Giant Dillys, Flared Bases and Baking with a Vibrator..

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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. Today we are joined here by some of our team, Courtney and Maggie. Hello. They're going to be helping us. This episode is going to be on sex toy fails to celebrate World Sex Toy Day, National Sex Toy Day, International Sex Toy Day. Yeah, it's Sex Toy Day. We'll just go with Sex Toy Day. Which is actually today, the day this is getting launched, this podcast is going live. So exciting. So I think Courtney has been getting our viewers all week to be writing in their sex toy fails stories and we have not seen them yet. So you'll get our live reactions, which is always fun. Fun, yay. And so for background, Maggie and Courtney are both on our marketing team. So they're working behind the scenes to pull all these things together all the time, which is fab. So excited to have you both on the podcast. Very excited. I have not listened to any of these, so this will be my flight reaction. I love it. I was catching a flight with my in-laws and husband. It was the first holiday in a long time without the kids, so I thought I'd pack some toys and lube. It was in the big suitcase and one of the toys started vibrating at check-in. I couldn't manage to turn it off so I grabbed the bag they were in and threw them into the carry-on and finally managed to turn it off. Fast forward to when you go through security where I thought they would get you to pull out any electronics into the little tubs and oh fuck my mother-in-law would see them. So I ran downstairs to the toilet and threw all the toys out to avoid embarrassment. No. Afterwards, I thought about it, and it's only the phones and laptops you have to get out. Was a very expensive brain explosion, but lesson learned to actually put the toy in a container so it can't be bumped and turned on. No. Oh my gosh. Brain explosion, that is so funny. That's so funny. I like how much can you relate to just that? break out and overthinking everything. That's so funny. Imagine getting them out and the airport staff being like, it's fine, you can leave those in your bag. Yeah. Well we did this, didn't we? When we went through the Auckland airport, we pulled out a dilly and put him suctioned into the trays. The lady's like, oh my god, the security's gonna love that. I know, it's such a better reaction than what you would think cause she was like, Any toiletries, take them out. And so I was like, ooh, that's my cue. And got Tilly out. And stuck him on a big tray. But yeah, how well did the lady handle it? She actually flicked him. She was, people were loving it. Oh my God, love that. I know, she was actually like, ah, and gave him a flick. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh, can you imagine if it was actually used? Oh my God, I know. And you were just like touching my dildo. Oh my God, yeah, I didn't even think about that. I just can't believe that she. ran away from airport screening, like surely that's a red flag and they're supposed to follow her or something to see what she's doing in the bathroom. I don't think she, did she run away at the screening place? I'm imagining she was like at the end of the line and she's like, fuck, I don't have to pull out all my electronics. Oh my god. And put them in the bin. Yeah, so she went to the toilets and like, what a waste, they bought toys. What a waste. Oh no. Anyway, you live and learn. But yeah, pretty embarrassing, like if you did have to do that in front of the mother-in-law, I think, yeah. I guess I sent. What a way to start a holiday. I tried a butt plug for the first time. My partner was pushing it in and out and then the whole thing got sucked up. I was on placement as a medical student in a rural hospital at the time and freaked out I'd have to go to ED where I'd know all the doctors. Fortunately, my partner was able to fish it out on his own. Okay, starters, impressive. I've never heard of anybody being able to fish something out that's gone all the way up there. But second was... Was it a proper butt plug though? Because surely it has to have a base, or was this a bullet vibe situation? She says, I tried a butt plug. Yeah. Maybe it was a small base and he was just going really fast. Yeah, and it might not have been like, you know, some only have those like loop handles, like it's not the flared base like the one sitting on the desk in the office. Yeah, okay. Like, yeah. Okay. Good, good. Especially if he was pulling it in and out, maybe it just got, just. slipped out of his hands and just sucked it up there. Pulling. Yeah, okay, the example we have on our desks does not seem like a very comfortable thing to be pulling in and out either. Oh, yeah. So funny. Yeah, anyway, good to keep in mind while I'm currently designing. New products. Wow. If girls get off launch a butt plug, we're gonna have this giant face. That's so funny. You won't be able to walk. Oh, with that, sorry, but a butt plug's meant to be left in. I wondered this. You said you won't be able to walk. See, I imagined using a butt plug like in the bedroom. Like the one in the office, is that meant to be stuck up there and then you leave it in for enjoyment for the whole day or something? I think you can do what you want. Like people definitely do that. So every day do I