense and pent up because I was like, more focused on how it was feeling. I started like talking to my partner, like, Hey, how does it feel for you? Like, what's going on for you? What do you enjoy? And so just, you know, snowballed from there into like, this realization that talk therapy and counseling as well as like massage and yoga and tantra and all this other beautiful stuff together really help destigmatize sexuality and pleasure and are really conducive for like, going on a journey to discover more about sexuality. And so that like was the big light bulb moment for me and I was like, this is a there's a career here, there's something that I would love to do, right. And so I ended up getting my bachelor's degree in psychology, then I went into some post grad degree in counseling and in sexology, quickly realized that, you know, talk therapy by itself was like really limiting for me, because I had also done some training in yoga, some training in massage, some, you know, sacred sexuality stuff, tantra stuff that I wasn't really able to draw on when I was working as a talk therapist. And so I was like, what else can I do in terms of like working with people that allows me to draw on a bit more of a holistic approach to working with clients. And so I found the umbrella term coaching and then specifically niching as a sex coach. And really the stuff that I talk about today, like to summarize this all the stuff that I talk about today that the work that I do is the stuff that I wish someone had told me 1012 years ago as a younger man. I wish I hadn't taken me 15 years to figure out. But there wasn't really anyone, you know, 15 years ago, there wasn't any men really talking about sexuality in this particular way, at least not that I could find. So I really wanted to like be, you know, what's that phrase from Gandhi, be the change you wish to see, right? I wanted to be that guy who, you know, younger guys could kind of speak to about sexuality, about masculinity, about pleasure in a bit more of an open, candid, accessible way. And so the stuff that I... do today is the stuff that, you know, I'm essentially talking to my younger self, a younger version of myself. That's kind of what I'm doing. So I feel like what you described is what the majority of men I have met in my life, um, their outlook would be to, yeah. So I'm sure it's really relatable, um, to a lot, a lot of people out there. Yeah. Thank you for listening to my spiel just then. I appreciate that. No, no problem. No problem. It's amazing. Your whole story. I think what I think I've We were up in Auckland a couple of months ago, and I was very hungover. I think, feet up on the dashboard, kind of like struggling in the front seat. And Vivint told us about some of your reels she'd seen. So I think I spent most of our trip back just holding up my phone and we were watching all the reels on. how to not jack off like a monkey and stuff. Yeah, I watched those in the back of an Uber. I don't know why. It was like the middle of the day and I was like, Oh, this is a good content room cam. And I was like, man, you need to see this kind of content. This is amazing. I know stuff that people need to see. Because yeah, for girls, like, as you know, we're all about encouraging girls getting off in whatever way, shape or form that is. And one thing with found that confidence in knowing what to do to pleasure their partner is a big part of that. Like girls want to know what guys like. I think we've done some questions on our stories before and the amount of times it comes up that guys need to like moan or tell us what they like, you know, it's just such a basic thing but girls just kind of have no idea what they like or what to do because yeah. I think, yeah, I am guys are listening. Let us know. I'm a big proponent of, um, you know, a big advocate for like communication, of course, like it's such a cliche saying, but communication is key, but like the, the white, like everyone says communication, like work on communication, but it's like, okay, well, how, what do you do? What does communication look like? And so you're right. Like just. making some nonverbal communication could be a beautiful place to start, like just moaning or sighing or even grunting, like offering some sort of nonverbal, so like some sort of like, you know, just sound, I suppose can be a great place to start. And then something that I'm encouraging for a lot of men or people that have a penis is like when you start to sell pleasures, like don't just jack off like a little forest monkey, right? That's what the whole point of those reels was. Because a lot of guys, I speak to a lot of guys about the way that they self pleasure, whether they masturbate, and the reason why they can't ask for like, certain things that they like, or when they get asked by their partner, like, how else would you like me to touch you? The reason why they don't have an answer to that question is because for the most part, whenever they're by themselves, they're just friction based up and down jackhammer style masturbating. And it's very, you know, they find a stroke that works for them, and they stick with that stroke. And it's very, you know, habitual, it creates a pattern in their body. And they don't explore, they don't explore what other pleasures are available to them. They don't try a bunch of different stuff with their, with their genitals, their, their testicles, their, their penis, whether it's flaccid or erect. So they don't have an answer to that question because they actually haven't done the exploration or experimentation. So I'm a big advocate for guys like just explore, I mean, for people in general, but for guys in particular, like exploring their body when they're by themselves so that they feel a bit more comfortable talking about what turns them on. what turns them off what they don't like as well in the in the bedroom. Because it all starts with your relationship with yourself. Yeah, that's the advice we give to people following us and everything as well all our community it's like get to know yourself is you know, the best the best way to start so it's great that guys need to do the same thing. So in the in the because I think that goes both ways right I think that there's a lot of women also out there or people who identify as one who masturbate in the same way. And then that was obviously like you say is forms, habits and