Podcast Transcript
You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast on all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. Today we are joined with a couple that's going to talk us through how to threesome basically from start to finish, like how to organise it in super healthy ways which was just so cool to hear. Yeah, I don't know what I was expecting from this episode to be honest. Like I had, I think we've talked to people and guests on the show before who've sort of mentioned, you know, you could use these different apps to find a third. But hearing it from Alicia and Ryan in a way that like you say, Joe was like super healthy. There also a bit of foreplay in it, like what that looked like leading up to the point and how they almost dated this girl in a way before they actually got down to business. Yeah. Like one of the like gold bits in there was Alicia saying, you know, like they were doing this with another human. It isn't like they were just wanted an extra sex toy into their relationship, you know, like they didn't want to use somebody. It was really clear that. It was all gonna be so healthy, involving everybody, which is so cool. I love it. And if you haven't heard of Alicia before, she's actually done a lot of posting and lives and stuff in our Facebook group, yours get off uncensored. So I'll read a little bit of a bio about her because she's got a bit of a background in sex and intimacy. So she's a sex and intimacy coach who helps women become confident in their skin and sexuality and live turned on, expansive lives. Welcome to the podcast, Alicia and Ryan. So good to have you on. Super excited as we have already said. Yeah, and let's get into it. Yeah, thank you. We're excited. He's super excited for this. Ryan, Ryan does not look as excited. I, I And so this podcast episode is about organizing a threesome with your partner. And tell us about how this came up. It probably came up, uh, initially like a couple of weeks into dating. Um, because it's like when we started dating, I was supposed to move overseas, so it was super casual. And we were like, oh, we can just be very open about our sexual desires. Um, and so it came up pretty early on, right? That we both wanted a threesome. We were both. Yeah, so this was two and a half years ago. Oh yeah, two and a half years ago. So we obviously met in New Zealand and got along really well on our first day. And Alicia actually came back on the first night. We had a really good time. We had a good time. We got along physically as well as in the time. But I remember actually being quite irritated at the time. So I was like, oh, Alicia's really cool. I feel like we can get along really well with her and her bumble profile. We actually met outside of Bumble, but it's a bit of a long story. Her Bumble profile said looking for a relationship. And then after that first day, she's like, oh yeah, I'm actually moving to the UK in a couple of weeks. Or maybe it was a couple of months. And so you're like, Alicia said, we're just like, oh fuck it, we'll just have some fun and explore. And then I think on our third day, Alicia turned up to my place with a literal sack of sex toys. She just like dumped them out onto the bed and they were like, vibrators and dildos and cock rings. multiple kinds of flavoured loaves and different kinds of just all just all sorts. Oh that's right. It was so overwhelming. Yeah the caramel loaves. But it kind of came up during that sort of initial period where we're like we've only got you know maximum of a couple of months together. Let's empty out those sex toys onto the bed on date number three. Perfect. Right? Yeah. Can recommend it. It's a good way to break the ice. I don't have time to play around. I had to make sure they were all used. I think this is a hot tip. It's a great tactic, like going to a relationship, thinking you've only got a couple of months. Wow. Right. Speaks things along. Yeah. They're not going to play with you. You're, they're either going to be out the door or they're going to be sticking around. So, so this is, so this is two and a half years ago, right? You're about to leave and then, but hold on, like, let's back up to actually your relationship beginning, cause I feel like that's important. Um, and what do you do, Alicia, if you're like, Right, I'm just gonna bring the sack of sex toys over to Ryan's house. What's going through your head? And then how do you just dump them on the bed and go, this is what I think we should do tonight? I'll try my best to tap back into two and a half years ago unless she was going through her mind. What was going through my mind? Had you pre-warned him? Oh, well, we'd had a conversation about, like we were very open sexually, like from day dot. And I think... Like it's always a topic that I'm very open about, like being a sex and intimacy coach, although I wasn't back then, I was very interested in the topic. And we had talked a lot about the different toys we wanted to use, and Ryan had told me the things he had used, what he hadn't used. And I just got really excited, and he was doing something one day, and I had a few hours, so I was like, oh, you know, I haven't been to an actual sex toy store in so long, because I usually do most things online. I was like, let's just go to Peaches and Cream and check out what they have. And I went in, I was like, fuck yeah, bought a bunch of stuff and came back. And I was like, I was like a little kid. I felt like I'd gone to a candy store and I thought he was going to be stoked. Like, oh my God, yeah, all these sex toys to use. The short answer is no, she didn't want me. No, I didn't want it. She said, I feel like he should have known, like we had these conversations. She said, have you used sex toys before? And I was like, I've used vibrators with. previous partners and stuff. And then yeah, she rocks up with literally multiple butt plugs and copper rings and just all so it was, it was fine. It was a bit much. But like, it was just like, you've just dumped like 11 sex toys. At that stage, you're like, what have I got myself into? But it was expensive. I was like, you should be impressed by how much I have put into this and investing into our sex life for the next few months. They've got they've got decent use now. Yeah, yeah, they've had a few. But my first