have to wonder if you have a butt plug in? No. Maybe it becomes a bit happier. No. Just not going to sit down today girls. A little clink on my seat. No, I think people can, you know. Oh, I didn't know this was what butt plugs are for. I just thought like in the bedroom type. Also, sorry, but plugs, don't they just stay there? Why was he? I know, that feels uncomfortable. Shuffling it in and out. Well, as Viv does. Well, and it might be like a smoother one, like they're not all teardrop shaped, like it might be more of like a consistent shape. Yeah, I'm just imagining the one that offers them, like, hmm, that's not going in and out. But then people have like anal beads too, you know, so they pull them out, so it's all different. And so Viv's like our resident. But. No one else wants to test them, I'm like, I'm gonna go and I'll just do something. And everyone's gonna have to start pulling their weight soon. I need a partner before I'm testing them. I'm not gonna sit in my room testing butt plugs on myself. No. Why would you want that first initial testing to be with someone else? Well, I don't. Surely you wanna figure that out. yourself first. No, can you imagine my level of freak out if that thing gets sucked up and then I'm on my own going to ED? I'm like, I at least need moral support. Like, this is a... Yeah. OK. Yeah. So back on that. This is really going off topic. But anal beads, you know, they're like... I was just about to ask this. They're like loose and dangly. How does it get out? How do you get them in? Yeah. Can somebody... Like how? Maybe right in that has experience. Oh Viv, you're looking at me like you know it. No, but we had a conversation, we've had a conversation with a guest that time that didn't end up airing because the recording was bad. And remember she said she was like, her boyfriend was like popping them in. Oh. Yeah. Popping them in and then like pulled them out at once. Just as like a sensation. Yeah. Oh, that gives me the poop bruises. Yeah. So funny. Cool. Anyway, cool. Wow. Full on. Next one. Not me, but my mum went to go throw out a bunch of sex toys she bought at a Tupperware party because she didn't use them. Big storm hit that night, knocking the welly bin over and she walked down the drive in the morning to find all the toys spread over the street. It's like a walk of shame. Oh my god. Not like a shame for her, but that would be like a walk of shame. Imagine the rubbish man in the morning picking them all up. Oh my gosh. Imagine the neighbour getting their bins from beside you to pull them up. Oh. Or like, when you've got too much rubbish, I don't know, if you've ever lived in a sharehouse situation and there's always too much rubbish for the rubbish bins, so you always go out like the night before rubbish day and shove it in other people's bins. Oh yes. Imagine opening the lid to find them, that's so good. I was 22, got home from work, my boyfriend at the time was at a mate's playing poker, so I had the place to myself. I pulled out all the toys, the big dong, the glass butt plug, and went to town on myself. Anyways, I was a lazy bitch and didn't tidy up. I left the toys out but lived with just myself and my man, so no big deal. I went to pick up my man from his poker game, and on the way home, a drunk driver slammed into us head on. That's a ride in an ambulance and an overnight stay, at the very least. My parents were on their way up to see us, and as soon as they heard about the crash, they left about two hours away and said they would pop into mine on the way to grab some essentials for us. The only thing I could think of was the horror story waiting for them at my apartment. My potentially broken neck was a problem for another day, sir. Dildos covered in lady butter lube butt plug the full assortment out as an ornamental reminder to my self-loving. This was a burning issue. My dad did not need to see his girl's collection and her beat up from a car crash all on the same night. Cue Angel BFF. Back in the early 90s, cell phones and A&E were a pretty big no-no, but I came clean. to my nurse about this urgency of the situation and feeling sorry for me, she dug it out of my belongings and while strapped to a spinal board, I sent out an SOS to my uni bestie. Oh my god. He mobilized at 6 a.m., hauled his ass to my place and hid the evidence. I'm forever in his debt, I would bury a body for him and from now until forever, I will always tidy up after self love. Oh my god, that is so funny. Imagine. That is great. I could not think of anything worse than my parents. I can't believe she was thinking about that. in the hospital bed with a broken spine or broken neck? I think I would have been the same. Yeah. And you're literally tied to, you'd be tied to the spinal cord, you can't even move your head. And you're like, please help me. Yeah, I would have even paid that. I'd be like, smash my window. Smash my window. Yeah. Yeah, I would have paid the nurse even to like go, do you have a lunch break coming up? Go to my house. Oh my gosh. Sort that out. Wow. Imagine, yeah, imagine if she didn't get that sorted though. I know. Oh gosh. And they're all like being like sad with her and then in the back of their mind like. Yeah. What a great storyteller also though. I love that story. That was funny. That was great. My boyfriend was eating my booty and I clenched when