The Pull Out Method Works and Other Myths with Danielle Bezalel

You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast in all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. 

Welcome to the podcast Danielle, so nice to have you joining us. Thank you so much for having me. It is a pleasure to be here, and I can't wait to bust some myths with y'all. I love it, and we'd love to hear from you about your journey, what your life looks like at the moment. Tell us all about yourself. Absolutely, I'm Danielle, AKA DB, she her pronouns. I am the show runner, executive producer over at Sex Ed with DB. And it's a feminist podcast, you know, bringing you all the sex ed you never got through unique and entertaining storytelling, centering LGBTQ and BIPOC experts. And so that's what I'm doing full time, which is the dream, with not always the case that people get to do kind of their side passions and turn it into a full time gig. But I was lucky enough to be able to do that. And I'm currently living in California with my fiance and my cat, Ruby. My fiance's name is David. He'll come second to my cat Ruby, I guess, in this naming of my family. And what does my life look like? My life is very happy. I get to teach all about sex education on the internet and when I'm lucky, in classes of middle school and high school students occasionally. And that's it right now, I guess. Where do you find the biggest gaps are in our knowledge with sex ed? Do I have 900 hours? What was the moment that made you think, okay, I need to actually do something about this? Was there something that broke the camel's back or is it something that you've been aware of for a long time? Yeah, so this is kind of like a twofold story that I like to share. One, and I'll make it short, one is that my mom is an OBGYN and so ever since I was little, I've really... seen women's rights and women's health and anatomy and puberty and all these things I was experiencing as a kid is really important and just matter of fact things that we needed to talk about. And secondly, after I graduated from college, I went to Israel for a year and I taught English there. I have some family there. I wanted to kind of like learn the language and I knew that I wanted to teach English abroad somewhere and so that's where I chose. And my teaching cohort went on a field trip. to a very religious Jewish community in Jerusalem and there was a main rabbi who was kind of showing us around talking about his traditions and he mentions kind of offhand during our tour that he had five daughters and when each of them reach the age of 17 or 18 they get married off by the matchmaker and they don't learn about sex until their wedding night when they have it for the first time and to cap it all off, cherry on top that they pray that they get pregnant that night, like they... pray to God that they get pregnant. And big yikes, right? Like really bad stuff. I think like... GER And Jo and I are both looking in disbelief right now. STACEY Yeah. Quite shocking and really ultimately very sad and just a pure violation of human rights. I think there's so much to this and me and my 21-year-old body at the time was very angry and very... frustrated and just completely, I felt that was unacceptable. And so I raised my hand to kind of challenge this man and be like, what about what they want? What about, you know, getting them access to the internet? Like these women don't have access to the internet in some cases. So it's just this like terrible experience. And he's like, oh, that's just how it goes here. And so it was in that moment, I remember at the time I was doing like a one sentence a day journal that I wrote it like, oh, like I'm never gonna forget this day, it was like October of 2014. And I that week started researching public health programs and learned about Columbia University's public health program and that's where I ended up going to get my MPH, my master's of public health and focused in sexuality and reproductive health. But it was really that day that I like knew that this was like my calling, like something needed to shift. Yeah, that would be the example of the straw that broke the camel's back. That's incredible and good on you for doing something about it. How inspiring, that's awesome. I mean, like you can, the situation probably hasn't happened just to you, but to actually do something about it. Thank you, yeah, I mean, I'm very lucky and like, you know, recognize very much there are people, you know, you don't have to go to another country to see this, right? Like there are people in our own neighborhoods, in our own school districts, wherever you are, that like aren't getting access to the proper age appropriate sex education that they need in schools. And so I think that it very much resonated with me, this idea of going back home and moving back to the West Coast and then eventually to the East Coast to get my degree, to really know that this was something that was a need and a gap for many, many people. Yeah. Oh my goodness. And I suppose that, I suppose today's topic leads on a little bit from what you mentioned in terms of maybe some misinformation, a lack of awareness or education around certain topics. I mean, there's been plenty of things I feel that Jo and I have learned or I can speak from my own experience anyway about being on this journey as business owners in this space. And there's constantly things that we're learning. But for those who have no idea or even for people who may have had different experiences or gotten their information from random places or believed things from something that they heard