Let's face it, ladies – a healthy sex life is a beautiful thing. It is about connection and intimacy and let’s be realistic: it is just so much fun! But what happens when the fire dies out? When does the “let’s get busy” corner of your life transform into a "nah, I'm good" zone?
We have all been there before. You put it down to a week full of activities; that extra slice of cheese cake (I mean, come on, priorities!); or probably a weird dream you had about your math teacher in high school (honestly, subconsciousness why?). However, sometimes the loss of libido might be an indication of something completely different.
So put on your comfy robe and pour yourself some wine (or whatever else you normally do!), as we look at some very surprising reasons behind the vanishing act of sex drive.
1. Stress
Okay then let’s go to the big question – why? Why does that deadline hanging over you or that never ending list of things to do suddenly make getting busy seem like the most unappealing activity on your schedule? It all comes down to stress—that cunning little devil.
When stressed, our bodies enter fight-or-flight mode. This implies that cortisol, our favourite stress hormone, goes into overdrive. Cortisol is perfect in quick bursts (look at how good I was dodging away from that running shopping cart) but chronic stress has it pumped up like an espresso machine gone rogue. Also, guess what cortisol actually does? It puts brakes on such important sex hormones as testosterone and oestrogen. The outcome? Libido becomes as exciting as wet crackers.
How do you manage your stress?
So what can we do about this beast called stress? Below are some tips that will help you bring back your mojo:
- Become the Relaxation Queen: Meditation, yoga, deep breathing—find a way to de-stress! Even a few minutes of mindfulness relaxation can help reduce cortisol levels.
- Sweat It Out: Exercise is an ideal stress buster. And that endorphin surge can lead to all sorts of nice and pleasant feelings, which definitely could be related to some bedroom action.
- Laugh It Off: Laughter is really the best medicine. Watch a funny movie, hang out with your hilarious friend or simply look up random cat videos on YouTube—whatever makes you laugh your ass off and releases all the tension.
2. Lack of Sleep
We all know how important sleep is for our health. However, did you know that it also affects your adult playtime? When you lack enough sleep, your body prioritises the bare essentials, like staying awake and not drooling on your keyboard. A priority list does not include sexy time.
Again, lack of enough sleep plays havoc with your hormones (are we seeing a picture here?). This can lower testosterone levels while also interfering with the production of melatonin in the body, which is responsible for controlling sleeping patterns. It’s actually such a delicate balance between sleep-hormone-libido; when one is out of place, then the entire system goes haywire.
Tips to Sleep Better at Night
Ready to change counting sheep to, well, something else? Here’s how:
- Set Sleep Schedule: Go to bed at around the same time every day and wake up at around the same time as well, even on weekends, to regulate natural sleep-wake cycle in your body.
- Generate a Soothing Nighttime Ritual: A hot bath, reading material, or gentle exercises can help. Do not use any electronic devices for at least sixty minutes before bedtime because the blue light affects your sleep.
- Transform Your Bedroom into a Sleeping Paradise: Purchase a comfortable bed and keep the room cool and dim; also avoid keeping any form of disturbance like laptops or television sets in there.
3. Hormonal Imbalance
Sometimes, a dip in libido can mean that your hormones are not balanced properly. For our super women going through hormone-related changes such as pre-menopause and menopause, this is particularly true. Due to the decline of oestrogen levels, sex may become uncomfortable due to vaginal dryness and reduced blood flow. In addition, certain drugs when used, can also cause a decrease in sexual drive.
The following are some typical hormonal culprits for decreased libido:
- Oestrogen: Sexual function largely depends on oestrogen; a drop will result in drier vagina and less comfortable sex.
- Testosterone: Testosterone does not only belong to males! It’s also responsible for female desire at large; hence a decrease in it leads to reduced desire.
- Thyroid Issues: Any hormonal imbalances, including those affecting sex drive, can all be destroyed by an under- or overactive thyroid gland.
When to Seek Help for Hormonal Imbalance
If you have a suspicion that there might be some hormonal imbalance causing trouble, seek medical advice immediately. They may perform simple tests to check your hormone levels and, based on the results, discuss treatment options such as hormone replacement therapy if needed. Take note ladies, your doctor has seen and heard all of it so don’t shy away from discussing any questions or problems you have about your sexual health.
4. Relationship Problems
Honestly speaking, hot sexuality doesn’t exist alone outside relationships. In times of relationship crisis, intimacy takes a back seat most often too. Arguments that continue without cease, emotional distance between partners or feeling unheard by them anytime one has something important to say may all lower the need for sex.
Communication is Key
Good news? You and your partner can bring back that spark together by following these tips:
- Schedule Time for Connection: Even if it’s just takeout, a movie, and a cosy night in, make date nights your priority.
- Open Up and Talk: Be open and honest with your partner about your wants and needs. Do not hesitate to begin discussing matters of sexuality, although it may feel uncomfortable at first.
- Seek Professional Help: When communication is always difficult, try couples counseling. It gives both of you a safe place to work on the problems that you have been having and develop intimacy again.
5. Medication Side Effects
Libido is one of the effects that many medications may cause as adverse reactions, such as certain antidepressants or birth control pills. If your medication is possibly affecting sexual health, then one thing you should keep in mind is being aware of this possibility and having an open conversation with your doctor.