whatnot. But so if you're in a couple, how can you with your communication, explore these things together? Or is it something that you have to do alone and figure out yourself first? Right. So I definitely suggest starting alone because, you know, we can when we start doing things with our partner, we can bring a lot of like extra baggage or there's extra layers to it, there's extra pressure to it, or there's expectation about it. which can be hard to navigate if we're not comfortable doing it. So I always suggest starting by yourself first, even if you are in a relationship. And that might prompt a conversation about like masturbation within a relationship. Right. Like a lot of couples don't actually acknowledge that they both masturbate in a relationship, right. Or haven't had a conversation about whether they feel that it's appropriate or not appropriate, or whether they have some sort of hang up around like self-pleasuring within a relationship, which is so that's important. That's it. That's a initial conversation to have. Um, and then I would suggest like, you know, uh, this is a very simple practice, but it's like watching your partner self pleasure, like people like, I don't know why, but get like, you know, hung up on it or they find a lot of resistance to it, but it's a really powerful learning tool to, to sit with your partner and watch them touch themselves. Cause the way that they touch themselves when they're by themselves is probably the way that they really enjoy it. Right. Like that's the reason why they're touching themselves that way. So if you start off. that way and go, Oh, look, they're touching themselves in this way. Um, you know, you've got a pretty good understanding then of like, okay, that's where we can start. Cause that's probably what they enjoy. And then from that space of being like, okay, I understand this is a good starting point, you can then maybe invite them to go, Hey, what else would you like to try? Where else would you like to explore? Like now that we're kind of getting the ball rolling and you're starting to experience a bit of arousal and a bit of pleasure, like, would you like to try some new things? Let's try this particular stroke. Let's try this particular, you know, stimulation and see if it works. See if it like is a. you know, a 10 out of 10 and that really works or maybe it's a one out of 10 and doesn't work at all. Or maybe it's somewhere in between and you've got like this, I kind of call it like collecting data about your partner, right? You're you're getting information about them, or even about yourself if you're doing it alone, about what, you know, what works kind of mapping that terrain, right? You're figuring out like, oh, here's like, some stuff that like really works. Here's some stuff that if I'm in the mood, it could work like maybe it's a bit firmer, and I've got to be in the right mood for something. It's a bit firmer. Or maybe this is just like This is out the window every single time. It doesn't work for me at all. So, yeah, calibrating to your partner like that can be a really powerful thing to do. And it starts with just seeing how they touch themselves and starting there. Cool. And leading on from that, I guess a big thing as well is partners often find bringing toys into the relationship intimidating. From a male point of view, is there any tips anyway of introducing the toys? Yeah, my suggestion would be to start small. As you beautifully shared, a lot of men do feel intimidated by toys. So my job is to work with those men, right? And to help them overcome that stigma and that fear. And that's what I'm really passionate about. But for women that are listening, if their partner still has a bit of a hang up on toys, like start with something small, like maybe a bullet vibrator, for example, because it's... not very intimidating, it's not very threatening. It doesn't look like it's gonna quote unquote replace him if that's an anxiety that he has, right? And again, the other half of this conversation is if I'm being like really harsh, I'm like, you don't need to coddle his ego ladies, just fucking go for whatever you wanna bring in. And if he gets upset about it, that's his problem to deal with, not your problem. Right, if I'm being like really harsh, that's probably the other side of the conversation. But if you're like... Feeling compassionate and feeling like, OK, I want to invite him into this space. I want to make sure that he's comfortable with this and kind of go on that journey together. Then, again, starting small, non-threatening, non-intimidating can be a good place to start. There's couples vibrators as well, which are really fantastic. I know WeVibe, for example. I don't work with WeVibe, so this isn't necessarily a plug for them. But I just know they've got a couples vibrator, which is, again, like really non-threatening, really non-intimidating. And it's hands-free as well. So it kind of the way that it sits. on the vulva or like internally on the inside of the G spot and then on the outside of the clitoris allows, when it's penetrative sex allows it to just be hands free and it just sits there. So that could be something to start with. A cock ring as well, super non intimidating, non invasive. It's hands free, it sits there. It enhances his sensation as well. So things like that, that would be my suggestion is to start small. Awesome. I like that. Yeah, you don't want to be bringing out the big guns first time around, do you? Yeah, don't bring out the Sibian on the first time round. Don't bring out this big saddle the first time. Yeah, that could be a bit too much. Yeah. No, I like that finally made sense on why some guys must get threatened or feel like they're going to be replaced if the, you know, because a lot of dildos are just like replicas of penises really. And so yeah. Yeah. And the thing to remember here for like, if there's men listening, or if there's women that want to talk to their male partners about this is like, you know, a dildo, for example, yes, it's shaped like a penis, but it's not a human being, right? It doesn't give you touch, it doesn't gives you doesn't give you any like words of affirmation or like love language, or it doesn't like offer you any other stimulation other than just the penis. Like, I think the reason why a lot of men feel really intimidated by dildos, for example, is because a lot of men think that the only pleasure