in high school. We put the question out to our audience around what are some sex myths that you want answered or that you still believe and it was really insightful to see what came in. So I want to touch on a few of these first and we can just start from the top and go through what people had. So the first thing that popped up was you can catch the clap or they mean chlamydia from public toilet seats. Yeah, I think that this is an age old myth that is something that young kids hear in kind of bathroom gossip of, oh, I don't want to sit there. I'm going to get like a disease from that toilet seat. Let me set the record straight. You cannot get an STI from a toilet seat. And just a little bit of information there, there are three things that need to happen in order for STIs to be passed from someone to someone else. Number one, there must be more than one person present. So I guess technically speaking, if there are two people on a public toilet seat, maybe the transmission can happen from person to person there. But if usually, typically you're by yourself on the toilet, you're just there by yourself, right? So there must be more than one person present. Number two, if there is another person present, someone in that group of two or more has to already have an STI. And number three, there must be a way for that STI to get from one person to another, meaning... genital to genital contact, mouth to genital contact, etc. So let me again, set the record straight, you cannot get an STI from a toilet seat. Unless you're having sex on that toilet seat. Correct. In which case, the STI is coming from the person and not the toilet seat. Yeah. And in which case, please write into our Sunday Confessions because we need to hear that story about your toilet seat sex. Respect, honestly, if you can manage that, like go for it. I know. No, it's a really good one to bring up though, because what, I'm 38 and it still crosses your mind when you go to a public toilet, what could you catch off this seat? Yes. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. I think like there are a lot of myths and ways that things get spread through the Internet or word of mouth. and it's important to be clear about the information. Yeah, no, great to know. Really good to know. All right, the next one is queefing is just farting. Great, really wonderful. Let's get straight to the queefs. So fun fact is that if you type in pretty much like any sex-related question or word including queefing next to the words planned parenthood, you'll get a whole vocabulary list of these words with definitions. So I did just that to get the exact Planned Parenthood definition that they have on their website. You can do the same if you're ever confused. But queefing is actually the sound that's made when air is released from the vagina. So not from the anus, but from the vagina. And how does that air get pushed out? It's usually through vaginal sex or penetration with a tampon or a finger or a sex toy. And so it might sound like a fart, but it is not coming from the anus. It is coming from the vagina. Cool. And with that, is that because air has already been pushed in there? it's pushed in there, trapped somehow, and then, yeah. Exactly, so if you ever kind of see, I'm sure there are kind of rom-coms with this, where there's kind of active penetrative sex with a cis man and a cis woman having PV sex, penis vagina sex, and maybe it's like, they're going fast or hard or what have you, and then maybe the position that someone is in kind of causes that air to maybe be trapped in there. And then when there's a release or a switch in position, there's maybe that farting noise or that queefing sound that you hear. And that is most likely, if it's coming out of your vagina, a queef. Nice. Good to cleave it one up. Any tips on, yeah, any tips on how to get through that awkward little moment? Just laugh and carry on? Yeah, I think know that like queefs are normal, right? Like a lot of people just like farting, experience queefing. And I think it's funny to be like, oh, that's a little awkward, sorry, that was my queefing. Or just like own it and be like, yep, I just queefed like one of it. You know, I think like, yeah. I remember one time where I was like, that was your fault. No. Exactly, right? Because it's like pressure. The pressure for putting the air in me in the first place. Do you think they can feel it? I've never asked. Yeah, surely they can feel it. I don't know, maybe there is... Because usually the queef happens right after that release of something or if something's being taken out. So I think it's after the fact, not really usually during it. It's kind of like the release afterwards. Yeah, okay. Because you know like a bike tire pump? right? Like, and then the air gets full enough to tie a pump and then it gets harder to pump in. Like wonder if it's like that? Like, the marks. Interesting analogy. Yeah, surely they had one in the air pocket somewhere. Right, right, right. And anyway, on that note, this one came through a couple of times and it was that the bigger, the better. Yeah, there's, I have a lot of thoughts on this. I think first and foremost, we need to look at what kinds of messaging we're receiving from that and where that's coming from. And more often than not, we're receiving that kind of messaging from porn, right? I wanna make it clear that porn penises are not the average size penis. I believe the average size penis is something roughly around five inches, whereas porn penis averages, I think, are like eight inches or something higher than that, right? And maybe this isn't global