Protect the Bed, Not the Vibe: Enter the Freak Sheet Era

Ever had a spicy moment that was so good… you immediately started doing mental maths about how much your mattress cost?

Like, you are mid vibe, mid kiss, mid “oh hello??” and suddenly your brain goes: Wait. Is that a wet spot? Is that a BIG wet spot? Is that… the fitted sheet’s problem or the mattress’s problem?

If you’ve ever thrown a towel down “just in case” and it instantly bunched up like an accordion, slid to the side, or somehow became the most unsexy prop on earth, welcome. You’re among friends.

This is your official invitation into the Freak Sheet era: cosy on top, waterproof underneath, and absolutely here to protect the bed, not ruin the mood. (We love romance, but we do not love laundering the duvet at 1am.)

Why is sex so… wet?

Quick reality check: bodies are meant to be messy sometimes. Lube exists. Saliva exists. Natural wetness exists. Periods exist. And sometimes the session gets a bit… enthusiastic.

Also, squirting and female ejaculation are not some mythical unicorn event that only happens in a dimly lit penthouse. In a 2024 study published in Sexual Medicine Open Access, more than half of participants reported experiencing ejaculation and/or squirting. In other words: the “wet” is not rare, it is just under-discussed.

So if you are someone who gets extra wet, wants to experiment, or simply doesn’t want to hold back because you are thinking about the mattress, you are not “too much”. You are just… living.

Are towels a lie?

Not a lie. Just… optimistic.

Towels are great for showers, beach days, and pretending you’re the main character at a pool party. In the bedroom? They tend to;

• Slide around like they’re trying to escape

• Soak through (rude)

• Feel cold and scratchy at the exact wrong moment

• Look like you’re about to clean up a crime scene (no judgement, just vibes)

They can also bunch up and create weird lumps under you, which is not the kind of edging anyone asked for.

So what even is a sex blanket?

A sex blanket is basically a protective layer you put down so you can relax and enjoy yourself, without worrying about what’s happening to the sheets underneath.

And Freak Sheet specifically is designed to look and feel like a cosy throw, but behave like a waterproof shield. It’s made for the messier parts of sex (and the more adventurous parts of fun) while keeping things comfy, soft, and not clinical.

What Freak Sheet can handle (aka: the fun list)

• Squirting

• Messy oral

• Period sex

• Massage oils

• “Oops that got wetter than expected”

• Bed, couch, floor, car (we are not here to police your locations)

What makes Freak Sheet different?

Here’s the part where we keep it simple and practical.

Freak Sheet has two key sides:

• Cosy side: bamboo fibres (soft, comfy, the side you actually want against your skin)

• Protective side: polyester + TPU (the waterproof barrier doing the hard work underneath)

So you get comfort on top, protection below. Which is honestly how most of life should be.

Mini comparison table: Towel vs Freak Sheet

When would you actually use it?

If you’re thinking “Ok but am I really a sex blanket person?” here are the most common moments people become converts.

1) You want to fully let go

If you have ever held back because you didn’t want to make a mess, Freak Sheet is basically permission to stop clenching for the laundry’s sake.

2) Period sex, but make it comfy

A lot of couples avoid sex during menstruation. Whether you are into period sex or not, the reality is: for people who do want it, mess anxiety is a big mood killer. Freak Sheet makes clean-up easier and keeps things cosy, which is kind of what you deserve when you’re already dealing with cramps and hormonal chaos.

3) Oral gets… enthusiastic

Messy oral is elite. Messy oral on your best sheets is stressful. Freak Sheet is the middle ground where everyone wins.

4) You live with housemates and you like things discreet

Not because pleasure is shameful (it’s not), but because sometimes you just want your bedroom to look like a bedroom, not a set from a low-budget detective show.

5) You like “play anywhere” energy

Couch session? Weekend getaway? Airbnb bed you do not trust? Freak Sheet is for the people who want freedom without consequences.

How do you use it without overthinking it?

Here’s the no-fuss method

1. Put Freak Sheet down (cosy side up, waterproof side down)

2. Aim it where the action is likely to happen (centre of the bed, across the couch seat, etc.)

3. Do your thing

4. If it gets messy, congrats

5. Throw it in the wash later

Quick positioning tips (because yes, it matters)

• On a bed: lay it horizontally across the middle, like a wide throw

• On a couch: cover the seat and the bit you usually end up sliding onto

• On the floor: fold in half if you want extra cushioning

Ok but is it a pain to clean?

No, and that’s the point.

That’s it. No weird rituals. No special detergent sermon. Just wash it like a normal human.

Is this just for couples?

Absolutely not.

Freak Sheet is for:

• Solo sessions (the most reliable kind, honestly)

• Couple sessions

• Throuple sessions (we are not counting heads)

• People exploring new sensations

• People who just want less admin

And if you’re single this Valentine’s, this is your sign to buy yourself something that supports your hobbies. Self-pleasure is self-care. Sometimes self-care is also self-protection… for your mattress.

What’s the real vibe shift here?

Freak Sheet isn’t about being “extra”. It’s about removing the annoying little mental tab that stays open during sex:

• “Is this going to stain?”

• “Do we have to change the sheets?”

• “Should I stop or…?”

• “Why does this towel feel like sandpaper?”

When your brain stops doing laundry forecasting, you can actually be present. That’s the whole point.

Product links

• Freak Sheet

• Sex Blankets and Pillows

References

• Påfs, J., et al. 2024. “Women’s experiences of female ejaculation and/or squirting.” Sexual Medicine Open Access.

• Barnhart, K., et al. 1995. “Attitudes and practice of couples regarding sexual relations during menstruation.” Contraception.