that they can offer their female partners is their penis. And so they reduce their own sexuality down to their their cock like it's so the terminology there is it's very phallocentric. They think that the only sensation that they can feel the only sensation they can give their partners from an erect penis. And guys, you're so much more than that, right. And I think that's like, that's, again, that's like where my work is really, I think really necessary is for helping men kind of like get out of this mindset that the only thing that they have to offer is their cock when it's not you've got hands, tongues, feet. rest of your body, you've got your language, you've got your presence, right, you've got all your energy, you can bring all of that which a toy can't bring. So that's something that I often talk to men about. And I think one of our most popular segments ever, in fact, I think this is the reason our Instagram account got banned one day, was we ran a segment called What People Should Know About Sexual Feminine and the one, I would say the one biggest recurring theme that came up was like the aftercare. So you know, what's going to happen afterwards? What does that look like? What does that feel like for you? That was just huge. Would you, would you say that was right, Jo? Was that, that stands out to me as being the biggest thing and your dildo is not going to provide that. So happy days. Yeah. 100%. I guess we've been really lucky. I find ourselves really lucky that we've had this audience that we can literally ask what they're wanting to hear. Right. So, I was trying to think this morning of like out of everything, we've kind of asked what, you know, what are the key things. Now, one thing that stands out. So when we asked a while ago, what's the one thing that would improve your sex life? Like, I'm sure it's the other way around too, obviously, but obviously a lot of our audience is female and they said that if my partner lasted longer, I feel like, I feel like as a partner, there's probably tips that we could have to help that process. I'm sure that, you know, there's different things that we're doing that are making them go faster as well. So that might be handy if you have any. Right. Yeah. So this is a, um, fantastic question because it offers an opportunity to like talk a little bit more about the nuance of this. So the, um, the first thing that like comes to my mind when I hear I want my partner to last longer, it's actually two things that come to mind. The first is like, okay, yet we can think of like the surface level to that, um, that question or that like the initial response is like, Okay, during penetrative sex, my partner is ejaculating before I'm ready or before we're both ready. And, um, and so like, that's, you know, one way we can answer that question is like, when there's penetrative sex happening, like, how can I help my partner last longer during that? But the other thing that comes to my mind when I hear it, you know, my partner isn't lasting long enough is. The length of the sex itself. And I mean like sex in a holistic term, not just penetrative sex. I mean like foreplay and the buildup to arousal and the after play and you know, the flirting throughout the day to lead up to the foreplay to the lead up to the sex to lead up to the aftercare, like all that can be extended because a lot of guys, at least from my own observation, and I talked to a lot of couples about this as well. A lot of the way that guys approach sex is straight for penetration, essentially, a lot of guys don't spend a lot of time, you know, again, I don't necessarily like the term foreplay because it tends to like, pedestalize penetrative sex and make everything else seem lesser than but like, for want of a better word, foreplay, or just playing in general sexual play, is not something that a lot of guys spend a lot of time doing. And so when I hear, I'd like our sex to last longer, sometimes the answer to that question isn't necessarily, I want penetration to last longer. Of course it can be, but a lot of the times the answer to that question is I just want the pleasure and the experience and the sex and the holistic sense of the word to last longer, which means fingers, toys, tongues, sexy massage, aftercare, like, you know, exploring different types of stimulation, you know, adding in a bunch of stuff rather than necessarily making penetration last longer. And the reason why I think that is because again, I've spoken to a lot of women, I've spoken to a lot of like female sex educators as well. And one of the most recurring pieces of information to like be mindful of is that penetrative sex for a lot of women isn't what necessarily gets them to orgasm. And so like, when I hear that, you know, especially when I hear this from men that I want to last longer. what they are framing that question as is I want to just keep on penetrating for longer. And I'm like, well, you can do that, but in and out penetrating for 40 minutes isn't necessarily going to be the most pleasurable thing for your partner. So that's, so that's the question. Like that's, so that's what that prompts. So, um, so, okay, so I can answer that in two ways. So the first, like the first way to answer that is, um, uh, if it's penetration and it's specific to penetration that you want to last longer with, um, encourage your partner to breathe. So if you're a female partner, you've got to, um, you're in relationship with a guy or just having casual sex with a guy, encourage them to slow down, encourage them to relax. One of the reasons why guys are ejaculating quickly is because they're very tense and they're very tight. And so if you even, like, if you even pay attention, if next time you're having sex, you look at the way the guys is like having sex, most of the time he'll be stiff and he'll be tight and he'll be like moving in and out like, like hammering in a nail. Essentially. It's very rigid. It's very stiff. Yeah, the jackhammer essentially and hopefully women can relate to that. Um, because that's how I've spoken to a lot of guys about the way they have sex. Um, but that, that tension, especially through the glutes, especially through the hips and the pelvis area is what is contributing to ejaculating quickly. And so if you can encourage him to like, let that tension go from his body and a simple way to do that is just like saying, Hey, slow down, put your hand on