porn, but I think this is specific to the US. And so it's really important that we recognize that porn penises and people who own them are chosen for their goods, right? Like they are chosen because they have very large penises and because they are good at sex or good at whatever they do in order for them to be professional adult film stars. And so I think like really questioning where we get our messaging is super important. Number two, I want to make it clear that there's this whole idea that you know the bigger the penis the better experience that someone with a vagina who you know might identify as a woman or a femme is going to be experiencing better sex and Spoiler alert for the next myth, which is that actually 70 to 80% of people with vulvas need or desire clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Are we getting that clit stim from a penis? Probably not, right? Like most likely that's not really the key thing that many women or people with vulvas need in order to reach orgasm. So when we're thinking about all of these things in general, and we kind of cap it off with this idea that actually like really good sex or really good intimacy is about communication. It's about making sure that you're being asked the right questions, that you know the right pleasure points, um, more about the motion of the ocean, so to speak, and not the size. I think it's really important that we, we recognize that there are so many different ways to feel pleasure from our partner and with ourselves, right? Like we don't need a penis in order to feel pleasure again, spoiler alert, in case you didn't know. And so yeah, let's put this myth to bed. Pun intended. Love that, love that. Yeah, and bigger also comes with its downfalls. Yeah, I mean, if you are someone who loves a big dick, like go for it, like do your thing, that's awesome. And you should, and you, if you get pleasure from that, then that's great. But just know that that's not most. people's experience and that's okay too. Totally. And I think that the, like as you mentioned, the narrative and porn and stuff, it's just the thing we have to remember there is just in general as well as that it's not real life. Someone asked me a question the other day, said, what's your opinion on, what's your opinion on porn? And I was like, well, it just, the main thing is to remember, like I'm not a sex expert. I asked the experts question on something. questions on this podcast, but from what I've learned and from what I know, I think the main thing in general is that it's not real. It's not real life. It's not reflective of how people actually have pleasure necessarily, nor should it be like a tool to like learn stuff from. As you mentioned that like communication and like figuring out what gets the other person off is actually the most important thing. And then that's what we need to, that's what people need to be aware of. Totally. And just And that there's, you know, nothing inherently wrong with porn. Porn is entertainment. We just really need to teach the difference between porn and real life sex. Couldn't agree more. Yeah. And it's not going away. So, you know, it's going to be there. It's not. It's just it's not going away. And the people who are like such avid porn haters, it's kind of like. you probably watch it. Like you're probably just like judging yourself and like feeling a lot of guilt. Like let's be honest and like someone you love like just like we say someone you love has had an abortion. Someone you love watches porn and I think the more we can destigmatize it and just like teach it for what it is and recognize sure like is it take you know ask the main questions is it taking over your Daily responsibilities of work, school, or childcare? No? Okay, good to know. Is it harming you or someone else? No? Good to know. Can you not think about anything else and just your thinking about porn? Is it so overwhelming for you? No? You're probably good. You probably have somewhat of a healthy relationship with porn and if you don't feel like you do, chat with a therapist, chat with a sex therapist or a mental health provider. it's definitely not something that we should feel so incredibly ashamed of because so many people, billions of people watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say it so well. I also, on top of size though, I also think shape has something to do with it. For sure, yeah. Depends on like the angles that people have. Everyone has like different pleasure points like inside of their... vagina or their clitoris or different erogenous zones, like, you know, it really just depends on the person and the relationship and other things that are going on, right? Like if there are other things that you're attracted to about that person, then maybe their penis size or shape is really important to you because that's part of it or it's not as important to you because there are other things that you more so are focused on. It's just so dependent on the person. Yeah, absolutely. All right, and this one leads us into big feet equal big dick. Yeah, so I was kind of doing some research on this. Sorry, not yeah. Actually, no. What the research on this shows is that there's either no connection or a weak connection between foot size and penis size. However, there might be a connection between penis size and height. So like instead of thinking about feet size, really more so thinking about like how tall that person is and the fact that height, increased height might be increased penis size, but definitely not a correlation. It's a potential connection. Yeah, yeah, definitely not a rule that fits