2025's Alternative Dating Strategies

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Go!  You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18  podcast in all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self-loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. Hello and welcome back to the Girls Get Off podcast. Today we are talking 2025 dating strategies. Actually pumped for this. Same, I'm excited to talk about this because my personal dating strategies have changed and I've also been kind of observing what I'm seeing on socials and also watching my friends do as well. I am,  yeah, I'm keen to talk about this and then I want people to message us and let us know what they think. Perfect. Yep. I think this is the first year in a long time that I'm actually open to the dating world. Yep. I was like re, I put my research into this with my own personal benefit. So what do mean by open? Um, well, you know, like, I don't know. I've got space in my life if the right person came along. So I would be open to date. Whereas in the past I haven't. Yeah.  Um, when your face was on a billboard,  not close to dating. True. Thanks. Perfect timing.  Um,  yes. So can I go in with the bombshell first that I think is just like the best? Hit me with it. Compatibility over chemistry.  Tell me more. Well, everybody wants that spark, right?  But we gotta like, yeah, we gotta go for like, are they compatible? Is this what I want? You know? Yep. Yep. I like it. like the general rule, compatibility over chemistry. Yeah. Have you written it? Do know what you want? Well, this is another one in my notes to talk about is that know what you want before you go into it. Yeah, I like Because that like... having a list, you know, having in mind what you want, exactly what you want before you go into it. You can go into like a date and be like, this is what I'm looking for. This is, this is, this is. If the person's not that they're like, they're not going to waste your time, right? Hopefully.  what, oh, so if you go into a date and you find that that person doesn't make what's on your list, then yeah, like it's just going to cut out so much wasted time.  And I've found out over the past that I'm not best at breaking up with someone once you're in a relationship. You know, like for me, even though you should probably end things, I just, I for some reason don't do that until shit gets real bad and then you're forced to leave type of thing. um just you don't want to hurt their feelings or like it's comfortable or what? or you're just putting them before yourself, you know, like in just kind of like justifying that- everything's okay and stuff. But I think going into it, knowing exactly what you want. So it doesn't even get to that relationship stage. You know, it might be just a few dates. And then you're like, no, not actually what I want. And when you say what you want, are you  like, are you talking about like a lot of people will have on their list, he needs to be at least six foot. You know what I mean? What are you talking about when you say what you want?  Um,  I think, I think core key values  is the main thing. You need to be on the same page with  those core values.  This is one that I don't know whether I struggle with it.  don't know whether turning 40 has like,  it did cross my mind, but  once you turn 40, it's like, do those things? matter, like the height, the looks, like would, yeah, I think I've been thinking deep about this lately actually. Would I prefer to like find someone attractive and then just take half the boxes in the like full scheme of what's important to me, you know? Or would I rather someone like a five out of 10 that like takes all those key things because what, like, I feel like the next 20 years we're all just going to get wrinkly. Well, you're not, but me and whoever I'm with, they're just going to get wrinkly and  you know, anyway.  when I think, I think for me, those superficial things can be nice at the start, but then once you actually get to know a person, like I look at it, I always say people are like, I find them like magazine hot or attractive. So someone could be like, objectively good looking, but I might not actually find them attractive because I don't like certain things about their personality or the way they treat other people. So then I wouldn't actually find them attractive. And then the opposite is true. So maybe if  at the get go, I'm not immediately physically attracted to them, but then I get to know them and I think, oh, they're so funny, they're so great. Then they become extremely attractive to me. So I think that those superficial things are just like, they're just, they're only good for the start anyway. And people become attractive, for me anyway, they become attractive based on like the emotional stuff and like the personality more so anyway. Yeah, that's such a good way to look at it. That's such a good way to look at it. And I think like honestly for the last 20 years or 20 years or so, know, like for me  that initial attraction has come first, you know, like the looks part, but  I'm not for that anymore. Well, I think also, so one of my things