his chest or put your hand on. like on his belly or put your hand on like his face or his mouth or whatever, just encourage him to slow down and breathe and to relax. It could be helpful to change different positions as well. So you know, a position where the guy is in quite a lot of tension is like in that classic missionary position with the woman on her back and him on his kind of like hands and knees essentially, and, and holding his weight that puts a lot of tension so that can contribute to lasting less time essentially. So you might want to try different positions. A lot of guys find it that they last a little bit longer if they're in say for example doggy style position and because they have a bit more movement through the hips, they're able to kind of relax a little bit. They're not having to hold their weight up so much and so it doesn't create that much tension in the body. So playing around with different positions can be helpful and again just encouraging to slow down. There's like an energetic component to this as well. So like I've spoken to a lot of women super great for them. Maybe the sex isn't itself very pleasurable. And they're just kind of like, ah, this is, you know, I could kind of take this or leave it. And this is, again, like something to be mindful of is like, are you trying to make him ejaculate quicker because you want the sex to be over? Right. And so that's something that, you know, maybe a lot of women haven't necessarily recognized in themselves. It's like the power that they have to just be like, you know, I'm just going to, I'm just going to dial this up. I'm just going to turn this on a little bit so that I can when he's ejaculated sex is finished, right? Like that's the way we framed it as couples for a lot of us anyway. So if he comes and if he comes quicker, then I can get the sex to be over quicker and then I don't have to deal with it anymore. So that's something that some women need to be mindful of is like, have they been doing that? And if they have, can they catch themselves when they're doing that and say, okay, what do I do then to energetically or in that space that they've created together, what can I do internally and the story that I can run to say, I want this to maybe last longer. I want to settle into the pleasure here. I want to like, you know, change the energy that I'm bringing into this dynamic. Yeah. And I feel like that's where for women getting to know themselves as well is so big, because I think quite often it's probably a case of, oh my gosh, it was such a bad route. But like, if you, that was very Australian of me, wasn't it? But I feel like if, you know, if they knew themselves, the pleasure is on another level because you're both enjoying it, you know, like, yeah, so kind of need to take a bit of responsibility there as well and get to know ourselves, I think. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, this, I mean, there's so much I could just ramble for the next, like 45 minutes. But my suggestion would be similar to what you're saying is like, you know, talk about other things that you enjoy, right? And like, say, hey, you know, penetration isn't necessarily what's going to get me. to orgasm. So hey, how about we try some fingers or some tongues or let's bring this toy and let's stop penetrating for a little while and do a different type of, you know, stimulation, maybe it's with your mouth or with whatever. And then come back to penetration a bit later on, right? That's another way of extending the amount of time that sex goes for is like, penetrate for a little while. And then if it maybe he's getting closer to climaxing and a lot of women can tell if a guy's getting closer to ejaculating as well, maybe he starts to Breathe a little bit quicker starts to tense up a little bit more. If you notice that in him, tell him to stop like, Hey, let's change positions. Let's let's use your fingers for a little while slow down, take your time like there's no rush here. Being able to like, create that pacing is a really powerful thing to be able to do a lot of guys go from zero to 100 really quickly. So if you're noticing that, just pop the hand up, say hey, slow down, use your fingers use your tongue like let's change up like it's no there's no shame, right? It's totally fine to to stop trans positions, keep the pleasure going in different ways, and then return back to penetration a bit later on, can be a really powerful thing to do. Is it kind of like a better orgasm for men as well, that holding off and like that kind of excitement and it going to another level? Yeah, 100%. So there's a, it's similar to the practice of edging, right? Where you kind of keep yourself at that edge for a certain period of time, and then that arousal builds and builds and builds, kind of like the pressure building, and then when it's finally released, it ends up being a bit more of a... intense experience as opposed to getting there in the first three minutes. Interesting. Now the reason I found you, I think it was through Morgan Penn, I think she shared some things that you were talking about before, and it did lead me to those, what did you say? Stop jacking off like a forest monkey or something. But it reminded me of another podcast I'd heard of that just went absolutely viral because she gave some tips. about giving blowjobs and her go-to things around pleasuring someone else. And I think Jo mentioned at the start in terms of, we think that there's no better way to build confidence than kind of feeling like you know what you're doing or feeling like you've got a few tricks up your sleeve. Are there any- Can you give us a trick? What are the tricks? What are the go-to things that you'd do if you were gonna give someone a hand job or in your case, receive a hand job or even oral sex? Right. So my, um, my, I said, my first suggestion is like the, there's a golden rule of thumb here, which is, uh, touch your partner, the way they want to be touched, not the way that you want to touch them essentially. So, um, and there's obviously more to that, but like the, the suggestion that I have for, for women or for people that are touching men, for example, a person that has a penis is like, it can be helpful to start at the genitals. Right. So, um, a lot of times when we kind of talk about like expanding pleasure and, you know, experiencing it throughout the body, people go straight to