I orgasmed, but a little too hard and caught his nose and gave him a bleeding nose. Is there even a sex toy involved in that story? No, but that's so funny I couldn't help it. That is so good. She clenched on her nose and... Yeah, her nose is like, Mr. Sucked Up. Oh my gosh. He made it bleed. Imagine if he got black eyes or something from it and he has to like tell people what happened. Also did he have to just like pull it out? Oh, that is a great story. I think I'm visually imagining these scenarios. I know. Oh, wow. My current chef boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. He invests in a lot of wacky cooking tools and items that he uses for pastries. We live together in a share house with three other young people. Our sex life is great. He is the sweetest person and I think... our roommates always try to match his cooking. A little while ago we did some research and bought us our first toy. It was a flat tongue shaped toy that vibrated. So whilst everyone was working one night we did it on the kitchen bench. Tired and exhausted we went to bed leaving the toy on the counter. A few days later I'm wondering where the toy is. I query boyfriend and nope he hasn't seen it. So that afternoon I get home from work and here I see the youngest housemate smoothing cake batter into a large pan. No! Funnily enough our sex toy. I asked oh where'd you find that? They said in the dishwasher. I thought it must have been boyfriend's fancy spatula. I've never told her. Oh my god! I'm so glad it was in the dishwasher not like used. Oh my. Stop! That is so good. That's funny. I'm speechless. Initially I was like, oh, somebody actually bought one of those tongue vibrators? Like, I can't get my head around them. They've bought them for everyone in the office. Yeah, mine is still in their drawer because I refuse to have some weird looking licky thing. Like, they creep me out. Wow, but she's probably just talking about one of the ones with just the single big flap. Yeah, just that, if it looks like a spatula, oh my gosh, that's so funny. That is so funny. Wow. You would just like. Probably had a good ergonomical handle on it or something as well. I know. Wonder how young they were, the youngest member, because now like those. particular if it's what I'm thinking of, like aren't they available in some shops and stuff? So I think it's not gonna be long before she goes into cotton on or something with his. And it's like, oh, that's what it is. Oh my gosh. Probably not the kind of story you're expecting, but last year my daughter, eight years at the time, went through my bedside drawers that happened to house some adult toys. She proceeded to take a photo and sent it out on Kids Messenger to all her friends, asking if their mums had toys too. I was mortified when some parents contacted me. Oh god. That's so funny. Oh, could you imagine? Wow. Oh my gosh. On Kids Messenger. Kids Facebook Messenger. Oh gosh. Yeah. That is classic. So funny. Like have you seen that clip? It's gone viral so many times I feel. You know like with the kid that brought in the rocket. Mum's rocket. From the side of the bed in the class for sharing. So funny. Wow. I was going to a sexy weekend stay K with my boyfriend and we decided to pack our suitcase at his parents house as he still lived there at the time. I obviously packed my vibe and stashed it in the front zip up portion of the suitcase we were sharing as we were only going away for a few days. Little did I know that as mum planned on packing some extra laundry my boyfriend had left in his room. Once we got to our hotel I opened up the pouch to whip out the vibe to find a box of condoms with a note saying have a safe weekend. How kind. We love a thoughtful mum. I'll be like shut up mum. I feel like that would just like get me out of the mood so quickly. Like a bit of a parent hack there to be honest if you don't want your kid having sex. Like I see what she did there. Yeah. Oh gosh you're right she probably did that on purpose. Yeah I feel like. Smile woman. Yeah. What a parenting hack. Wow. My first time shopping online I ordered quite a few things including a dildo. Turns out I didn't understand how big 10 inches was or how to check the girth measurement. It was called a king cock, but still the penny didn't drop. It was big. Ripped my 20 year old vagina. Oh, exactly the dildo she's talking about. Because I've seen the- Do you have it, Viv? No. I've been into a sex shop, like, sexwear warehouse and I've seen the king cocks and they are big dildos. No, I'm imagining. That's almost a subway sandwich. That's almost a foot long sandwich. Oh, goodness. Yeah. Because that's 12 inches, isn't it? Yeah. It's about a foot long. So it's almost a subway sandwich. And the girth. Wonder what the girth. That's so funny. Anyway, ripped my 20-year-old vagina when I wanted to get my money's worth. Poor thing lived in my drawer and recently chucked it out after five years moving in between six houses. Oh my god. She gave it one go and couldn't have it go again. Mortified. Imagine you're gonna be like, oh well, may as well give it a go. Stop. Oh my gosh. Big dick regrets a thing, whether it's, yeah, a dilly or. As long as she's not drunk and using it, like you know where your pain limits are at, I feel like you have a warped sense of, what's the word, something. when drinking and