There comes a time in a single woman's life when she realises she should learn to cook because living off takeouts is really bloody expensive. There also comes a time when she realises casually sleeping with the same guy for the past six months could have a deeper meaning.
Hold onto your seats, boo thangs. If you have also been sleeping with the same guy for six months - despite promising 2022 was the year you would finally thrive in your Samantha Jones sexual liberation era - you've come to the right place.
We are on this rollercoaster together.
After months of my friend's speeches about why I should stop casually sleeping with a particular man, I have chosen to ignore them. I've fallen head first into the dick sand and unintentionally landed in a situationship.
Is it terrifying? Surprisingly not. Does he know I've gone ahead and defined it as a situationship? Unlikely. Will he see this article, block my number and immediately jump on Tinder to find a hookup? Perhaps, but life is nothing without risk.
So in light of recent events, it seems only fitting we discuss what the heck a situationship is, starting with; mum, can you come and pick me up? I don't know what is going on.
This dating world scenario is enough to have you taking a knee and begging the Lord for mercy because it's more confusing than when you started watching Love Island for the first time.
You're sleeping together, have been for quite some time, do couple activities like getting coffee on a Sunday morning and have official feelings for each other. But you continue to live in ignorant bliss and convince yourself it's not that deep, bro.
Sure, you could just have the what are we chat, but the Samantha Jones in your head is whispering, "the right guy is an illusion. Start living your life!" and it's kind of working which takes us to the next thing you need to know about a situationship.
When they drop the bomb that they aren't sleeping with anyone else, keep your chill in check, they aren't messing with the hot, sexy, single vision.… Yet. Situationships are great if you're unsettled in life. Think recent breakup, moving cities, or even huge career changes. They are called a situationship because
A. they're a bit of fun,
B. you don't have time for a proper relationship, let alone sleep with more than one person, and
C. it will likely end at some point.But if you cannot keep your chill in check, it's a fantastic time to call your friends and after telling you how much they don't like the person, they will remind you that even though your kind of sort of maybe-boyfriend is sleeping exclusively with you, he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, so you can reign it in, sista.
And if we're being honest with each other, you already know this. Unlike previous crushes, you aren't jumping on your phone every time it goes off in case they contact you. You know they will, and if they don't, well, meh. That's the joy of a situationship; it's very Fergalicious. All pleasure, no bad weather.
Taking us to the final thing you need to know. Don't feel like you have to tell your mum about your kind of sort of maybe-boyfriend. Unless she reads every single article on Cosmopolitan or watches TikToks, she probably won't even know what a situationship is, and you don't want to spend time explaining to her that yes, you're sleeping exclusively with a person, yes, it happens often and yes there are some unacknowledged feelings involved, but no, you're not dating.
It's way too hard on the list of things to do.
So my GGO queens, whatever stage of the bumpy cuddles you're in, whether casual, friends with benefits, situationship or full-blown relationship, just remember if it works out great. If not, it's for the plot.
– By Lillie Rohan.