that I've got written down is I've already deleted all my apps. did that last year, but I think part of that as well as I find it so for me personally, I find it so hard to decide whether I like the vibe of someone until I actually get to know them a little bit more. You know what I mean? So it's really, I find it quite difficult on apps if you're trying to, cause you really are only basing it off that step one of like attractiveness and  you know, looking back, that's actually not necessarily what makes people attractive for me. So I think that, yeah, putting yourself in places where you might be able to see someone as attractive is  a lot, it's going to make life lot easier, like a little bit more of a long-term game, but easier, you know? Yeah. Do you think the masses are starting to realize this as well with dating apps? it's kind of... I think that I'm seeing a lot more on socials about people going back to speed dating. There's an event called Cheeky Events and she's got different... pages set up, they've actually launched in New Zealand as well. So there's like cheeky events, Sydney maybe, UK and then cheeky events, New Zealand have just started running speed dating events in Auckland. And theirs is all about like ditching the dating apps and they have  like age brackets of people who can go along on different nights. And I think the way that they've been able to spread so far is she has people who are like hosts in each different place who run all the events. So if you look at their Valentine's day calendar, it's like... There's so many events happening across the world, but I thought that's quite a cool concept because yeah, you just don't know until you meet people sometimes. And I've had  many experiences where I look at like my friends' dating profiles or I might be seeing someone and I look at their Instagram and I'm like, I would  not swipe, you know, like I would not swipe BST on a dating app, but you're so great. You know, you just actually can't tell a lot of the time. Yeah. 100%. It's really just become super shallow. And  I think I've seen a lot of, I've seen a lot of  guys actually  on socials. It must've been where I've seen it, but a lot of like  men are getting like real hard on themselves about it too, because you know, girls are swiping like  right to like, is it swipe right? Yeah. Girls are swiping right to the top like 10%. But if they just don't have those  magazine look. Yeah, I think the stats are like, if you look, if you listen to the interview with Scott Galloway on the Diary of a CEO podcast, I think one of his like maybe recent two episodes, he talks a lot about this and says that the stats are like the average guy will need to swipe 200 times to get one match or something. it's like very, but I'm a conspiracy theorist now against like hinge and bumble anyway. And I've spoken to people who've got connections at the likes of Tinder and they're like, no, you're right.  And a friend was saying to me, said, no, when you get on an app like Pinch, it will figure out based on first of all, before you pay. And I experienced this as well. If you immediately download the app and you're still sorting out your profile, you might get like 40 likes or something. They'll be coming in thick and fast. And then as soon as you update your profile and put it on, then you'll be back down to like one or two until you try and until you go and like pay for the app. But it will figure out in those first however many swipes what you're sort of into. And then it will purposely only feed you  people you think, it thinks you'll be interested in like one every 20 people. And if it can tell you're about to get off the app, it might feed you a couple of more people. So I'm sure we can all probably, we can all probably relate to going, oh, I think I might delete this app, you know, and you will have, your actions will reflect those thoughts and then the app will just give you a few more. I've definitely done that. Like I remember doing a three week period last year with, I'll give Hinge a last chance and being like, I'm going to delete this. I thought, oh, there's just like probably two more dates I need to go on. So it's a thing. It's a thing I can totally understand from the app user's point of view. I mean, the app maker's point of view, how they like, need to keep people on the app. The more they keep people on the app, the more subscriptions they get. So it makes sense if they got you run into relationships  that have no users left. So that's why I was preferring apps like field because I just, I'm like, God, that app's not that advanced. It's so buggy. Like you actually get shown people who are  in your area, who you're attracted to. Like it's just not that, it's not that complex. um But I think also being on the apps like Hinge and Bumble for me personally would make me then feel like it would put me into a scarcity mindset. And I would prefer to be, I think there's heaps of good guys out there. I think there's plenty of options. I want to stay that way. And I think being on those apps made me think like, oh my God, it's just, there's not enough, you know, there's not enough people that I'm interested in, you know, like how am going to find someone? It puts you down that kind of path of despair, if you like. And I just don't think that that's a vibe.  