like, Oh, okay, we'll touch, you know, the chest or we'll touch the nipples or you'll play with, you know, the face or whatever it is. And it's like, yes, you can. But if you're just jumping straight into that, and you haven't already built up that arousal and got the ball rolling, then it's not necessarily going to be super pleasurable to begin with. So I say, just as a general rule of thumb, start with his cock, start with the, the build up of arousal relatively quickly. And so that might look like very stereotypical up and down jackhammer technique, if that's kind of what he's used to. So again, context and nuance is important. And if that's what your partner is only used to having, then start there, right, get that ball rolling, get that pleasure going. And then once he's in that state of arousal, once he's in that state of heightened pleasure, then start to try other things. Because like I said, if you try those other things, before he's even really aroused, he's going to be like, what are you doing? You know, what's, I don't know. Hands off my chest. Yeah, pretty much. Just gonna, my cock's right here. Why aren't you touching that? So, and trust me, that is like, that's the way a lot of guys will respond initially. Once that ball is rolling, once that familiarity is there with like the rest of their body, it's also one of the reasons why I say guys should be experimenting by themselves is so they have that familiarity with exploring pleasure in other areas. But starting like that. And then I would suggest like, just familiarizing yourself with certain areas of the penis, for example, or of the male genitalia. The first is the frenulum. The frenulum is the in Australia, we call it the banjo string. But it's that piece of thin piece of flesh, which connects the glands or the head of the penis to the shaft. So it's on the underside of the penis, where the shaft meets the head, it's kind of like shaped like a little V, an upside down V. And my reasoning for saying familiarize yourself with that area is because it's typically very sensitive for a lot of people. It has a lot of soft touch nerve endings. And in fact, the whole head of the penis has soft touch nerve endings. And what that means is that the lighter you touch that area of the body, the more sensation you will feel. Right? So very often, whenever we touch the penis, both people that have a penis and people that play with penises is it's very friction based up and down. And what that essentially does is it bypasses all of those really beautiful soft touch nerve endings. And so by slowing down and by lightly touching, typically you feel a lot more sensation there. It's kind of like similar to the inside of your palm. If you're like really scratching and rubbing the inside of your palm, you don't really feel too much. But if you really take the time to slow down and trace your fingers over your palm, you'll feel a lot more sensation. There's a lot more depth to that experience. So the phrenium, that area underneath the head of the penis, the head of the penis itself, particularly if I show you again the corona, which is this ridged raised area around the head of the penis, there's usually quite a lot of sensitivity and sensation to be had from playing around with that area. Again, using your fingers, and I'd suggest like using a little bit of lube. or using a little bit of oil or even like saliva does the trick. Or you can obviously if you're if it's oral sex, you can use your tongue for these two areas. The other area that I'd suggest like being familiar with is the perineum, which is that space in between the genitals and the anus, sometimes called the taint. If you want to be a bit cruder about it. And it's the reason why I suggest that area is because if you press into it, you know, like a massage again with some oil or some lube. and start to massage with like the pads of your thumbs. What you'll notice is that the internal structures of the penis, they don't actually just finish where they meet the pelvis, where the testicles are. They actually extend or protrude internally into the like pelvic area. So if you're pressing and massaging into the perineum, that space just behind these testicles, you might notice that like the pressure that you're applying there will change the... like angle of his erect penis if he's got an erection because the sponges tissue that's in the penis actually extends back in so you can still massage the perineum and it be pleasurable in other areas of his penis. The other reason why I suggest that is because it's also if you're pressing firmly enough a way to externally stimulate his prostate as well. So by pressing firmly into there and again, you know, with some oil and taking your time to build up to that. rather than just shoving your fucking fist into it. You can externally stimulate this prostate. So this is something that I like to recommend by saying fist. So again, once you've warmed up that area, once you've taken your time to kind of warm it up and kind of get the blood flowing, get the arousal and the engorgement happening, you can take your fist. So again, you can take your fist, place it just behind his testicles. press firmly into there and you can start to gently like vibrate your fist, start to shake your fist in that general area. And what you'll find is that, um, like by doing that, by pressing firmly and by vibrating, it's almost kind of like taking a wand vibrator if you don't have one and pressing it up into his, uh, perineum and vibrating his, his prostate from the outside. So it's a very, um, it's like people don't spend a lot of time on that area of the body. It's actually very vulnerable for a lot of guys to have that area of their body stimulated because it's very close to their anus, for example. It's a very vulnerable part of the body in general. It's the seat of your body. It's the root of your body, this perineum area. And so by exploring it, by stimulating it, not only can it be like a very pleasurable experience, but it can also be a very emotional experience as well to have that part of the body starting to be stimulated. But those are the three areas I would suggest is like the head, the glands. The frenulum and the perineum are the three places that I suggest like exploring the most. And again, just lean into your curiosity. Like we've got these hands, right? They can do a whole bunch of different stuff. They can pinch