reaction was like, do you really expect us to get through all of this in one night? No, your first reaction was like, overwhelmed. You're like, oh my God, I have to use all the six times with this person. One, two, three, four, five. That's how to lock someone in. Hey, you're not running away until we've used everyone. Yeah, let's try the other butt plug. I love this. We had a conversation a few weeks ago with a relationship specialist expert. Jacob and he was horrified to find out that I'd slept with someone before the third date. And I'm like, are you listening to this Jacob? Jacob, you need to sleep with them on the first date so you know what you're working with. I'm joking. You can sleep with people whenever you are comfortable. There's always and Jacob. the fourth their date works out, can a test like three years later. This is just a great story of a relationship that has worked out with sleeping with someone on the first night. Yeah, we're thinking of selling the movie rights. Yeah. So when COVID happened, is that when you guys decided, okay, let's actually do this relationship for real. Kind of. Yeah, I guess so. I think we had a chat about it. Like within a month of us dating, we were down south traveling together for a week at a time. It moved very fast because we had such a condensed, we knew we had such a condensed period of time together. And so I think- Well, I also wanted to move to the UK at the same time, completely separately from Alicia and had been planning on doing it for a while. And so we started talking about that as though we might, coincidentally, end up kind of going like, oh, maybe we'll like stop in on France on the way and do like a little trip. And so we were kind of toying with the idea of going together. I don't think either of us even made it explicit. I certainly didn't. I think Alicia wanted to. But during COVID, I think that... underlying attitude was still kind of there of like something could actually come out of this. And so COVID was actually really fucking cute for us. Yeah, COVID was where all the intimacy happened because we weren't together in the same home. And so we were reading books to each other aloud and over the phone. Stop it. Yeah, so Helbert's one of his favorite books. And so we're just reading Champions of the Hobbit together. We were having, you know, hours long conversation. So it was really healthy for the relationship. it allowed it to thrive because we didn't, although that sexual physical aspect was fantastic and it was so strong, it allowed us to kind of have other areas thrive, like the non-physical intimacy. Yeah, cause it wasn't like, we weren't having like phone sex or anything, we were actually just having nice long, I think- Not every phone sex was so strong. I think we did like the odd cheeky nude. That's so funny. Yeah, it was a really nice, I think the relationship became quite- real and meaningful over that period. Cause up until then it was like, oh yeah, it's fun. And we're doing lots of cool physical stuff. And yeah, by the time lockdown finished, I think we were both in agreement that it was kind of a real thing. Yeah. And then five months later, we bought a house together. So I mean, you know, oh my God. That was weird actually. We bought a house before we'd moved in together. Yeah. This relationship hasn't really followed these rules that I think everybody thinks relationships have to follow. I think the most important thing that we found was that we were really open with each other. And that was probably supported by how our relationship started, but our communication was always top notch. We knew we were each other. Yeah, we were in our lives and what we wanted. So we, I think that's why we flouted the rules. And when I say rules, obviously quotations, people who can't see video. It's Yeah, that's what I've loved about this relationship and, you know, here talking about threesomes and things and I pinch myself actually a little bit thinking years ago, the relationships I put up with, I call them relationships. They're now called situationships, which I love having a term for. But I couldn't imagine somebody who was one went through such a healthy set up for a threesome, like healthy set up for a fantasy becoming a reality. and who would come on a podcast and chat about it. You guys are bloody cute. Yeah. So it is. It's been wonderful. So cool. So let's get into that healthy setup for a threesome. Yeah. How to, how to threesome. How to threesome. Welcome to our TED talk. Yeah. I'll give like. A very brief background, like I said, we already knew that both of us wanted to have a threesome. We were really open about our wants early on. We moved to Palmerston North, like a year into our relationship, and we just didn't really put in any work to make this happen in New Zealand. We can't, I don't know. I wasn't really that interested in it happening. Like, Palmer is not like a, doesn't seem like. evolving, recent kind of scene. It probably does have a thriving underground. We've seen that we just never got a chance. There's not much else to do. That's true. And for me, I was really focused on strengthening our relationship, really sexually really getting compatible with each other before we started bringing anybody else in. But we also always had in the back of our mind that when we got to London, that this shit was happening, that it was like, we're just gonna become who we really wanna be in this part of our relationship. Oh my gosh, you've got like London alter egos. Basically. That was basically it. We actually have. Once we get to London, no one knows us and we can kind of shed all of the baggage and stuff and all of the doubts and all that kind of stuff. So we quite consciously wanted to reinvent ourselves as tragically lame as that sounds. But it's, partly it was like when we bought our house in Pami, it was really cozy and we lived there with our cat and we both worked from home and we became quite, we became hermits essentially. Just enjoying each other's company, but not really doing much in the way of adventure. And so I think London just was the sort of fresh start or the kick up the ass, I guess, that we needed to start approaching those things with a bit more intensity and a bit more. intense things on the right word. And like just energy. I think it was. A