everybody. You can never tell. It would be handy though, wouldn't it? If you were like, oh, okay, I know what I'm getting myself into type of thing. Yeah, I think like, it's so again, like the average it comes back to the average, right? Like we have these ideas that, oh, like bigger a bigger person will equal a bigger penis size, like we just don't know, and it's so dependent on the person. And at the end of the day, honestly, if you want a really big penis, buy a dildo. That's gonna be my recommendation. If you're 18 plus and you're listening to this, go buy an eight-inch dildo and see how that feels inside of you. And if you're like, cool, I'm into this, then just use your dildo or your vibrator. And if you want someone with a large penis, that's your prerogative, but just know that penis can be purchased at a store. Totally. Yeah, you might be shopping around for the real thing for a long time. That's so funny. Okay, talk to us about sex burning calories. Does it burn a lot? Is it the same as going for a run? Do I have to not worry about going for a swim that day if I've been banging all afternoon? What do we need to be aware of? Yeah, this is such an interesting question. I wonder if the person behind this question is like... Yeah, I'm kind of tired of working out. I'd rather just fuck. Like, is that cool? Which is like a fair cue. I think all of us maybe at different points of our lives are like, I don't really feel like working out, but sex sounds nice or whatever. But there's been like a little bit of research on this and I think some of that research shows that men burn roughly an average of, and this is based on kind of like specific studies, right? Like this isn't kind of the be all end all, there isn't a confirmed amount of calories that you know by X amount a minute, if you're having sex that you will burn. It's really dependent on the person, positions, what kind of like work and effort that you're putting into this sex, right? Like who is kind of like doing the thrusting, the moving, the whatever you are that you're doing. Or there are some pillow princesses out there who are like, just make me come, I don't need to move, and like that's cool too. Probably won't burn that many calories like that. But that being said, research has kind of found that men burn an average of around 100 calories during sex, or if you're dividing that, it's around 4.2 calories burned per minute. And women, and again, this is like cis-het sex, burn an average of 70, roughly, calories during sex, or about 3.2 per minute. So it's not that much probably if you think that you probably I don't know if this is confirmed burn more in your sleep question mark. I don't know I would assume that I could be wrong maybe fact-check that but I think like To me that's like pretty low if you think about like yeah Minute workout you most likely were gonna if you're moving like that whole time You're probably gonna be burning more than 70 calories if you're a woman. Yeah, I'm thinking about me loving it on top and I was trying to think of a nice way to put that but we're just going with that. That I do. Compared to me on the peloton right like I swear I can last longer on the peloton than what I can do. got to be burning some calories. Maybe. I mean, I think like it really depends, right? Like what you're doing on top. If it's like. I don't have the option. Right. Maybe it's just that we're going with that for now. Maybe it's like Pilates, you know, where you work all the little muscles, you kind of lie there and you're using, you're moving one leg, you know, and it's kind of burns at the time. Maybe that's what it's like. Yeah. That might be more toning. Yeah. Right. Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, I think that's right. I'm going to turn my left leg today. Yeah, or like your hip flexors or abs if you're kind of like holding yourself in a specific position. It really does, I think, depend on like what kind of sex you're having, who you're having sex with, and how like rowdy it is, I guess. Yeah, exactly like you can't kid yourself and just be like, okay not working out today having sex and then like lying on your back And just let right now still the work Exactly. Let's take be realistic. Cool Okay Orgasms bring on labor I am not an OBGYN or a birthing professional. This is from my own research on the internet and what articles I could find that I trust of trusted resources. And so just wanna make that a disclaimer. If you are someone who wants to learn about this from your doctor, highly recommend you do that. Now that I've made that disclaimer, there are a few kind of theories around what sex, having sex. to induce labor kind of look and sound like. And so there are a couple things that I kind of wanted to go through while we're on the topic, not just about orgasms, but surprisingly semen could have something to do with this as well. So human semen contains a hormone called prostaglandins, or which is I guess a hormone like substance, don't really know exactly what it is then if it's not a hormone and a hormone like substance, that's for your chemistry teacher. And that can help kind of like ripen the cervix, which like kind of like promotes like the, like labor to start. And so because like synthetic prostaglandins are used as kind of like in like from your medical professional sometimes in order to induce labor, like maybe that semen would be a natural kind of way to do that. So not necessarily, you don't necessarily, orgasm and semen comes inside of you, right? There are plenty of people who, you know, the person with penis comes. So the dude needs to orgasm