and rub and scratch and slap and push and pull and press and do all these amazing different types of stimulation. So just like literally start exploring it, lean into your curiosity and encourage your partner to give you feedback. Be like, hey, if I do this and you're like, you know, juicing. the head of his cock by like, you know, trying to juice an orange, ask him, does that feel good for you? Right? And if he goes, yeah, that feels amazing. Great. Cool. I've got something that I can keep on doing. Or you might be doing like the, um, what is it like the, the twist and pull, which is like starting at the base of the penis and, you know, twisting and pulling up. And he might be like, no, that's doesn't do it for me. I don't really like that. So, um, essentially just like, yeah, I was gonna say, I get it. There's some communication involved. I'm not gonna just take my first. And you know, just a massage oil and put it anywhere near, you know, without asking. Or, you know, not at the very start. It was kind of the last move. And I know I understand why that was sort of the end. Yeah. The finishing move. Yeah. The finishing move. At what point do we bring it in some ball play? Right. So, um, again, it'll be specific context specific for each person, some. people have very sensitive testicles, they don't enjoy, maybe they've had some trauma with their testicles before, and so there is like some resistance they have to experiencing any sensation there. So again, check in with your partner. Similar to like how your partner, if your partner was touching you and exploring like your genitals, how would you like that to be received, right? Would you like it to be them just going crazy and just. Or would you, would you, would you appreciate them asking you about like, Hey, does this feel good for you? Do you want me to slow down like checking in? So I think I was, yeah, I always frame it back to like, how would you like your genitals being played with? That gets that question came across. I wouldn't just like, what point do we just like get in there? But it's always, I mean, some people do that, you know, some people do, they, they forget that like, I've got to check in with my partner. So, um, but, but my suggestion would be like, um, you know, starting again, starting with, with the penis, starting with, you know, building that arousal, building that sensation. And then once he's in that state of arousal, then incorporating some, um, you know, play with the testicles and, um, I'll say to you before off, uh, off camera that, um, you know, I just got roasted on Tik TOK for saying this, but. the scrotum or the skin of the testicles is that's the same skin as the skin of the labia majora, right, the outside lips of the labia. And so they have very similar sensitivities. So if you're thinking about the way that you enjoy your labia being touched, which is I'm going to hazard a guess here, I don't have labia, so I wouldn't be able to say this from personal experience, but I would hazard a guess and say that you would want it to be treated gently. and probably with some lube and probably with some sensuality and some sensitivity and to take your time and to be slow about it. It's exactly the same way that you should approach playing with your partner's scrotum and their testicles essentially. I've probably gone a little too hard sometimes. And you can build up to that as well, right? So like once that arousal starts to build, you know, a little bit more firmness can be... can be welcome. But I would suggest like, here's a very simple way of playing with the testicles is, again, you know, with a little bit of lube or with a little bit of oil or whatever it might be, using the backs of your fingers or the backs of your nails and gently like tracing the outside of the testicles with the outside of your nails. So like really light touching, again, very, you know, honing in on those like light touch nerve endings allowing the... the sensation to come through, not necessarily the firmness to come through, but allowing the pleasure to come through. That's one suggestion. Another one is just some gentle cupping. And again, if he's open to it and if the arousal is being built up, you can do some light tugging, some gentle tugging with a gentle cupping. Yeah, my suggestion would be to keep it. like massage oriented essentially, like rather than it being like, Oh, I've got to stimulate this and do like something to it, like think of it as like, okay, I've got to, you've got to keep it gentle and, and massage and not like a deep tissue massage, but a nice, you know, erotic massage. That would, that's the way I would say approach it. Today's the day Joe said the realization she's engraving your runs balls too hard. I mean, you might have partners that really enjoy it because obviously there are. there and without, you know, going too deep into this, there are there are like, cough and ball torture people that you know, aficionados that love their penis being stepped on or love their balls being crushed there. There are people out there that enjoy the pain that's inflicted to the genitals. So it could just very well be that you've had partners that all enjoyed that but you never know. Communication is key. This is why I'm single. I love it. Any of these, any of these techniques and tips change when we're talking about oral sex? Is it more all the same zones? It's just how you're stimulating and massaging these areas. Yeah. So, um, this, the zones all stay the same, I suppose. Um, and if you've got, um, like you've got a tongue, obviously you can do different things with a tongue than you can with a, um, with fingers. Uh, so again, be like, like treat it as an experiment, treat it as like a way to collect information from your partner. Right. And, and Um, again, if your partner doesn't feel comfortable, like verbalizing and saying like, Hey, this turns me on, this feels really good, like tune into their non verbals, right? So if they're moaning or sighing, and if they're not even doing that, if they still don't feel comfortable doing that, like notice the, um, the physical reaction that he has to a certain type of stimulation. So, um, what I mean by this is like, um, if something is really pleasurable, it, you might notice that the firmness of his erection. comes a little bit more firm, right? If, if something's maybe not so pleasurable for him, you might notice a