bit more like decisiveness, yeah. Yeah. And so we got to London. It was almost instantaneous, like the shift that happened at ENG, particularly to this guy. I was like, am I dating you man? But within like, I think it was a week, we were sitting at this pub, it was like a Sherlock Holmes themed pub. He was like, you know what, I just, I really want this threesome to happen. I keep thinking about it. Oh, I don't quite remember that. You do! You're like, I want to do this thing. So what I remember was, we were in this pub, I think it was like a Sherlock Holmes themed pub, and Alicia's like, you know what, I just really want this to happen. That is so not true. The truth is lost into the depths of the night. It's definitely him, because... before I know it that night. And I was like, yeah, no, absolutely. We're gonna do it. We've always kind of agreed that we're looking into it. We should probably for context mention that Alicia is bi. Oh yeah, I'm bisexual. So this wasn't, this isn't just me being like, hey, we've got to do this and like twisting around kind of thing. Yeah, it's something we both wanted and I've always wanted to explore more with women because yeah, I'm bisexual and I haven't really got to explore that side of me too much. So great context setting, babe. But before, I was like, yeah, cool. Like... thinking in my mind, you know, give us a couple of months to set up. And like by that night, he had sent up a like set up a Tinder bio. He was like, people looking for a unicorn. We we've never done things slowly, though. No, we haven't. We like dive into it. That's so funny. Even like with when we did get our house, we went and looked at the place, put in an offer and it was accepted like a week, like 24 hours later. Right. And so I think that was the sort of mentality I was like, well. We don't really wait around. We just sort of, if we want something, we kind of just do it. Yeah. I just don't think I had kind of realized that he was going to be so proactive. I mean, I'm so glad he was, but I was like still in the midst of setting up. Now, I'm not the kind of person to say I told you so. Okay. So I won't. Okay. Don't tell me. We'll just let it hover there. Yeah, we'll let it hover there. But you'd set up like a Tinder profile that night, right? Yeah. Um, it wasn't like, Hey, I'm going to do, I'm going to do this and we're going to have a threesome. It wasn't quite like that. I was like, I'm just going to set up a profile and get kind of for fun and see what kind of reactions we get. Um, and so I set up a Tinder profile and the first reaction was I got permanently banned. Yeah. Within like 40 hours. Yeah. He's banned forever. So even if we break up, he's never going back on Tinder. Sorry, babe. Yeah. So we set it up and like, I think we literally only used it for like a couple of, I think we'd done like one thing of swipes. Yeah, yeah. And then checked it the next day and it was like, you've been permanently banned for a breach of Tinder's. So you're not allowed to try and find, throw some on Tinder. So you are allowed to, presumably you are allowed to, but. Probably didn't do enough research about this first. Yeah, cause I just Googled like, how do people. what's a good way of organizing free time? I was like, oh, I'll try Tinder. And so I just put pictures of Alicia and I together. And I said, Ryan and Alicia, you know, looking for a unicorn, here's a little bit about us. That's a breach of Tinder's terms and services because one account can only be one person. So you can't have like two people represented by the account. So we thought we'd done something really, really horrible. And then we looked through the terms and services because they didn't tell us why we were banned. So I'm assuming that's why. So that's what I... that halted the plans for all of 15 minutes. And they were like, okay, on the bubble. On the bubble. And now obviously we had some expertise because of our experience. We were like, Ryan, you just put yourself forward and then like put in your bio, a little bit more information. Yeah, but I still put pictures of Alicia. Yeah, just so people could obviously see the goods. I think we just said, I just said Kiwi in London looking for a unicorn. I think that was it. Yeah, it was pretty basic. And look, it's really interesting because I think you, you know, online, there is this narrative that it's quite easy, I think, to get a threesome, like to go on Tinder, to go on Bumble, all this stuff and get a threesome. Um, we realized looking back, like we feel like we lucked out and how we got the person who was interested in going to the next stage because everybody else like swiped and hadn't read the bio properly most of the time. And they were surprised that like, oh, there's another person in this relationship and Ryan had to like make sure every time somebody contacted, Hey, like, do you know what this is for? So that it was really clear. And, you know, we didn't lead anybody on. Yeah. There was people that messaging me like, Hey, like I'd love to grab a drink with you when you free us had to be like, you mean both, you mean Alicia and me come up for a drink and she was like, what are you talking about? Who's the girl in your photos? I said, that's my partner. Like it just seems to, I always assumed that unicorns are fairly well. understood term. Yeah, they were like, no, maybe not. So good thing to note for people is that you might have to like, guide people on the journey. Spell it out. Like really spell it out. Yeah, spell it out. Like put some winks, winks and hopefully somebody will Google it or just say Google it. But the girl that did eventually respond is part of the kink scene. And so she was obviously very familiar with the terminology. Yeah, and it was only within probably 48 hours of signing up to Bumble that she swiped on us and started a conversation. Go London! You wouldn't get that in Parming. We'd be waiting like three years. Oh god. Still swiping. But yeah, she was super keen. She reached out. She was like, hey, this is something I haven't done before. Like I'm in the kink scene, I'm very sexual and open, but I haven't done this before and, you know, I'm interested. The initial conversation was quite funny though because Alicia was like, um, Oh, you just handle it and you, you can message. Just let me