Experienced Swinger Tells All

You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast in all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. Welcome back to the Girls Get Off podcast. Oh my god, we just recorded this episode and it is epic. Oh honestly, be prepared to be inspired and make up a profile for like Kiwi swingers or whatever. Any of the other seven apps that Tori mentions. I know, yeah you guys are going to be on board with swinging after this I feel. I'm buzzing. Yeah, because she's obviously got an epic relationship with her husband, but then on top of that, she's obviously so... It's like she's so... There's absolutely no shame in her world. Like, she's so in tune with, like, her pleasure and what she wants. And I think if you... Yeah, a lot of the reasons that we do and don't do things in the bedroom or with other people is because of the, like, shame that's associated with it or, like, or maybe they'll think this is weird or... Yeah. And she's just like going for it and same with her husband. It's so cool. So great. Yeah. We'd asked our audience, um, over the past week or so, if they had any questions for us to ask. And I think it's, it is kind of like all the fears coming out, isn't it? Like, um, what if the kids teacher sees me or they saw that? Yeah. And, um, like Tori says, so like if you're already on the swingers, Yeah. you're already open to it. You're already amongst people that are keen on this anyway, and there's just doing nothing wrong. Yeah, that was cool. That was like, yeah. I think people are gonna start swinging after this episode. I know. There's a need for unicorns, which are the single woman at the parties or on the apps. Yes. So she's all for more unicorns joining up. Yeah. It's like a recruitment drive. I know. I'm just so keen to get, we should get into this episode for people because I feel- And we want to get, we don't, she doesn't know this yet, but we're going to have to get her and her partner back. Oh, we're, we're for sure get her and her husband back. We just, after we stopped recording there, we just like kept talking for a while. We should have kept the record button on really, but no, we're going to have to get them back because gosh, what a cool, what a cool chat. That was awesome. Okay. So let's get into this. Um, so this is, uh, Tori's bio. Um, my husband and I have been together for 16 years and we started swinging about eight years ago. We're on a few swingers apps, including Kiwi swingers and have found them all to be pretty successful. I'm bi and my hubby is straight. We're both fit, professional, super kinky and out the gate. We've made some amazing lifelong friends through this lifestyle and have had so many experiences. So welcome to the podcast, Tori. Thank you so much for joining us. Um, I know this is a subject that's so many of our audience, uh, like intrigued about and wanting to know more about. So it's really cool to have you with us today. That's right. It's good to be here. Yeah, everyone's definitely very curious and when we put the question box out there we got like lots of questions So we've kind of consolidated those and we've got a little list here But I guess we want to know at the very beginning. How did this pop up for you and your partner? So years and years ago It was on his mind and he It was something he was curious about. So he just worked over years on me to try and get me interested. And, um, I'd say probably now it's more my thing. Like it's kind of turned around a little bit. It's both our thing, but initially, you know, it was more him and he was sort of like, I'm going to try and get my wife to get into this. And then once he got me into it, I was like, you know, I'm a super freak. I love this. I'm going to make it happen. Love it. Yeah. That's so cool. Um. Was it ever a concern or what was your biggest concern? Like if you knew somebody there or? Um, no, I think my biggest concern was taking the big risk and not knowing, completely not knowing whether it was going to ruin our marriage or not. And we had such a good marriage. So it was like, is this going to destroy us? Because you, the unknown is very scary. So that was probably the biggest fear I had was if it was going to ruin us. But it hasn't, it's probably made us better than ever, I would say. Oh my gosh, that's so great. And did you just kind of have boundaries in place? Definitely always boundaries and they change over time because we've been doing it for like eight years now and you know, like we might get more comfortable with some things or we might feel a little bit of jealousy from one thing. So we just talk about it and set boundaries each and every situation. because every situation could be a little bit different. Like it could be going to a party with different sort of gender ratios and it might be like, oh, I feel more comfortable if this rule was put into place or not. So boundaries are always discussed and yeah, just always agreed upon. But we don't really have a lot of boundaries, to be honest. Like we've come across a lot of couples and I would say we're more relaxed than most people. I think. Yeah. And do you think that has to do a lot with trust? Yeah, definitely the trust and just that we're both pretty just out the gate. And we just we have so much trust in our marriage and with each other and we just know it's all fun and games. So we just are like and we just know we are our own person. So I'm like, well, I'm really into this. And he's like, well, you get it, girl. So he's just, we're both just very supportive of what each other are into and what we each other want to try. And so boundaries we feel are just, we just don't put them, put a lot of boundaries in place. Okay. Our main boundary is always same room play. That's probably our only boundary is same room play. I would say. Yeah. Otherwise we just, just do what you feel like doing and yeah, it's good. Cool. And so how do you get started? How does it go from your husband going, trying to get you interested in it, to actually, what do you do? Do you turn up to people's houses? Is it different parties? Are there clubs that you've been to? Do you mean get it started when you first start swinging? Or get it started? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, there's heaps of apps out there. So we just signed up to some apps, make your own profile, kind of like Tinder, I guess, but it's for swinging and sex. Yeah, and so we just talk to them, just do some vetting, let's see if they're the right fit for us, out the gate enough for us, making sure they don't have a lot of boundaries too, because our preference is just for it to flow really well, and if there's too many boundaries, it just doesn't flow very well for us. So we just make sure we're on the same... same level of freakness and making sure where there's some chemistry there, which is really hard to pick up when you're just like messaging and stuff. But I think over the years we've gotten better at it. Making sure they're real as well, like getting some nice recent pictures is quite important. And then just making all your stars align and making it work. Yeah, so there's definitely clubs out there as well. We've been a few times to CCK in Auckland, which is a vibe. Highly recommend them. There's events there. There's events, so when you're on apps and websites, there's events posted there. Just doing as well what you feel like doing. A lot of people are like, oh, it's too scary doing parties. And some people like they'd rather do parties than a one-on-one, sort of two-on-one situation. Yes, that would be the way to get into it is just. Logging into apps and making a profile and dipping your toes. Is it key? Is a Kiwi swing is the one that you used? Yeah, yeah, we use a lot. There's Kiwi swingers. There's one called Three Fun, which is like Tinder. It's like swiping left right field F E L D. It's just another app similar to Three Fun. And then there's another one called Fetlife which is a little bit out the gate. So you've got people who are really putting their kinks in there. So there's lots of very out the gate people. So you've got people on there that are like, I don't know, guys like to wear nappies or lots of BDSM stuff on there. So there's lots of them on there but there's also just your more mild kink people on there as well. But that's pretty cool. app as well, our website, Fitlife. Yeah. There's heaps out there. Cool. And do you find that, um, you, I guess I'm trying to put myself in the position here as somebody that's never been into swinging, not even in a relationship. I'm just wondering if it's a more comfortable place to start outside. of the region you live in? Like, was it ever a thing, I'm not sure if you've got kids or anything like that, but to see their teacher or something at an event that you don't want to, like, was that ever a concern? And is it easier to take it out of region? Definitely easier to take it out of region. We usually will play out of our region. Or if we play here, then we'll get people to travel. to us or will travel out of town. A couple of reasons on that. A, there's not a lot of potential here. And B, yeah, because it is, there's, we just know too many people here and I just like to keep it a little bit more personal and private. Yeah, so I do think personally I like to take it out of town but You know, we meet people who just don't care and they play in their same town. So it's just a personal preference whether you are completely open with it and don't care or if you do want to keep it more private. But in saying that, I feel if I played with someone even if they're from out of town and then I met them again, and we do all the time actually, run into them at festivals or we actually just become good friends with them. to be honest, it's just okay, because you're not doing anything wrong. So it's just like, you just meet them again and you just have a beer or have a catch up. Like it's actually, we don't mind to be honest, just because we don't think what we're doing is wrong. We're not hurting anyone. We're just having fun. So if we meet them, it's like amazing. It's just meant to be, meant to run into them again. Yeah, you're right. I think when... you're in the position you're in, and you've been doing it for a while, you're obviously sexually open and you're confident in yourself, and that's why you're doing what you're doing versus perhaps these questions are coming from people who are just curious about it or they're just thinking about it. Whereas if you saw someone else at a sex party or if they're also on an app, they're in exactly the same position as you. Exactly, and when we first started, we used to think exactly that. We don't ever want to play here. We don't ever want to have our friends find out anyone and then as it as we moved along and With experiences and time we were kind of like why like what we're doing isn't wrong. Why should we hide this from? everyone And then we slowly started telling really good friends and realized Actually, nobody cares because we're not doing anything wrong. We're not lying. We're not hurting each other. We're not hurting people So it's actually fine No, your relationship sounds like he's doing great for it. I guess that'll be supportive. Okay, another question that we got sent through is people are interested to know what the age range is generally for swinging. What's the difference? Yeah, so I would say mostly older. But you obviously... Define older. Well, if you think about it, usually people that are swinging have been in a, usually, this is normally, people have been in a relationship for years and they're sort of like trying