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Pt 1. Astrology Hot Takes

Pt 1. Astrology Hot Takes

Queens, I know the Astro world isn't for everyone but let's be real with one another. Nothing says "I've got a crush" like checking your crush's horoscope as well as your own.

And since I'm in my unhinged era and have ultimately had a new crush every few weeks this year - and solidified it by checking their horoscope, thus learning A LOT about star signs - I feel it's only fitting I share my unsolicited hot takes on the sun signs of the lads I've kinda sorta maybe dated.

Aries

Oh, Aries, the first sign of the zodiac, a fire sign, a passionate, impulsive human. In my experience, there is one thing you need to know about dating these signs. If it's not a fuck yeah, it's a fuck no.

I hate lying to you gals, so believe me when I say they are quite literally chaos in human form and they have no business sitting at home pondering their next move. While you're thinking they aren't messaging you because they're playing hard to get, they are actually replying to the 4 chicks they just matched with on Tinder.

It's a cruel world, but Aries thrives on impulse and passion, so if they like you, you'll know. But beware, with passion and impulse comes temper tantrums. Arguments are hundo their love language. Would not recommend dating if you cry easily.

Taurus

If you're looking for a stable lover, this earth sign may be your future baby boo. Admittedly my only romantic experience with a Taurus man is my work husband, but it still counts because this sign is a workaholic.

The bulls are oh so stubborn but in a fun kind of cute way, and when you bitch to them about all the drama in your life, they will validate your feelings while subtly telling you that you are in fact a drama queen. It's all very quiche.

On top of their chill vibe, they love expensive items. My work husband ALWAYS has the latest iPhone or MacBook. It's just their thing.

Gemini

While I haven't dated a Gemini, I have had a summer fling with one, and he was easily the most entertaining character in my love life thus far.

The air sign Gemini gets a bad rep for their "two-faced" behaviour, and you know what, it is kind of true but not in the way you would think. They aren't malicious, just moody. Overall the Gemini is like a bull in a china shop. I can't explain it, but if you know, you know.

These signs are social butterflies, and there is no chance of you getting the ick from their clingy behaviour because you won't be able to find them. They are busy working the room.

Cancer

Good god. Talk to any Astro gal, and Cancer men will likely earn a spot in their top 5 worst signs to date. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's their water sign sensitivity.

Cancer dudes looooove to talk about their feelings, mainly because they have to have a relationship full of trust, but honestly, if you are in your feeling avoidant era, you are going to get the ick.

Especially because they love to talk about their own feelings a lot and not yours. They also love being in a relationship so beware of the love bombing.

Leo

One word, baby. Drama. Like Aries, Leo is a fire sign that's all about passion.

You say sex, they say making love, you say relationship, they say epic love story. You say random meeting, they say written in the stars.

It's very epic, it's very dramatic, and if you need an example of Leo men, we have Taika Waititi, Ben Affleck and Austin Butler. Does that put things into perspective? There will likely be a lot of crying and a lot of main character energy.

Virgo

Forget Gemini having two sides; Virgo's are the real two-faced ones. Yes, they look put together with their lists and their boss bitch mentality but once you know a Virgo, you know they are just organised chaos.

Sure, they feel like they're falling apart inside, but it's okay. They have planned for this. They have a step-by-step guide on how to deal with this. They have the tape handy.

Dating a Virgo basically means surrendering all control and letting them take the lead, then getting told off when you don't pull your weight.

Come back next week for part two 💗

- By Lillie Rohan