know what you're saying. Yeah. So again, we're completely transparent. And then I was messaging this girl and there was like, seemed to be a bit of, um, but a banter. Yeah. Good banter. I mean, I don't know if I'd use the word chemistry, but you know, like it was good banter at least she's like, Hey, you and your partner seem really cute and tell me what, what you're looking for. And so we had a good conversation, but. It was maybe a day or two and Alicia obviously hadn't said anything. I just said, Oh, Alicia says this, Alicia says that. Oh no. Cause we went to WhatsApp afters because we were like, Oh, sorry. You gotta spin the story. Um, but yeah, eventually we're like, she might think that I'm making Alicia up. And, and so then we're like, we'll move to a group chat because I noticed that her responses had kind of become less enthusiastic over the next day or so. But once we moved to. WhatsApp and we had all three of us in there, picked up again. Because I think, I think you always have to be weary when you're a third and you know, you're finding a couple, et cetera, and you could just tell that she had that wearyness, like, is this a real deal? These real people on the other side, and this is just a guy trying to catfish me. So once we got on the WhatsApp, it was much more fun and we just spent, I think it was a couple of weeks talking to each other and Sorry, I was going to say I'm finding that part fascinating because I think anybody that I've known that has had threesomes, they don't like talking to the person. They don't want anything to do with them after to like block out any sort of jealousy or anything like that. Yet you guys seem like you've got a great relationship with this person. I think, to be honest, I think the talking to her for a couple of weeks then was partly accidental. said, you let's go out for a drink or something. I think after we moved out of the Airbnb, right? So after the first maybe week, we tried to organize drinks, but then we got struck by a series of unfortunate events essentially. Alicia got a cold sore, and then I think I got a cold sore, and then you got sick, and we kept getting like just ill and stuff back to back really, really weirdly, and had to keep postponing when we were gonna meet up for a drink. And so that is partly why we're like, oh. We said this elongated. Yeah, sorry. I've, I've got, I've fallen sick. So I probably not a good idea for us to hang out. Like, do you want her to postpone? And she was really cool about it. She's like, yeah, how about we try next week? And so I think in a way that was good because again, we sort of built up the banter and got to know her personality and everything and we could communicate about, um, you know, what she wanted to experiment with and that kind of stuff. Right? Yeah. I mean, I, that is something that I think. we were aware of like going in, you know, how much of an emotional relationship do we wanna create with this person? First of all, I'm really cognizant and I made it really clear and Ryan's fully obviously on board with this about how a third is an entirely full human being and they're not here as a plaything, right? So we're going into a sexual experience with another human being and I wanna treat everybody as such who's there. So that's why it was important for us to have these conversations, to be really open to, yeah, I guess make it so that when we did finally have sex altogether, it was going to be more like, oh, wow, here's three human beings having sex, not a couple with like their plaything having sex. So we wanted to be really conscious about that. And, but I won't lie, like it was, there was still times during it that I was like, I mean, I know all the shit that can happen, right? I know how you can have an idea of something and then the reality can turn out so different. You're like, no, I'm not a jealous person. I'm not on a mind about this. And I was, but I was very aware that could shift at any moment. And so there were times like when we were talking with each other, cause Ryan's a much better communicator than me, like online, he'll get back to people so fast. I can take days to get back to people. And so she was messaging and he was like jumping on I just felt a bit guilty that I wasn't so involved. And there were parts of it sometimes that I was like, are we communicating with her too much? What type of relationship are we building here? But she was really open early on that she didn't want anything more. This was about sex and yes, she wanted to get to know us as human beings, but she wasn't looking for an open relationship, that she could continue something on forever. She wasn't looking to be a third. that became emotionally involved with us too much. So I think that kind of, that supported us and that helped. But yeah, we really enjoyed actually ending up talking to her. And we went out for drinks before. What was really awkward that part, right? Cause I think that's the awkward part when you're talking to each other. Cause you're like, yeah, we're super open. Everybody knows what they're here for. But then it's like, who's gonna say the thing at the time that triggers that next step? And... We all decided to like go out for cocktails and meet up for drinks. And I was like, I haven't been on a date since well, you know, started dating this guy. Neither had he. This guy. And um, I have a name. Oh babe. And um, we, so we, we were kind of nervous and apprehensive and excited, right? Yeah. We went out for drinks first and we were like, oh my God, this is so much fun. With the intention of sleeping together that night or another night. That was hard because nobody had really made it. Nobody had really talked about it. Right. We, we, I think we both, we all went in kind of going, this is where we all meet each other and see if we vibe and if something happens, then something happens. But there was nothing explicit about this being the night. Right. That was, I'm pretty sure nobody had said anything. It was, it was basically just a date. Like, it was like any first date where, you know, you probably. you might want to sleep with them and there might be a underlying assumption that it's going to happen. But it wasn't like a, it was more like, let's just go and have drinks and see how things go. More than let's go and have a few drinks