and you're gonna have baby maybe. Right, right, right. It's like, it's a big maybe, right? And so another piece of this is like, if the breasts and the nipples are stimulated, that can release oxytocin. And so in the... like labor and delivery room, another kind of synthetic thing that you might receive is pitocin, which is a synthetic form of oxytocin. So oxytocin is naturally produced in your body, and that can cause uterine contractions, which can speed up labor. And so again, like another logical way that can happen. And then to the original question, orgasm can also cause uterine contractions, which is why orgasm can also... help in period cramps, aid period cramps, which is a known thing that even though there's not that much research on the female orgasm, which there should be, we do know that it can help aid period cramps because of those uterine contractions. So when we're thinking about all these things combined, right? And again, like, don't just like bone because you're listening to this episode. Like if you are like nine months pregnant and you are wanting to know if you should fuck your partner, then I highly recommend you talk to your medical provider. But all these factors of like the kind of like breast stimulation, nipple stimulation, semen as well as orgasms kind of creating like contractions, it can promote ripening of the cervix and can induce labor. But it's possible, right? And research doesn't really show. like, oh, they've done a double blind study on this and it occurs, labor occurs faster for those who have had sex compared to those who haven't. So this is all just kind of like theory, right? And we know that this leads to this and therefore it can lead to that. Yeah. At the end of the day, you're about to go through a decent amount of pain. So just have some fun now before it starts. Get some pleasure in that. For sure. Yeah, depending on what kind of labour you have, if you are having a C-section, then maybe your experience will be very different than a vaginal birth. Still the needle going in through the back, so I'm voting for the... God, that doesn't sound excellent. But hopefully if you talk to a medical provider and they're like, go for it, have as much pleasure as you want, then like... Also just clitoral orgasms, right? Like you don't need to have penetrative sex. Like that's definitely like an easier, potential way to get some pleasure. Totally, get that vibrator out. Get that vibe. Tell us about erections in women. Yeah, so I love this question because if you have heard of the podcast, Cliterally the Best, she is a friend of mine who is also an illustrator. She's in sex educator illustrator, and she has this really awesome diagram that basically shows the fact that the penis and the clitoris are kind of like look exactly the same when you look at them in their structures. And like when someone is like coded DNA wise to like become a female, then like that tissue becomes the clitoris, but when they're coded DNA wise to become male, then that tissue is turned into a penis. And so I think it's just really interesting to think about anatomy in that way, because you really notice the similarities. And so when aroused, we do know that the clitoris can grow up to like 300% in size. And how that happens is blood rushes to that erectile tissue. and it causes it to become engorged. And that's what a clitoral erection is. So if you're someone with a vulva and you notice that maybe after you orgasm or when you're becoming aroused or when foreplay is happening between you and your partner when you're having sex, maybe your vulva feels a lot fuller if you put your hand on it. And that's because blood is rushing to that area. There you go. I share way too much so I'm just keeping my mouth shut for that one on purpose. It's okay. Oh, I'm sorry. force me to keep my mouth shut. Socks. Do you have a better orgasm when you're wearing socks? So again, there isn't that much research on this. I think anecdotally, I'll say that I have heard that this can help. There was one study conducted at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, don't know how to say that, where there were 13 straight cis couples, age 19 to 49, and essentially the researchers found that when the couples were given socks, about 80% were able to achieve orgasm compared with 50% that lacked socks. So there's like a 30% climax difference. The idea or the theory behind this is that when your feet are warmer, you are more able to have a warmer body temperature and you are more able to achieve orgasm when that is the case. Maybe you're more comfortable or more kind of like regulated when that's happening. I don't know about you, but for me. Even when I'm wearing socks and slippers, my feet are a block of ice. Like, I don't know if I have like bad, bad circulation or what's going on. But I think like it's more challenging for me personally, when I have cold feet, like to sleep or to get comfortable or to like not have my mind focus on that. So I'm sure there's like a mix of kind of like scientific or physiological and psychological effects with that. Do you know if the study was very big? Like how many people were talking? Did they test 50 people? Did they test 2,000? Small, small study. There were... 26 people in total, 13 couples. All right, and did it make a difference between men and women? Was it all cis-het couples or a mix? I think it was all cis-het couples. And I'm not sure if both partners were able to achieve orgasm or if the study was just focused on women. But yeah, it seems like socks are better for some people. Okay, all right. I'm glad it's more scientific