I think it's better to look at, like for me anyway, it's been about actually using my eyeballs when I'm like at the gym or something and going, okay, yeah, he's hot. He's hot. know, there's a nice guy, friend of a friend and actually like looking around and going, there's actually so many options out there. We just have to like, for me, it's just like a mindset shift. Yeah. And I guess then it's that, it's that part that maybe that's the barrier. Like you do see people.  Um, outside of the apps and stuff and you start to take note, but then you actually have to put yourself out there to take it to the next level, you know? And I think that's such a barrier for people, but that's where apps have won in that they make it easy. With that said, I will say I was doing my goals at the start of the year and I thought, actually, like I like your language about being open. That's what I wrote down to. said, I'm totally open to something. But realistically, I'm not putting down a goal as I want to be in a relationship or something. Because if that it was truly a goal and that's really what I was committed to, then I'm of the full belief, even though I've just bagged on dating apps, that you would treat it like anything else in life and be going on like three dates a week. Like that's my thoughts anyway. And I'm looking at my goals going, I've got so much work to do this year. And I'm, you know, want to do heaps of stuff in Aussie and in person and really push that sides of things. And I'm like, I'll look, I'll be open to a relationship by the end of the day. I'm not, can't put down,  you know, this is what you want life to look like in a year's time, because that's not realistic based on what I'm willing to, on the energy I'm willing to give it. And that's how people settle. That's how you end up with the wrong person settling, I think, when you start putting goals like that in, because you're just like, yep, I need a boyfriend. I'll take anyone, you know, like.  But I mean, more so like, but I genuinely do think like, if you want to get, say you're going for a promotion at work and you really want to work hard at that, then you.   You know, you stay at work late, you do all the things, you go over and above, like you do all the things. I don't think it's realistic to say in your, you know, if you want a relationship, like that's truly what you want, that you would just sort of like let that happen. I think that you, don't understand why you wouldn't also treat that as anything else you were trying to get after in life. So I think that that's just like, yeah, I think it would be better to, I think it makes sense to take that seriously, just like anything else in life, otherwise. You're not giving yourself the best possible outcome. So true. So true. But also don't settle just because you want a relationship. No, no, of course not. Of course not. Well, that's why it's important to write things down too, right? In terms of what you want, because that also helps. Yeah. And another big thing for me going into this whole open to dating thing is not only knowing what I want going into it. But knowing what I don't want and what my boundaries are, and I think I mentioned this like a couple of weeks ago to you, I'm like, and it was one of Sean's, Sean Galanos' reels or stories or something when somebody wrote in and was like, it makes me gag or something when he comes in my mouth and how do I like tell him this or like how do I  get out of it? And it's like, say, It makes me gag when you come in my mouth and I don't want you to like, let's finish somewhere else. And I'm like, it's so simple. And I was like, have I ever enjoyed, this is so like raw, but have I ever enjoyed someone coming in my mouth? No. Like, and I'm like, have I just done that because that's what I felt you're meant to do. Yes, you know, and I'm like, so now I'm looking deeper into the boundaries of what I don't want. And I'm like, thanks. Thanks, Sean. So no one's ever coming in your mouth again. I don't think so. I don't think that's part of my future. Like if I want, you know, I don't mind coming, it just depends on the person for me. Just depends on how they taste and stuff, you know, doesn't really. It wouldn't be a boundary of mine, but what other boundaries have you got? To be fair, to be fair, there has been one person where I didn't mind. Okay. When I, when I look at it like that, but just in the past, Yeah. What other boundaries have you got except for people not coming in your mouth? I don't know. I saw there should be some, there should be some more boundaries. Um, but no, that was just like, that only triggered it. seeing that conversation of Sean's  and... He raises a good point though, because there's probably plenty of people listening who can relate to just doing stuff because you're sort of going with the flow. Or because you you've read in a magazine that other people do it or you, you know, like... Or watching porn. Yeah, plenty of people are just doing it because they've seen porn and that's like, that's really true for a lot of other sex acts. I remember a friend and a friend of a friend...  