to find some spark to their sex life. So they've been together for 15, 20, 30 years. So usually people have been together that long, started dating in their 20s, so they're usually in their late 40s, late 50s, you know? But I feel personally like we're, when the younger range because... For us, we met when we were really young. So we are in that sort of like being together for over 15 years, looking for some spice. So we're probably more in the younger range, but in saying that, there is a circle of younger people out there that are like, you know, under 35 that are wanting to get freaky. So there's not so many. couples out there, I would say. There's more single guys out there that are willing to join couples and stuff. Not too many couples will, and saying that like which we try and look for, you know, similar, like we like people that care about their health and fitness and working people got good, you know, good morals and values and are quite attractive. You don't have a lot of options out there. I love it. And I'm curious to know whether people either when you are swinging just with another couple or person or if you're at say CCK, the club that you mentioned, are people sober? Are they drinking? Are they taking any drugs? What does that look like? Definitely all of the above. Like you do get your whole mix of people out there. I can say personally I only like to have a couple of drinks. I don't like to ever be drunk doing it or don't do drugs or don't like to be dead cold sober either. But you do meet people that might be, like I've been to CCK before and had someone near that was on something I could tell. But then you go to play, I can't say drunk. I don't think I've played with anyone that's been really drunk. So it's normal to have a couple of drinks, but sober, I've definitely played with people sober, but yeah, the norm is usually a couple of drinks. You know, get a bit warm, get a bit relaxed and get the mind opened a little bit. That's probably the norm. Nice. And someone has asked here, how do you stop the jealousy? aspect of things. Has that ever come between you and your husband? I'm not sure if you can stop it. You can help it by lots and lots of communication. That's definitely the key to all of the problems. So, I'll be handy if he was on the call. So, because we're completely different people in saying it. So, I'm very... Just relaxed with it. I don't get a lot of jealousy or if any really myself Yeah, that's speaking for me but for him I have heard him talk about like with other friends we talked about that He says he does feel a little bit of jealousy for the next couple of days He said he explains it's like a hangover He said, you know It's lots of fun at the time and then you have a little bit of a hangover for a couple of days and get over And it's fine. You're back to normal Um, had just lots of talking, lots of, he likes lots of, um, reassuring, lots of cuddles, lots, lots and lots of sex afterwards. But like the next week, I would say he's just on fire. Oh, wow. Amazing. Um, but he's, uh, yeah, but doesn't even put him off. He's never like, it hurts. He's just like, it's just part of it. Just like a little bit of a hangover. I think. because we actually usually play with mostly other guys, so it's probably why he has those sort of after effects of jealousy for a few days. Because his thing is he loves watching me with other guys to sing his kink. But with that comes that little bit of jealousy afterwards, which he's fine with and then he just, he wants to keep doing it, so I'll keep giving it. And are single women welcome at events? Oh, absolutely. There's just like a real need for them to be honest. I think guys are easy because guys are just on heat all the time. But for females, I think maybe because society frowns upon it a little bit and they're a bit more reserved. They like to really get to know guys a bit more. This is just your... just general speaking, but there's a real call out for unicorns. Absolutely. Girls are very for unicorns. That's so great. Call out for unicorns. If I ended up single, I'd be a great unicorn. I would go to all the parties, put myself out there. I'm like, girls need to do that. It's great. Oh my God. I love it. That's so cool. And so what are your top, do you have any top tips for, for couples or singles starting out and wanting to go there? You know, maybe some even basic rules to set before you kind of know what your boundaries are. Are there any kind of top tips? Yeah, okay. So some top tips would be for couples, definitely, definitely open communication judgey of your partner for their feelings, for what they feel they want to try, what they're feeling in the moment and being so open-minded and just accepting of your other halves anything that comes out of their mouth really and making them feel welcome and comfortable to say what they want to say because the worst thing is you don't... your partner to react negatively and then you shut down and be like, oh my gosh, I don't want to say like what my kinks say anymore because then they'll be like, oh, what? That's weird. Why would you think that? Why would you say that? And it's like, it's getting to that level where you can feel comfortable that your partner's not going to flip out when you say like, I might be like, oh, I really want to try and take two dicks in my pussy or something. And you don't want to have your partner be like... why would you say that? It's weird, it's disgusting, or just flip out in any way you wanna feel completely comfortable with that. And it'll all come with time as well. You'll touch base a little bit, and you'll be like, you'll test the waters a little bit with your partner, and you just have to be really accepting on the other end, I feel, so that, because I remember when I first started, I felt like, oh, I don't