because I was just thinking about the first person that actually... realized that, right? So I think, yeah, it being scientific, that makes more sense to do a trial on it. Okay. Yeah, but as I'll mention, like over and over again, like, women's health is severely underfunded. Like there are billions of dollars dedicated to penis research through Viagra and through all these like pills and supplements and... hair growth and like all these things for men. And when it comes to women's health and women's orgasm, scientists are like, whoa, that's inappropriate. It's like, okay. 26 people, that's enough to do a study. Right, right, right. They're like, just pack it in. Like we don't need to do any more recruiting. Yeah, there's so much that goes into that, isn't there? And leading on from that, and honestly, I feel like this is, I feel like this is a huge one. I feel like... Again, it comes back to where people are getting their information from. I feel like there's a lot of assumptions surrounding this, but just the idea of, or the myth, sorry, that most women can orgasm from penetrative sex. Talk us through this one. I love talking about this more than I love talking about anything else because I think that the media has done us dirty when it comes to seeing hundreds of sex scenes where we're seeing a cis straight couple, the man is like missionary on top of the woman, like humping his brains out, like riding, like just like moaning, they're both somehow like coming at the same exact time. and then he just like rolls off of her and they're both like, that was amazing. And it's like, no, like that wasn't amazing for that woman for sure. Like there was no, like, there was no going down on her. There was no fingering. There was no toy. There was no questions of like, does that feel good? How's the pressure? What can I do to like make you feel like you're hot? Like there's just like no communication. at all. And so I think we really need to be critical viewers of the media that we see because once again, similar to porn, it's entertainment and most of those are written by men. If more women were writing sex scenes, we would see them very differently. And I think this is starting to shift. This is starting to change. I'm not sure if you've seen the film Good Luck to You, Leo Grand. Yes, amazing. No. I just have the direct- Okay, I just had the director on my podcast. Her name is Sophie Hyde. And the movie is with Emma Thompson. She is playing this 60 something year old woman who's a widow and she has never had an orgasm in her life. And she decides to hire a very hot, like young 30 year old male sex worker. And the movie is just about like them in this hotel room and different need ups that they have. how her idea about herself and her body shifts and changes over the course of the film. It's really, really well done. There's so much conversation around pleasure, orgasm, consent, normalizing sex work. Like it's just an amazing film. And if we saw movies like that, that were in the mainstream, right? If that made just as much money, $2.6 billion as like the fucking Thor movies or whatever people are watching, right? Like the Avengers movies. Like what would the world look like if more people saw what real life sex could actually be? So all that tangent to say, the answer to this question is that as we mentioned before, you know, roughly like 70 to 80% of vulva owners and or women like need or desire clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And when we don't show that in the media and we don't talk about it in school when your parents don't tell you that. How are you supposed to really understand that? And how can you really go about your life thinking you deserve that? So I think it's a really critical staff that I always try to teach in my classes. A, I can't, A, I watched that one on the plane. I watched it on the plane. I had those full nudity scenes out there. If you could see, I was like, this is great. Amazing. The movie hit the nail on the head for so many amazing things. I loved how. It was like beauty and like an older woman. It was like a real body. There was like a lot of, as you mentioned, like the communication. It was a lot of like, the build up was really good and like that idea of feeling safe and also accepting pleasure as a female. Because it was obvious that she hadn't done that throughout her life and she hadn't actually, it was like she didn't know what she didn't know. Like she just, you know, kind of like accepted. it is what it is, but hadn't actually allowed herself to explore that more. Like there were so many amazing things in that movie. I'm going to post it to stories today because if you haven't seen it, Jo, then so many people mustn't have seen it. It was so great. Yeah. That sounds incredible because it's so relatable to that whole generation, I feel, and even other ones. Yeah. And the normalizing sex work too. I thought that was awesome. Like it was just so well. I finished that movie. I was like, This is great. That was just so good. And what's the other one? An instant classic. Yeah, what's the one? How to Please a Woman. That was very good too. Have you seen that one? It was an Australian film. I don't think so. But that's quite good too. That's a little bit more like comedy, but that's also very good for the themes that come through there, it was awesome. Yeah. Okay, I'll definitely give that a watch. Also the director of Leo Graham is an Australian woman. Wow. Yeah. That's cool. I'm not sure actually if she had done or she goes by she they, I don't know if she identifies as non-binary, but an Australian