working in the sexual health space saying, you know, had a young guy come in the other day saying,  I really don't want to, young guy saying, I really don't want to like choke this woman. Is this what I have to do when we have sex? And she's going, absolutely not. That is not real life. know, porn is just, that's just, that's fake sex, that's entertainment and so on and so forth. But it just goes to show that that's true for a lot of people watching, you know, wherever they're getting their information that, um, Yeah, pays to stop and think about whether you actually want to do that, if that's true to yourself. Yep, absolutely. And I guess that doesn't only apply to sex, just, you know, like just... I don't know. And it's exciting knowing that I'm going into something with the choice. That's great, Jo. I'm so happy for you. One of my other dating strategies this year, given that I have... deleted the apps is that I think um consistency can be key, especially if you want to meet someone in the wild. So I think about how I've met lots of people here from going to like the swimming group, for example, but it's because I went every Saturday. So it's not like, I think I've been to the odd running group in the past. And I know that's been, there's been a lot of chat around how running clubs are the new dating apps for like the past 18 months or so. But I think the key to that is not, you can't just go once. I just like get a vision in my head when you say that, like,  I am never going to pick up at a run club because I'm literally going to look like a dead tomato. Like  this is, this is bad advice.  but I think that,  I think that the key  is going every week. Cause if you just go to one random Sunday, then it's like. who you're gonna meet there. But if you go 10 times in a row, then you're gonna know who the regulars are and you're gonna have more of a chance to  chat to people. I also think, I'm actually also a fan of, I like the idea of meeting someone  at something like that because then I feel like their other personality traits come out more and you're not necessarily basing your interactions on like what they're doing, what they're wearing.  I've never judged someone on what they're wearing, you know, all those things that you have in a date that can be quite like,  um, yeah, it's not as like natural if you like.  That's very good point. Very good point. And don't forget that it might not actually be the person at the run club that you're compatible with,  but  like they've got friends, right? Like, and I feel like when you've got your friends back, like I would not go to a run club, but I would be at something.  You'd be at the end of your drinks. uh And you know, I would see somebody that's single and be like, Oh my gosh, Viv, like you need to meet this guy. You know what I mean? So it doesn't necessarily have to be that person, but just like getting out there and diversifying that  social scene. Right? Yep. And I think the two keys when you're at the rung club or you're at the gym or wherever you are, is you actually have to talk to people. Number one. So I often, I introduce myself all the time. My theory is that I'm like the poor introverts who get paired up with me all the time, hey, I'm just like, hi, I'm Viv, who are you? You know, I'm just always introducing myself and actually talking to people. And then second, my theory as well, and probably a reason you won't often find me at a run club is because I vote putting yourself where you're going to be the minority or... the minority or definitely not in the majority. So for example, I might see a run club at 6 a.m. on a Friday and they're all running towards me and I'm like, that run club is 80 % woman. I'm not going to a run club with 80 % woman. You know what I mean? It's the- Be smart, work smarter, not harder. Work smarter, not harder, like legitimately.  So that's also another  thing. Good call. So we got to get it. Like we got to start playing golf or something. Yeah. I actually walked past, I think I put it up on GGI, I past the golf course recently and thought, oh my gosh, there's guys everywhere. Especially on a Friday. Like I swear, people get out on a Friday afternoon, like for work, you know, they finish work early and go get some tradies or something maybe. in me, but maybe tennis. We all know how my tennis lessons went, so I don't think that's on the cards either. Any balls?  Yeah, I'm gonna have to stick to the gym. And I actually have been also going to the sauna as well, which has also been quite good. No phones in the sauna, chilling, you know. Again, those poor people coming to the sauna when I'm in there. Hi!  Hi, I'm Bim. I meet a new friend every time.  Regardless of gender, I always meet new friends in the sauna. I'm at two yesterday. I'm like, need to, we need to pick places where I'm not just gonna be  sweating beetroot.  