and then fuck. So it was like, like Alicia was saying, I think, I think we've approached it maybe, maybe differently to how some other people do it. We really didn't want it to be like. Yeah, we'll go in there, we'll have sex and then like, you're never allowed to talk to each other again. Yeah. Like she's a person, she's not a fuck toy, you know? And so I think that approach has actually worked really, really well for us. Yeah. It means that, well, we can get into the actual sex part later, but I think it really elevated the experience because of building that sort of... It sounds bloody healthy, right? That's what we always try to do. I know. Like now I'm like, how could you organize it a different way? That's, that's so healthy. Cause we thought like, if we, even if we don't, and obviously to like a spoiler that we didn't actually end up sleeping with it at night. Yeah. Um, so we were like, there was going to be a little bit of, I don't know, maybe disappointment that we'd hyped it up so much in our heads, but we'd had the conversation beforehand. Yeah. Even if we don't end up sleeping with a let's just treat this as like going out and having drinks with a friend and like having a good night. And it was really cool because we went to this like almost secret cocktail bar in the middle of London, you had to give a password to get in. And there was like a little dummy storefront and you go through the storefront and they take you down the bike through this hidden staircase and through it like literally through a kitchen at the back into this hidden little place. And so it was just it was just a fun night. And I think having that attitude helped as well, because. Again, even if it was like a bit of, ah, well, it didn't happen at the end of it, going into it with the, you know, prepared for that, just made us enjoy the night as going out for drinks. And like Alicia said, we went out for drinks, just the two of us beforehand as well, and so we got to, yeah, just get dressed up and hang around London. So, yeah, I think, I think that's a good way of doing it. It worked for us anyway. Yeah, it did work for us. It was really good, like meeting her out for a date because We talked about this as well, I think such a normal thing for threesims. I think people are starting to organize more. I think, you know, you can be like, do we plan it or do we just go out for a night and try to get lucky? And there was part of me that felt like, Oh, can we just go out and try to get lucky? Cause that feels so much easier than this like elongated process. But that was probably the fear in me more than anything. And, you know, going through this whole process now. definitely assures me and us that this is so much more fun. This actually is, it is the easiest process for us. Like if we went on a nine out and we got lucky, we'd be like, fuck yeah, like if this felt good for everybody, let's do it. But for our first time, I'm really glad that we went through this process together because we've had so much fucking fun in our relationship through this process. I feel like our sex life with just each other has heated up. our communication has just really improved. Like everything's gotten so much better because you've almost put yourself in a situation where it has to, and we've allowed like different parts of us to thrive. Yeah, like our communication in our sex life is already pretty spectacular, I would say. Thanks almost entirely to Alicia because she's done so much study and practice and she works with clients on this kind of stuff. So she has a massive wealth of knowledge that... partly I've got through osmosis and partly she's, you know, that taught me essentially. And so I think we've really, really built a good foundation, but I think when you're introducing someone else into that safe space, there's a lot of vulnerability. And I think us being entirely vulnerable and entirely like open and, you know, communicating about boundaries and, you know, we even said like, no matter how far it gets at any point, we can call this off. you know, there's no like shame or judge or anything like just all of that sort of process around it, I think was really quite empowering. Yeah, so what boundaries did you set before going into actually having sex together? I think, well there were a few things that came up. One, we had a pretty open conversation with her about likes and dislikes. What things do you not like in the bedroom? What do you not like during sex? That's also just one of the advantages of not just meeting someone randomly in a bar and going home. Like, we could talk about, well firstly, we could talk about sexual health practices. So that was really, really useful. We could just say, talking about sexual health as you're about to have sex is probably not the best time to do it. So we could just have that conversation like. you know, sober, essentially. And yeah, like, like Lisa was saying, we could talk about, talk about sex in the lead up to what we wanted to do. Yeah, and we can make it fun. Yeah, right. I think sexual health conversations can be had at any time. But if you can do it before, you know, before having a sexual experience, it's so much easier to have than when you're in the mood. and like things are happening and you might rush through it or you don't ask the questions you really wanna ask. And yeah, we made questions just part of the experience cause we were sending like videos back and forth and photos back and forth, like teasing each other. Like Ryan and I would send photos and videos to her, she'd send them back. So we were really like having this foreplay outside of the experience that for me definitely helped because when we got to having sex together. It just felt so natural. It was like the next step. It was a natural progression. Yeah. And we knew like exactly what toys people wanted to play around with. Um, like we knew she was into, uh, like impact play and, you know, so we had a really good, uh, we weren't like blindly stumbling through it, like I already know exactly the things that turn you on and the things you want to experiment with. Yeah. The things that you've had in the past and didn't enjoy. So we won't bother with that. And so like, it almost felt like having a cheat sheet. That's so cool. Um, backtrack a second. What's impact