person. Wow. Okay. How interesting. Yeah. That's all days. Um, alright. Now, can you have an STD and not know it? This is a fantastic one because most people don't get this question right when I ask it, which is when I teach this in classes, I say, what's the most common STI symptom? And I list out four options, right? Itching, burning when you pee, you know, pink marks, or none of the above. And usually people are like, it's itching for sure, or it's burning. And then they don't realize that the answer is none of the above because the most common STI symptom is no symptom at all, actually. And so because of that, you can definitely have an STI and not know it. And in fact, when we think about the most common STI in America is actually HPV, the human papillomavirus. And one out of, I believe... It's like a crazy statistic. I'll try to have it up. Okay, this is the stat. Are you ready? I can read it again, but it's nuts. It's so common that 80% of women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in her lifetime. There you go. And is there a test for HPV? You can't test for it, can you? So the issue with HPV is that there are so many different kinds of strains and I don't know what it looks like in other parts of the world, but here when you're a teenager there's this expectation that you get the Gardasil shot. It's like multiple doses of a shot that prevent the most dangerous strains of HPV that can cause cervical cancer. And so you can't, like maybe you can test for it. It definitely is possible when you get a pap smear that you're kind of like swabbing. for those cancerous cells. I don't know what that really looks like. I just know that 80% of women will get at least one type and most likely those folks, many of them, don't have any symptoms, right? It kind of HPV works really strangely in that you get it and then maybe you don't have a symptom and then it goes away on its own. It's like this very strange thing. But some people do get symptoms. And if they do, it's kind of like, okay, they could get genital warts, which could appear as a small bump or a group of bumps. They could be small or large, raised or flat, shaped like a cauliflower. Doctors usually can look at the genital area and be like, oh, that actually looks like genital warts. So it's really important that if you're a woman or someone with a vulva, aged 30 to 65, that you get that HPV test with your pap smear. And it's a I'm reading about it just now actually it's a DNA test that detects most types of HPV But again if 80% of women will get it in their lifetime, and you know There's nothing you could do about it. Would you want to know you have it? It's kind of like I guess like it would be helpful to know so that you know your STI status But that might cause like more harm than good. I don't really have an answer there. It's just something to think about I agree and I want to talk about the Smithier, that the pullout method doesn't work. The pullout method, let's get the facts straight. The pullout method is better than nothing. I think something that I tell young people all the time is that if you do not have a condom and you do not have birth control and you are going to have sex anyway, then you should do the pullout method. I try to be realistic in my teaching and we know that young people are having sex and we know that people in their 30s and 40s and beyond are having sex and they don't have a condom, they're not prioritizing it, whatever is going on, right? And so it's definitely better than nothing. However, when we look at statistics around which contraception is the most effective at preventing pregnancy. When you look at IUDs, for example, intrauterine devices, the hormonal or the copper, those are 99 plus percent effective at preventing pregnancy. That's an A plus, right? When you're looking at the grade of what you would get in school. Birth control pills with typical use are around 91% effective. That's an A minus, pretty good, like not bad, right? The pullout method is a C plus, that's a 78%. And when you're talking about making sure that you are protecting yourself against unwanted pregnancy and against STIs, the pullout method is not the good method that you want to go for. If you think about it, the dual protection method is actually like the best that you can do, which is a method or multiple methods that are protecting you against STIs and unwanted pregnancy. A great example of this is a condom plus a... birth control pill, right? Because a condom protects against STIs. A condom and abstinence are the only two things that protect against STIs also. Again, with abstinence, like, realistically, are people going to be abstinent most of their life? No. But is that the only way that- You have two children, Jo, you were nice. You're like, I have two kids! That I assume weren't adopted. I feel like it at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Good call out. But we just need to be clear, is my point, that young people should know that the only way 100% to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STIs is abstinence, but for most people that's not going to happen. So we want to prep them with the tools that they need and the resources. I feel like C pluses were okay for my degree, but it's not something I'm comfortable with for my birth control method. Right, fair. My goodness. C+, that is scraping by, isn't it? Yeah, it's not ideal. I think like the pullout method is also really challenging to do, right? Like there are people who can't pull it out in time. There are like people who maybe there's pre-cum, right? And that, you know, pre-cum could potentially