little less firmness in his erection. Now that's a very like binary way of thinking about it. And so, and sometimes, you know, erection and arousal don't necessarily line up. You know, same thing with like wetness and arousal for people that have a vulva might be really aroused and something might feel good, but it might not necessarily be wet. It's kind of the same thing with erections, but mostly, um, on, you know, on average. guys and their erections align more with their arousal than wetness and, and lubrication for, for women. Um, so if you're doing a certain, certain type of stimulation and he's like, you know, that's building that erection and it, and, you know, the erection becomes a little bit stronger, probably. You know, for the most part, a good sign that he's enjoying that particular type of stimulation. If he loses his erection a little bit again, probably generally a good sign that maybe it's not such a pleasurable simulation, but, um, Yeah, yeah, again, just exploring. I love it. And so and you know, we talked about a lot of things today and all essentially, these are all well and good, but it really does come back to communication and how you bring this up with a partner, whether you're in a relationship with them, or if it's just casual, do you have any ways that or again, I'm going to ask you for tips, but any ways or things that we can say to introduce these things into our sex lives? Uh, yeah, my first suggestion would be, uh, like listen to a podcast, listen to this podcast, listen to one of your amazing podcasts. I'm sure there's probably other ones out there that talk about, you know, being open about sex and sexuality. So, um, you know, you can listen to a podcast together, just pop it on in the car when you're driving somewhere and be like, Oh, what, look at this thing that just came on hell randomly on this drive. That can be one suggestion. Um, another one could be like, uh, send them an, uh, like, you know, cause we want to normalize conversations about sex. not necessarily just when we're having sex, but also just throughout the week, throughout the day in non-sexual situations, wanna be comfortable having conversations about sex. So another thing to kind of prompt that could be like sending an article through, there's so many like little articles around like 10 best tips for fingering or 10 best tips for oral sex or 10 best tips for playing with his balls or something like that. Like it could be like, hey, I found this article, or someone sent me this, right? Could be a way to kind of get around the, you know, having to initiate the conversation, but okay, my friend just sent me this. Um, have a read of it. What do you think? Does this actually sound good to you? And he might go, Oh yeah. Like tips three and four sound really good, but like who would want to have their one of maybe one of the tips is like slapping and they're like, well, who would want to have their ball slapped or something like that. So, you know, prompting conversations with articles and, and putting like the. Putting like the heavy lifting on the article, not necessarily. on you because a lot of people feel very vulnerable and find it very difficult to initiate a conversation. So if you can say, Hey, I found this thing, then that kind of like, takes the weight of the initiation of the conversation, not necessarily you having to say, Oh, this is what I like, what about this, what about this, that it's all that's in the article already, then you can have a discussion about the article. So it kind of helps you navigate that space. And then, like there's a You know, there's a really fantastic exercise that I use with couples, which is called pleasure mapping. And so for couples that maybe feel a little bit more like, oh, we don't, we feel comfortable talking about it. We just need something, some practical advice. Um, so pleasure mapping very simply put is, um, set aside 20 minutes with you and your partner. One person is the person who does the touching. The other person is the one that's being touched. And so, uh, gray upon that. And the person that's being touched lies down on the bed and the person that does the touching. Again, over the course of 20 minutes, up to an hour, start at that person's toes, right? So touch your partner's toes and essentially just spend 20 minutes slowly going from their toes up to the crown of their head, touching their body in different ways. And the intention with this practice is to, again, foster communication. So agree upon like a communication system where maybe you say like, you know, if, if your partner says 10 out of 10, when you're touching the back of their knees. 10 out of 10 means that's like super orgasmic. I feel really turned on when you do that. Or it could be like a five out of 10 is, you know, yeah, it's okay. Like I don't hate it. Don't love it. It's kind of in the middle or a one out of 10 could be like a, no, it's stopped doing that right now. That, that feels like pinching the nipples, right? Whatever. I'd know like, don't do that. That I hate that. Um, but like, and, and so communicate practice communicating. So you're slowly working your way up their body. Um, you can skip the genitals as well. So like, you know, it can just be like. a sensual thing, not an explicitly sexual thing. So you can keep your underpants on, for example, and just like, just essentially just map their body like the names just like mapping pleasure across the body. It's kind of like filling in all those blank spaces that we have. It's like, Oh, I didn't realize that, you know, tickling my shoulders was enjoyable for me, or I didn't realize that like, you know, some firm pressing into my stomach actually felt really good, right. And so that would be a suggestion I have is take turns doing a pleasure mapping practice. that if you Google pleasure mapping, there's information out online about like some more specific structure. But it's a really good way of just like, taking the essentially taking the ego out of the practice, right is a lot of guys in particular, wrap their ego up in their in their sexual performance, their sexual experience. And so if they do something to their partner, and their partner maybe says, I don't actually really like that, a lot of guys can take that very personally. And so part of my work is to help guys disentangle their ego from their sexual experiences. But a practice like pleasure