play? Yeah, I was going to ask the same thing. Yeah. I mean, and it's really basic form. It's, it's any type of like play that has impact. Um, so it's typically like a BDSM style play form. Um, so it's things like flogging or using paddles, spanking, um, yeah, anything that's just like impacting against the skin, typically it has like an element of that pain, which is why it's a BDSM. kind of model, but yeah, that's basically it. Cool. Amazing. Good to know. Yeah, yeah. And so the- You should listen to that and we've just like been exploring that part, like that's relatively new for us. So we were, yeah, we were all just getting excited about talking about these things. And so at that stage, it was pretty much like sexting. Mm-hmm. As three. Yeah, we were bits. It really was. It was, it's bizarre when I look back at it being like, how, how certain parts of it felt so easy. I'll be completely transparent and honest, cause I think it's important that everybody just didn't think this was smooth sailing because my friend was like, this sounds like the fucking most easy threesome either. And I was like, it's, we have nothing to compare it to. Yeah, we've got nothing to compare it to. But when I think of me and my personal journey through it, being like a sex and intimacy coach, I felt like a lot of pressure to be a certain way, being like, I have to be like fully on board with this and what if I turn up and I'm the awkward one and everybody else like knows what they're doing. And, you know, so there were a lot of fears and judgments happening internally as this was all progressing. And I... Yeah, I had to really work through that, get really honest with myself. And Ryan was really supportive through that whole process because I was a little bit hot and cold, like really excited at one moment. And then the next moment, like a little bit withdrawn and yeah, he was very supportive and the most important part of that was just remaining kind of open and communication. Like we had some heated words sometimes, or we were just like, we would need to take our time and our space, just like think through what had come up and then come back together. Yeah. I think part of it was difficult. Alicia touched on this earlier, but the timing was a bit funny because we were looking for a place to live at the same time. And so I think like, like I said, initially it was like, oh, we'll just jump on one of these apps and see what's out there. But it got to the point that we're like, oh, we're going out for drinks and we're meeting here and we're like sending these provocative messages and oh, now we have to look for a flat. And so it was just that it was just a weird sort of. mindset shift and I think that... And it was like where are we gonna have sex? Are we gonna have to... It could, yeah. And then we were on a sublet at one point and we're like, oh could we like invite her back to the sublet that we're staying at for two weeks? It was just, it was a bit of a, yeah just the timing was a little bit weird. The logistics can be really difficult I think. Like you can have this idea that... We definitely recommend having a house before you... Have a house. Hot tub. Yeah, yeah. Very important. Have a house, have a bed. Maybe don't just move in with your flatmates. Like we'd only been living in our place for like a week. We hadn't bought towels or anything. We hadn't just bought bedding. All we had was, what was it, like the bed frame with the mattress from the previous tenant and our suitcases. Oh my God. I love it. It was just a little bit, the timing was just really. Very romantic setup. And how was it anyway? And it's obviously a little sack of sex toys that she. It was really good, like we ended up going to her house, so that worked out well. So we eventually like, oh no, there's been a long road along here people, thanks for dealing with. But yeah, we went to her house. It was a few weeks after our first drinks together because yeah, we'd gotten sick, we'd had like cold sores, etc. So every time we'd sort out a date, shit would hit the fan. Yeah, we got COVID. But it eventually happened. And you know, that anticipation that built over that time. was healthy and because, because I said to Ryan like, trying to keep up that sexual tension with somebody over that long term when you're not actually in a relationship or you haven't even had sex yet. That was the challenging part. It was challenging and this is when we started to send messages more about like the actual details like what are your fantasies this is when we started to send like videos and pictures to each other which really ended up so by the time we got there on the, like we met up at a bar. It was all very tasteful. It was very tasteful. Obviously artsy, no it was, well. I think anything sexual is tasteful. Well, I don't know. You could just send like a close up of a butthole or something. Some people, that's nothing wrong with a close up. I didn't find nothing wrong with it. It's just not very tasteful. Not to you. Everybody has different interests though. Suppose it depends on your tastes. Everything is somebody's something. Exactly, exactly. Don't yuck, people's young. Um, but. This is just us. We've just taken over the show. Basically, it was like the Leash and Ryan show. And... Fuck, that was awesome. I want to know how the sex was. How was it? Would you do it again? It was fine. Oh, it was okay, you know, in and out, up and down. No, it was really great. It was really good. Really good. I think part of the... Again, one of the benefits of us talking and leading up to it and just knowing each other a little bit better is it was kind of, it was really fun and we could laugh and we could joke and it was like, um, there was no like, uh, tension. Yeah, yeah. Or like, there wasn't a lot of embarrassment when there was kind of a camaraderie to it. Yeah, it almost felt like a little celebration. Like we'd come together and was like, yes, we finally did it. We're finally doing this. It's happened after like six weeks of planning. Yeah. And we just, yeah, we just focused a lot on like, I don't know, easing into it and feeling things and we took our time. Yeah, I think we had a couple of drinks first, because obviously they were nerves. Like the day of felt really... She was much cooler than us, I think. Yeah. I think