wanna have sex with another guy and make noises because in that saying, I like it, you know? And I discovered that that's what my husband loves, seeing me get off. So I'd be like, okay, I'm gonna get a little bit into being myself and make a little bit of noises. And then I realized it's turning him on. And then I'm like, okay, fuck it. I'm just gonna be my full self and bring the hell down. It's fine. And that can be really scary for a girl because men do have really big egos and you don't wanna hurt their egos, you know? So you're always, as a woman, you're always consciously thinking about, am I hurting my partner? Am I hurting him? Am I? Stepping on toes. So men, listening, you need to let your woman be free and just let her spread her wings and get nasty. I love it. And don't take it personally, I guess. Like it's not about, it's not about you. I think that's a normal human reaction to like think about how you're feeling rather than. It is and you've got to accept as a human you are not going to be the hottest person in the world You're not going to be the best sex in the world You're not going to be the best kiss in the world and you need to stop thinking that Because there's going to be better out there, but it comes down to You know that trust in your relationship your partner still going to got so much more love for you than Just your body or your looks or your personality. They freaking love you and they're with you for a reason Who cares if they got, and they might have better sex than you in that moment. It's like, just, I just feel proud of my husband if he has got to like experience a hotter girl. I'm like, it's amazing. And I feel like I'm giving that to him. So I feel like I'm the boss bitch because I'm giving him that experience, you know, and he feels the same. If he sees me take massive dicks or super, he's very hot. But if he's seeing me take super, super hot. guys or whatever, he feels like he's amazing because he's letting me have that and he's not holding me back from that and he feels like the man and he is the man. So it's looking at it differently, like looking at it like, you're welcome, that's all because of me. Oh my gosh, your relationship sounds incredible. Yeah, that's perfect. It just works. And then for singles especially, this very good one for singles is when you're on apps is putting pictures on there because a lot of people will just put like a blank picture or like blur out their faces so which is okay but just put more on there because putting like when you're making your profiles putting pictures on there putting up a good bio and not being too pushy like so many singles are kind of like straight away can I see your private pictures and it's like disgusting getaway. The guys who have like one picture and it might not even be off their face, instantly I just think it's catfish because they're out there and there's so many out there, like so many. So just putting some effort into it, putting some personality into your bio is amazing because girls love funny guys, they love guys with personality, girls love being charmed, you know, they don't want to just have a dick there. That's what I think from talking to my girlfriend's parents or it. So good pictures, good bio, put some personality in there. Top tips for young players. I like it. Amazing, Tori. Did you have any other questions? No, the only question I can see here that the last one that someone asked, they said any good tips for first timers, but they also said, and should you bring the Missy Mini with you? Oh. Absolutely. Take your suitcase of toys, definitely. So you rock up with a suitcase. You're like, this is my toolkit. Definitely. That is so cool. Everything, because you don't know, like for me who's super insatiable, I usually have been- Insatiable. Yeah, very insatiable. I have guys that are usually just all worn out. So I'm like- Okay, fine. I'll bring out the toys. I think gang bangs, we've had, you know, all three guys that are having time out and I'm like, what is this? I'm throwing my toys in my suitcase. Definitely take the toys. Take the lube, take your douche because you're going to probably need that a few hours in. extra towels. Especially if you're going to hotels and there's only two towels, you kind of need those for your showers, so definitely take extra towels. Definitely take your lube, take lollies for sugar in the middle of the night when you're needing, you know, a reset because you're still going until early hours in the morning. Oh my gosh, love it. I feel like you have just inspired so many of our audience to try. You might have some more people coming on those. I hope so, I really hope so. I just, I feel like guys that are out there, like there's so many guys on these apps and they're out there living their best lives, you know, I can have sex with as many people as I want and it's great. Why should girls not feel the same? There's nothing wrong with it. We can be just as horny as guys. So just enjoy sex. It's natural, it's 100% natural. It's not just for making babies. I mean, I love that. Great advice. Yeah, awesome. It's been so great talking to you, Tori. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. Hopefully I've inspired. a lot of people that was my goal here so I hope so. Well I feel like you actually have. Oh my god love it. Thanks guys. Thanks so much for listening to the Girls Get Off podcast. If you've liked this episode make sure you leave us a rating and a review on Apple podcasts that helps us heaps in the charts and Spotify. Anyway all your reviews do help us because it means that we get discovered by more people. You can find us at girlsgetoff.com, co.nz,.com.au, wherever you live, and the Facebook group, Girls Get Off Uncensored, on Instagram, TikTok, we've been working on that. But otherwise, have a great week.