mapping, because it's like an experiment and you're just collecting information about your partner. If your partner goes, Oh, that's a one out of 10. You can be like, okay, cool. I wasn't invested in that particular practice or that particular stroke that I was doing. I was just doing it as part of this practice. It can help you kind of, yeah, it can help you take that feedback a lot more, um, on board as opposed to taking it really personally. Yeah. No, great tip. Um, I have one more question, but did you have any? No. Well, I'm from that one because it's kind of like mine's just going around in a big circle, I feel. I think there's probably plenty of women out there. So like when we talk and you showed your little model before and stuff, it's just kind of like the erect, like average penis, I guess. I guess, do you have any tips on flaccid or smaller penises that we can work with as well? Because I'm sure. there's quite a few listeners out there, but that's something that comes up for them as well. Yeah. So a question that I get asked all the time by women in particular is what do I do with a flaccid cock? It just, it's like a wind sock there and flapping in the breeze. Like how do I touch it? Um, and so the first thing to, to remember is that, uh, a flaccid penis has the exact same amount of nerve endings in it as an erect penis does. So what that essentially means is a flaccid penis can experience just as much pleasure as an erect penis can. And, um, yeah, I've spoken to older guys who have had like, um, prostatectomy, they've had prostate surgery for prostate cancer. And, um, you know, and that for a period of time, they've lost their ability to get an erection. And some of them have said to me that actually the pleasure that they feel from a flashed penis is more intense than the pleasure that they felt from an erect penis, because, um, there's no, like, there's no necessarily like engorgement and blood to kind of take away from the sensation they can feel. It's just like pure sensation. So Um, that's something to just be mindful of is like an erect penis, um, can feel the same amount of pleasure as a flaccid penis. So that's often a story that we, we kind of run in our heads is like, Oh, we can't do anything with a flaccid penis because we can't feel any pleasure there. And that's just not, um, and so like my suggestion, and I've got a whole, um, there's a whole video that I put together actually for, um, one of my courses, I have a course called man myths, understanding male sexuality, which is a course for women. Um, and there's a whole unit in that course. that how to play with a flaccid penis. I've got like a 40 minute video of me demonstrating on this little flaccid penis prop here, all these different types of techniques, but some very, very basic ones like is so you can start with like cupping. So like holding the whole flaccid cock like in your hands and just cupping it and creating like some safety creating like that because a lot of guys feel very insecure if they don't have an erection. So being able to like slow down, just cup. over the top of it, can create that feeling of like, it's fine. It's okay. Like you're like, it's a very vulnerable space state to be in for a lot of guys to not have an erect penis because they're very wrapped up in like, I've got to have an erection. Um, so it can create that like, okay, this is an all right feeling. I feel safe in this. I feel secure. My partner's got me. Um, and then once you're in that cupping position after some breeding, you can start to do like some gentle vibrating. So you can like hold it and just, um, gently kind of shake or vibrate the hands back and forth. Um, again, that can create some sensation. And then it's kind of the same with a with an erect penis, like focus on those areas I was talking about before the frenulum and the head and the corona itself. And, you know, instead of it being like, you applying the firmness and stimulating that kind of area, it can be like some gentle, you know, you can do some gentle pulling, tracing the thumb over the top of the head of the penis, I just like, essentially like encouraging the blood flow to that area of the body. So like, you're starting to warm it up. If a guy's like not quick to an erection, if it takes him a little while to build up, you can encourage the blood flow there by, you know, gently stroking the head of the like flaccid penis, like playing around with just lengthening out and applying some waking up kind of sensation to that area. Like I said, I've got a whole video which has like 20 different moves in there, but. Yeah, well, that'll be handy for anybody listening. Yeah, maybe I can send a little snippet through and you can share it with your followers if you like. Sounds good. Yeah, that would be amazing. And speaking of things that you've done and where people can find you, I know I love your Instagram account, at the Cam Fraser. Where are the other places that people can consume your content? So I'm, yes, I'm at the Cam Fraser on Instagram, but also on all social media accounts. I'm at the Cam Fraser, so. Like I just said before, I got roasted on TikTok recently, so you're welcome to go on there. The other place is my website. Yeah, join the bandwagon. I'm on what's my website called cam-frazer.com. And that's where my, you can find my podcast on there, which is Men, Sex and Pleasure. I've also got like the course for, for women, which I said, which is man myths. But of course for guys as well, if you've got a male partner who you think could benefit from like doing this work, I've got a course called Outperform a Pornstar. which is all about like learning how to have better sex than what you're seeing on screen because the sex on screen is pretty shitty. So you know, it's about how to how to outperform. And yeah, that's pretty much it. Amazing. Love what you do, Cam. Awesome. Thanks so much for coming on today, Cam. Oh, thank you so much for having me. It was it was a blast. Thanks so much for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. You can find us on Instagram at Girls Get Off. You can join our Facebook group Girls Get Off Uncensored. I think we've got more than 20,000 members in there at the moment. And if you'd like to leave us a rating or review, that always helps us get higher in the charts. And every week we'll pick the most creative review to win a Missy Mini. Thanks for listening.