Yeah, you're right. Actually, this is, this is true. This is very true. like great. Meet friends at the sauna. Is anyone ever going to ask you out at the sauna? Maybe not. Yeah, look, maybe not. need a dog. Dogparks. I'm not getting a dog. No way. I'll borrow a dog before I get a dog. Dogparks, I reckon. Normally guys with dogs are in relationships. I reckon you can tell by the kind of dog they have. Any guy with a cavoodle in a relationship. If they've got something like a- Oh, 100%. 100 % a cavoodle. Yeah.  Yep, 100%. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Stay away. And the other thing that I've got written down, which  I don't believe I've talked about on the podcast before, but it uh goes along the same  lines of actually talking to people as just shooting a shot and asking people out in person. Have I talked about the photographer on that boat party I went on? No. Okay. I went on this boat party, end of last year, Christmas party, thought perfect. And now that I've dated the deleted the dating apps too, I will have to say that it forces me to look around the room and like actually take in who the people are around me rather than just  in my brain must subconsciously just go apps are for dating don't need to worry about like you know hitting on anyone in person anyway that's changed now so we're on this boat party I thought that photographer is quite cute and then also... Was this a topless boat party?  No this was not a topless boat party Okay, topless boat party. I would not have to have taken these measures. would have been straight in there at the topless boat party. um The other one was at the like after drinks or something afterwards. Anyway, I messaged the guy who organized it the day after and I said, Rad, here's my number. Can you find out if the photographer's single and like give him my number? And he's like, perfect. I'm onto it. And I'm like, great. Anyway, I get this text from the photographer and he's saying, Oh, hey, so nice chatting with you yesterday. How are you? How was the rest of your day? I'm like, yeah, that was good. And then anyway, it ended up, it ended up him saying, Oh, I found your website. And I was like, Oh, okay, cool. Great. I'm like, does he want to start? is he bringing this up? And he said, um, looks like your photos are really professional. like, I told you my friends are photographer. That's why we've got great photos. And I'm like, I was sitting next to my house like going, Oh my God, does he think I want photos? I'm like, I just did. Anyway, I'm going to like, essentially I'm going to bed now. If you even want to get a drink sometime, let me know. Never heard from him again. I'm like, Rad, the organizer, like, you're supposed to actually like, if you're going to, if you're going to give him my number, you're going to say the- She wants to know if you're single or something. I'm like, this poor guy's probably got a girlfriend and now I'm hitting on him and he thinks, or he thinks he was going to get a job out of it. Then the second one who I met at the bar afterwards. Such a fail. Yeah, such a fail. And then I thought he was quite hot too. And he, like this, he was probably an example of someone as well who in person, I was like, he's so funny. I find him really attractive. But then I went, I stalked him on LinkedIn and then I was like, I would not. have put these people together, you know? I was like, that would not be, like I wouldn't be swiping used to him, but in person I found him really attractive. Anyway, so I asked him out on LinkedIn.  Just went for it, connect, and then I just sent him a message, and he has a girlfriend. So I went to from two, not very well, but I do think that, you know, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of rejection and just putting yourself out there. Well, right, like, that's so great. That's so great. I love it. What, like? But my housemate wasn't... your life in any way though. Oh no, who cares? He was like, I'm so flattered, but no, I'm in a very happy long-term relationship. I'm like, oh, good for you. Anyway, see you at the next event. Anyway, and my housemate is in hysterics at this point. He's like,  you're so ballsy. It's so good. So funny. But with no apps, you don't have a choice, right? Like you've kind of got to... kind of got to at least... at least show some kind of inkling that you're interested. You know, for example, telling the organizer to give this person your number. I would have thought that that was a pretty good, but obviously I needed to be clearer, AKA, tell them I'm interested. guys you might need to be clearer. Yeah. Oh Tell them I'm interested. So that was pretty funny anyway. That's wild. But you know, like we're hearing more and more of people meeting through LinkedIn. Actually. We do! So,  oh. Get back on LinkedIn.  