like... Everything's a good idea when you drink, so you just like... Yeah, well you don't, you know, it feels like more of a good time than what it should I feel and then you get like, damage. Like there's a reason that there's still a product that's still being made, right? Because people obviously use them in people different stuff, but for like, what her first... dildo. Yes! She's like... Getting your money's worth! What a good sport, getting you to go anyway, that's so funny. Bigger is better, not always. Yeah, not always. Oh my goodness. Oh my gosh. She probably never bought a dildo again. No, I'm scared for life. Oh wow. Oh that's, yeah. Yeah, I feel like when buying dildos like they name them these things for a reason right? The ballistic dong and that you just... And read the description. Yeah, and get a ruler and have a look. Yeah. So good. A few years ago I had just bought my first rabbit. Huge pink beauty that blew my mind every time we used it. Had only had it a few weeks while I was having a shower and our new pup found it on charge next to the bed. She thought it was the best chew toy ever. Learned very quickly that puppy plus special adult toys do not end well. Oh, RIP. This has happened a lot. There's so many messages about this. We got a message about this yesterday, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. That and children coming out with it, like. Oh, gosh. For some reason, like it's the best dog toy ever. Somebody needs to invent a dog toy that is just a vibrator or a dildo or something. Just bringing Pele to work last week and. He walks down, Pelle's my dog, and he walks down with Dilly in his mouth. I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm verifying that that's your dog. LAUGHS So funny. I used my trusty Missy Mini after drinking and forgot that I'm not supposed to drink on my medication. Anyway, I must have been straining too hard because the next day I looked in the mirror and realised I'd popped a blood vessel in my eye. It didn't heal for at least a week and I basically had to squint all week at work so no one saw but I managed to hide it. Oh my god. What did she say when people asked her how she did it? She was like squinting all week. See it. Oh my god. It's a true story. had some toys in her bedside drawers. Her dad was helping her move while she was at work and the bedside drawers were on the trailer. Long story short, somehow the drawer fell out and the dad had to pick up all of her toys from the road. Oh god. No. Out at everything that could have fallen out. She wasn't with her dad though. Oh god, there's even worse. Oh my gosh. That's so funny. Awkward. It's an understatement. It's so awkward. My partner and I used to play around a bit with toys in the bedroom and one night my partner was using a smaller vibrator around my butt. Just a straight plastic vibrator, not very big, a bit shit really. Wasn't meant to be much, just playing around the area and a little bit of penetration. Anyway, we must have got a bit excited. I got too relaxed and before I knew it, it was like I sucked the bloody vibrator up my butthole. I panicked, had no idea how the heck that was. that the whole thing got up there, let alone how I was gonna get it out. I freaked out thinking I was gonna have to go to the small local hospital where I worked. So I ran to the bathroom and basically had to shit it out. She did manage to shit it out. Stop. I knew where that story was going, right from the start, right? Like. Oh no. Not surprised, you do not use bullet vibrators or anything without a base up your butt. No. But interesting that shitting it out is a solution. I know it's good. I would be... You would have to squat. I don't give a shit what I had to do to get that. You'd be in all sorts of anxious. Yeah. Bear down. This is very informative. Yeah. Maggie's like, not using a butt plug. Never. Yeah. My now husband pulled out the first time we ever had sex at the end and instead of chumming... coming, like a normal human, just on me casually, he must have had some built up pressure because he shot it straight into my eye. Not planned, not lovely, and not something he's ever managed to accidentally repeat. Thank god. Oh my god. Is that how pink eye happens? I don't know. I feel like pink eye has to do with... fecal matter kind of vibes, but I feel like that's probably also a bit of a rumour, you know. I feel like you'd look like you had pink eye. Oh my gosh. Wow. Yeah, good shot. Good party trick. Well, that's all the... Fails today guys. Wow that was very insightful, definitely learnt a few things and I'm sure there's some laughs and lessons in there for others as well. If you liked this episode make sure you give us five stars on Spotify and send us your feedback in the DMs because we always love hearing from you. And for now... Love, love, love. And masturbate. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. You can find us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook group as Girls Get Off Uncensored, and you can obviously find us at girlsgetoff.com. Make sure if you're on Spotify, you leave us five stars, and if you're listening on Apple or Google Play, then make sure you leave us a review. We'll pick people every week or every month to receive a Tiff or a Missy Mini, and check out our new products, including Cleanies and Lube, now available online.