lead to a pregnancy. Like I think there's just like, it can get messy literally and figuratively. And so it's really challenging, you know, it really depends on if the person who you're having sex with is ovulating, right? Like there are multiple days out of the month that you could be ovulating. Ovulation is really hard to track. Not everyone ovulates in the same time. People can have different cycles. And so it's really important to think about all the different factors. And if putting a condom on would just prevent worry, and it could protect against STIs and unwanted pregnancy, probably worth it just to use a condom. Yeah. 78% would not help me sleep at night if I did not wanna get pregnant. Yeah, not great, not great. Alright, does shaving your bush make you more susceptible to STDs? So there is some information out there on this. If you really think about it, it's pretty intuitive. So if you have pubic hair, that kind of creates or can create a barrier to someone else, right? partners have shaved pubic hair, that's pretty, you know, there potentially could be kind of like, you know, everyone has like cut themselves shaving or you know, there's like maybe like an open wound that's more susceptible to like skin on skin kind of like rubbing together. Something to think about for herpes is like the way in which general herpes is spread is like skin to skin contact. And so if you think about it, if someone and that like herpes can be spread before a sore actually breaks out. Like there's like the shedding of the skin where an outbreak could happen, where that spreading could happen before the outbreak has occurred, like within a couple of days before. And so when we think about that, you can think of the pubic hair for both parties as like a little bit of a protective barrier. Is it the same as a condom? Certainly not, but it can, I think, aid a little bit. in prevention of skin to skin, really rubbing, friction, touching, and could potentially decrease transmission of STIs. Wow, there you go. Yeah, and final question about sex myths. Using lube increases your chance of orgasm. Let me plug one of my sponsors real quick. So I am sponsored by Uber Lube for my podcast. I'm not sure if you've heard of them. Maybe they are mainly in America, but they're a wonderful silicone based lube. And so I think like because I see lube as such like an overall wonderful thing to have, whether or not it helps you with orgasm, it definitely decreases friction and increases pleasure. Because if you think about it, there's this myth, right? We didn't really cover this, that like, wetness equals being turned on, or turned on equals wetness. And for a lot of people, that doesn't necessarily happen. You can be mentally turned on, but maybe you're pretty dry, maybe you're on SSRIs or depression meds that make you more dry, or other kinds of birth control, or other medications that maybe make your body react in a different way than your mind is reacting. And so lube can really aid in making it more smooth and slippery, and again, decreasing that friction, increasing that pleasure. And so for sure, if you're someone who really enjoys sex with your partner, lube can help increase the fun, not necessarily increase your chances of orgasm, that's really up to you, right, on like what acts you're doing, but it can make sex in general and masturbation more fun and more exciting. The last thing I'll say on this is there are three different major types of lube. There's water-based lube, oil-based lube, and silicone-based lube. And there are a couple of important things to note about when not to use those lubs. And so oil-based lubs should not be used with condoms because they can cause the condom to break or tear. So just something really important to remember. Silicone-based lube should not be used with a silicone-based toy because it can cause the silicone on silicone to break down the toy's materials. which can make you more prone to getting an infection from bacteria that can be in that broken down material. And then water-based lube can get easily kind of absorbed. You might have to keep using a lot of it. So given that, lube is awesome. I think it gives people a lot of pleasure and whether or not you think it'll help your orgasm, you should just try it when you're with yourself or with a partner, because I think most people really enjoy using it. This has been so insightful. Thank you so much. Of course, thank you so much for having me. I feel like I've been lecturing all this time. I hope it was helpful. So good. And yeah, I love your realistic approach that you take. So do I, so awesome. And tell us where people can find you. We want social handles. Tell us about the podcast. Where can people listen? You got it, yeah. You can listen to Sex Ed with DB wherever you get your podcasts. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, SoundCloud, YouTube, you name it. You can follow us on TikTok at SexEdWithDB, and we have the same handle there on Twitter. You can follow us on Instagram at SexEdWithDBpodcast. Amazing, thank you so much for your time, Danielle. Lovely to meet you properly, and have a great rest of your day. You too, thank you so much. Thanks so much for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. You can find us on Instagram at girlsgetoff. You can join our Facebook group, Girls Get Off Uncensored. I think we've got more than 20,000 members in there at the moment. And if you'd like to leave us a rating or review, that always helps us get higher in the charts, and every week we'll pick the most creative review to win a Missy Mini. Thanks for listening.