Exploring Alternatives to Finding the Right Balance
Don’t suffer alone, ladies! If you suspect that some medicine you are using affects your sexual life negatively, visit your doctor for advice. Moreover, they can reduce or increase the dosage or prescribe other treatment options. Remember that there are no two similar drugs; hence finding what fits best for you will be very necessary because it will help prove where you belong in terms of dosage.
6. Poor Body Image
The thing is, having negative body image can be a major buzzkill, when it comes to not just rocking that bikini at the beach but also feeling confident and sexy in bed. It’s hard to feel comfortable and desirable during intimate moments when you constantly criticise your reflection.
Tips to improve self-confidence
Here’s some good news for you; you deserve love and desire just as you are! Here are some tips to help develop a more positive attitude towards your body and boost your sexual confidence:
- Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Stop being Ms. Inner Critic! When those bad thoughts come, replace them with affirmations of how strong, beautiful, and worthy you are.
- Celebrate Your Body: Concentrate on what your body does for you; it lets you move around, laugh, and feel all of life’s pleasures.
- Treat Yourself with Kindness: Practice self-care! Take a relaxing bath, treat yourself to a massage, or wear something that makes you feel fabulous.
Get Some TLC. Get pampered yourself! Take a long bath, go for a massage or put on something special that makes you feel amazing.
7. Lack of Exercise
Believe it or not, exercise isn’t just about looking good (although, hello endorphin rush glow!). Regular physical activity has a plethora of benefits, including boosting your sex drive. Exercise improves blood circulation increasing blood flow to the genitals, resulting in more pleasurable sex. In addition, physical activity raises energy levels while lowering stress level thereby promoting healthy sexual life.
Exercises That Help Libido And Performance
Ready for some dancing (and maybe rediscovering bedroom moves)? To get started here are few exercise ideas:
- Cardiovascular workouts: target at least thirty minutes of moderate-intensity training most days every week, such as brisk walking, swimming, or dancing.
- Strength Training: muscle building enhances not only power but also increases testosterone levels, which is beneficial for libido in both genders.
- Pelvic floor exercises: these exercises target muscles responsible for supporting your pelvic organs and therefore encourage better blood flow into these areas, hence improving sexual function.
8. Boredom
Alright, all girls know it, even the most passionate love life can get little boring after sometime. Predictability and routine in sex can make it less exciting and uninteresting. However, there is good news – there are ways to keep things interesting!
Spice Up Your Sex Life: Keeping the Flame Alive
- Embrace Novelty: Buy new sex toys, try different positions, or perhaps we should consider changing locations (why not meet in the backyard?).
- Plan a Steamy Date Night: Set the mood by lighting candles, playing music, and creating an intimate atmosphere.
- Communicate Your Desires: Talk to your partner about what you enjoy and what you’d like to try out for yourself. Open communication is important for keeping things thrilling for each other as well as satisfying yourselves.
9. Depression
Depression is a grave mental illness that can affect every area of your life, right down to your sex life. When one is feeling low, hopeless and unmotivated, they may loose interest in sex easily. Further, some medications used to treat depression can also come with side effects which dampen libido.
If you think it could be depression causing this, it is important to seek help from professionals. Here are some resources:
- Talk to Your Doctor: They can test you for depression and develop a treatment plan that might involve therapy, medication, or both.
- Seek Mental Health Support: Think about when individual therapy may be useful or participating in a support group by people who suffer from similar conditions like you do. It will be really great to talk to someone who has been through all that you are going through now.
Remember, women out there, depression is treatable. You can rediscover happiness in every aspect of your existence, including a healthy sexual life by getting enough support from others.
10. Low Self-Esteem
We already talked about how having negative body image affects one’s sexual life but low self-esteem goes beyond physical appearance. As such, it makes it hard for a person to get comfortable or feel free during marital intercourse since such individuals think badly about themselves not being suitable enough for love or even affection.
However here are some things you can do to cultivate self-love and feel more confident in bed:
- Awareness of Your Strengths and Achievements: Think of what you are good at, as well as some things that make you proud. Instead of focusing on flaws, change perspective and concentrate on the things that add value to life.
- Being Kind to Yourself: Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Everyone has their own imperfections but that does not mean we are disqualified for love and intimacy.
- Establishing Boundaries: You should be able to say NO to things that drain your energy or make you feel uncomfortable. When one learns how to define oneself, they respect themselves more and become stronger in relationships.
There you have it, queens! We’ve discovered quite a number of reasons why your sex drive is down. Remember, however, that there is nothing wrong with having low sex drive. By understanding what throws off balance different aspects of life in your case and taking action to address them, the spark in your love life can be rekindled.
Therefore, explore these possibilities where necessary, seek support if necessary and put sexual health first. Don't let anything dim your light, ladies! You are strong and sexy; a love life full of joy and contentment is your right in this world. Now go out there and own your fabulous self!
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY…..
Hiiii queens!! I’m Lillie Rohan, a Lifestyle and Entertainment journalist. I currently write for established publications such as NZ Herald, Metro.co.uk, The Mirror & of course, Girls Get Off. Along with all things pop culture, I love bringing you helpful info on all things relationship, sex and self pleasure, it’s a vibe! x