I'm just like, I'm not active on LinkedIn, but I'm just like, somebody like, I'm just hoping. One of our mentors met his now fiance on LinkedIn, right? They initially went out for, um I think he invited her out for dinner to celebrate her new book or something. And then the waiter came over and said, is this a date? And he said, It can be if she wants it to be and then boom, the rest is history. So cute. just so cute. It's so cute. Like literally didn't know each other and then just like sees she's launched a book and been like, Oh, can I take you out for dinner? Guys? Like honestly, that's such a, that if you see somebody like celebrating on LinkedIn, such a good in for a date. Wait, did I tell you about my LinkedIn strategy? I've just remembered it. I've been hitting heaps of hot guys on LinkedIn. I just Sometimes when I'm bored, I just go through my suggestions because I'm like, maybe then it will get the picture that I'm interested in men and just feed me more, know? Like maybe there's some algorithm here. So I just go through, go add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, just heaps, heaps, Joe, heaps. And one guy messaged me recently. Hey Viv, love your brand. Yeah, Missy is my partner's favourite. I'm like, perfect, well I'm going to get a few of those without adding all these hot guys. But yeah, I've been going, I've been adding guys on mess. I'm like, I'm relatively active on LinkedIn. So you know what's so funny? Because I've had the odd decent looking guy add me, but all they're doing is seeing your profile and then seeing me typed in your post. So you're working for me too. Yeah. the openness to relationships on my shoulders and I am him taking one for the team on LinkedIn. Wow. Yeah, stand out from the crowd.  Everything, go you.  But like active. It's kind of funny though, right? But then you're more of like a multi-dimensional person on LinkedIn. You know, it's not like I only post about boring stuff. So. Yeah, you're great. You're great on there. No one's going to see my profile. I forgot about me adding all those guys on LinkedIn. Oh my gosh. I've been doing it for a while. It's pretty funny. But I've had two messages so far. About people that have their partners have really loved the toys. Taking one for the team. No worries, guys. Well, I think LinkedIn needs to start asking its members now if they're single or not. So we have like a little single badge. Do you know the only issue with LinkedIn is you get so many of those hold emails from randoms. You can tell they're just automated email or automated messages in your inbox. just, I often just miss people's messages, but anyway, so that's my other strategy. Thanks for bringing that one up. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like, you know, you're kind of like in the business world, you know, it's a box tech anyway, if they're LinkedIners, you know? If, oh, if they're on LinkedIn. they're like active on LinkedIn. You know, like this is a bit of a, yeah. Excellent. Anyway, so get out there on LinkedIn. I'll keep everyone posted. I'm actually going for coffee in an hour with someone else I met at the boat party, but I don't, said to my housemate today, I was like, I don't know if this is a day or a business meeting. He said, when are we going for coffee? And I was like, oh, let's go on Friday. And I'm like, do you want to talk about shipping or do you want to talk about if we're compatible? So stay tuned. I'll update you next week if it was a date or if it was a business meeting.  that's so awkward. What are you going to wear? I don't know, but as you can see, I've washed my hair this morning, we're going all out. I'm just going wear this. Jeans and a top. Okay, cool. But we'll wrap it up soon so you can get your hair straightened.  I had one more thing though. One more thing. That if you are going down the app path, because we might have scared everyone off now by saying you can't meet anyone on apps. Well, I think if you take it seriously, be on the apps. If you're it seriously.  It's a tool. It's a tool. But don't just limit yourself to apps. Yeah. But I think now  like field, right? There's all these little niche apps coming out. Stay away from the big ones and go for like things, you know, there's, there's a lot. didn't research which ones, but you can do that. No, there's one called Thursday dating. I think, and I think that's the one where you make your friends swipe for you  and then it,  oh, do you make your friends swipe? I think your friends swipe for you. And if it's a match, it automatically books you a day on a Thursday or something. So no one even has to, no one even has to organize like where it is. It's already like pre-booked at certain restaurants and bars and stuff. That's so cool. That's so cool.  Um, which is great. Cause anyone, everyone can relate to that. couple who's been together for like, you know, six years and they're always like, show me a hinge. What's on the dating profiles? What's going on? You know, and there's nothing happening. Put them to work. They're not doing anything. Perfect. They're not adding people on LinkedIn on mass and going to run clubs. Like what are they doing? Yeah. it.  Oh my gosh. Too good. Yep. So do your research. Don't go with the big guys. Yeah. Find yourself some niche hat. Find a niche. All right.  Let us know. if you got a date out of this.  Thanks for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. you want to hear more from us you can check us out on Instagram at Girls Get Off, our Facebook group Girls Get Off Uncensored, for any of our products GirlsGetOff.com  and our personal Instagrams are linked in the show notes.