she was a lot cooler than us. Both of us were like, oh my god, this feels very odd. What did we call it again? It was surreal, right? And it's like, holy shit, is this actually happening? And so we obviously had some drinks all together Which yeah, which was really fun. We just all had like banter again and then we got to who house so we did end up going to who house like I said and We like I think the difficult part can be like that first step Again, and Ryan had been really awesome. How do you transition from like sitting on the couch? Yeah, I want to know who kissed who first. I kissed her first. Ryan was really, really good before we even got with her. One, and I really recommend this to anybody giving this a go, is like an hour before we were going to leave, like Ryan came in and he was like, can you put your stuff away? Would you like a drink? And I was like, yes, please. And he got me a drink and we were just in our bedroom, like just slow dancing with each other. Put some nice music on. Yeah, put some nice music on. We were having like a drink together. We were slow dancing. We were just like looking into each other's eyes. I know it sounds super sappy, but it was just so fucking lovely. It was so heartwarming being like, we're doing this kind of, and we're just like giggling with each other. We're like doing this like crazy fun thing that we've been talking about for years. And we're gonna fuck somebody today. Like, this is gonna be so much fun. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. Make you feel... So that was a really... Yeah, that was awesome to go into a situation having that connection with each other. Cause like you were talking about before, you can have this, Oh, am I going to be jealous? And I think some times people can go into threesomes worrying that their partner is, you know, going to pay more attention to the other person. And it's going to mean something about their relationship. And you can come from this really like significant place of insecurity. And that can definitely happen and that's important to be thinking about. And so it's really like, how can I create safety in my relationship before we do this? And so little moments like this where it's like, we've got each other, we're a partnership and both of us knew if anything goes wrong, we've got each other. Like it wasn't something that I worried about that if I got in there and I freaked out, mine would be disappointed, absolutely. but he would realize, okay, like we're just stopping here, everybody's okay and I'm not gonna make you feel bad about this. It didn't come to that though. No, it didn't. It turned out really good. But that safety aspect is really important. I think we can all think like about the act of threesome, but it's like, what can you do outside of a threesome to really support the experience to be awesome? You know, talking about what you want, talking about your boundaries, talking about your sexual health, getting connected with your partner. And then when we got to it, yeah, I kissed her first. Oh, when we turned on music and then there was that awkward part, like we were up in her bedroom so we knew something was going to happen, but it was like, who's going to take the, do the first move? And then she and I were talking, we looked around and we saw Ryan had taken his top off and we were like, oh, okay. We're like, we're there now and he's just standing there with his top. I didn't really know what to do. I was like, when in doubt, remove the shirt. He was like having a little dance. I don't remember. I think I remember. It was like a... I had a shirt on, so it was kind of like a sexy... I'm like... I'd try like every kind of Ryan Gosling... Like a Ryan Reynolds even, but it's like, it's just... I love it. All the Rhyans. I was like that, but you know, nowhere near as sexy or as chiseled. But that was the energy I was trying to bring to the table. And obviously it worked. And then Alicia just... just asked you said, Hey, can I kiss you? Yeah, it worked because we giggled together. We laughed together. Oh, you giggled. We did. It was so funny to the ground and seeing you just like brand new, taking your shirt off without a, we weren't laughing at you. We were laughing with you, babe. It was also like, I was like, we've got to. You're like, we've got time. Time is ticking. This house was like over an hour from our house. Let's get this threesome going. But yeah, so I just, I was like, okay, well, this is obviously starting. And I turned around to her and I said, Hey, do you mind if I kiss you now? And she was like, yeah, go for it. So we started kissing and it was- And the rest is history. The rest of it just really easy and simple. And I feel almost bad for saying that sometimes because other people can have such difficult experiences. And even I had expected it to be a lot more awkward than it was. Yeah, we were just really sexually compatible with it. Yes, and I think that was a lot because of how we'd set ourselves up, like we said, that made a huge difference. We already knew what everybody liked. And before we really got to like deep into the sexual experience, you know, I got up and I was touching her and I was like, do you like a soft or a firm touch? And she was like, oh, I'm actually not sure. And so I would like try a lot in here and be like, okay, well, what do you like in this? And, you know, how can I give you more pleasure in this moment? How can we give you more pleasure? And both Ryan and I just really focused on us pleasuring her together because we really wanted her to make like her to feel. that yeah, she wasn't just somebody being checked into somebody else's partnership. This was a really equal scenario and we just had fun. It was, and then there were times that it was just her and I. And Ryan was awesome. He didn't get make it all, but he was just like, yeah, having a good time. I love it. The distinct impression that... What were you doing, Ryan, when they were going at it? Like, what does the third person do? In that scenario? Yeah, so I went downstairs, made a sandwich. Ah, did you get champagne on it? Checked my Facebook messages. No, it was really cool, actually, because obviously I know that Alicia is bisexual, but she, not for a very long time, she hasn't had sex with a woman. And so seeing her in that moment was actually really... I don't know, it was really exciting for me to see the like, getting the opportunity to do that. So I didn't feel like I needed to jump in constantly. So it might've just been like, I don't know, a kiss or a touch or even just like whispering in your ear or something like that. But there were a lot of moments that I was really happy just like, I don't know, seeing Alicia explore that side of herself. Sorry, off you go. I was gonna say, you guys obviously, you had this great experience. It was like a fun time. Would you do it again? Yeah. Yeah, we'd absolutely do it again. And we're already organizing with her to do it again. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, it was such a great experience. It was super fun. Yeah, quite easy. And it was, there was a lot of laughter during it. Like, there were some things that just didn't kind of work out or we were all trialing and we just wouldn't make it. There'd be anything wrong with giving feedback. That's so good, yeah. During the experience, it was like, do you like this? Okay, you don't. No, that's cool. Like, what do you like? And that's what made it. so seamless, I think. Wasn't that everything went perfectly? It was more how we handled the things that didn't go perfectly. Do you think to keep those boundaries in place, you're gonna have to make a limit on how many times this happens with the one person? We have talked about that. That was one of the first things we talked about, that initially we'd limit it to just the one time. But then we, again, part of this whole sort of London mentality is we're trying not to. limit ourselves to anything and we're trying to just be open to new opportunities and take things as they come and so we yeah initially we're like oh maybe we'll just do it the once but it felt I don't know easy and natural enough and also the this woman is you know she's definitely got her own thing it's not like there's a risk of this becoming like a relationship messy kind of thing anyway. So we've been really, really clear around our expectations and her expectations going into it. So, obviously, there's, there's always a risk of complications and feelings developing in any kind of long term relationship, whether it's romantic or platonic. But I think our communication at this point has been solid enough that if anything like that comes up, we just say we just call it that. That was one of the things Ryan said to me, and we both were clear on straight up. beginning, if there becomes any sort of emotional, romantic attachment, like we cut it off, or we talk about it and we talk about the next steps, we're really clear that we don't want to plan for that scenario, because I think you can almost make it happen to some extent or, you know, sabotage the experience or, yeah, just get yourself set up for something that might not eventuate. And yes, you can absolutely be aware it could happen. but don't get attached to the fact that it will happen and really to stay open in communication. And I imagine there might be the distinct impression from this conversation that, you know, we're essentially dating, but I should really reiterate, like I think the reason that this has all been really good for us is because the sex itself was so incredible. And I think that's the thing we just want more of. Yeah, yeah, we love the sex. We have enough emotionally just in our relationship. Yeah. And she's obviously got everything that she's getting. And again, so many of our podcasts lead to this, but key communication, right? Like, yeah. And you know, like if you're just open and honest with that communication, there's just no expectations going to be. No, she even said that to us as well, though, like during it. She said, you guys, like I haven't seen this before. And she's, I'm going to like turn our own horn. She's like, you guys are quite inspiring. And I was like, yeah, it was, it was lovely. I felt like we were doing really well. It did. Cause it's been a journey. Yeah. It's been a journey. You know, we were communicating throughout the whole thing as well, which is obviously really important. The reason why it was so easy for us to communicate about this is because we're constantly communicating about our, our like. sex life with each other. When we're having sex. And just in general in our relationship. So, yeah. And she was awesome. Like we lucked out. This woman wasn't somebody who was like, although she hadn't done this before, she was very mature sexually in terms of that. She knew herself, she knew her own boundaries. So we didn't have to handhold anybody through this experience, which I think would have made it really different. It was like, we have this person who knows herself. and she's coming in here and she wants a good time and so do we. Nice. Final question, did you take the bag of sex toys? Yes. Yeah, we did. And she also had her own. So we had a fucking party. We were even double ups. We had the exact same brand of paddles. Oh, that's why we did. We had paddles on the bed at the same time. Ryan got to use both paddles together. And in the end it was like, oh, whose was whose? Yeah, trying to fill out the sex toys at the end was fun. Yeah, it was like, at one point I think we had to like scoop handfuls of handfuls of handfuls of them off the bed. Of sex toys off the bed. Because they were getting in the way. Oh my gosh. And Alicia, you have a public sex and intimacy dating coach profile. So if people do have questions about this threesome, setting one up, maybe they have further questions. Where can people find you? Yeah, Instagram's the easiest. So aliciafa.sex.coach. Amazing. And if you have any questions, Ryan, you just put them through there and I go, babe, you got a question. I love it. Yeah, maybe to field all questions, just letting you know. My handle is Ryan. You guys are so great. It's been so good chatting and I agree with this girl. You're inspiring. Your relationship is just cute. My hand's getting big. We're pretty great. Thank you so much. We've really enjoyed being able to chat about this and love what you're doing on this podcast and all that you're doing with Girls Get Off. It's fucking phenomenal. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much for everything else. And thank you, Mo. Nice chatting, guys. Thank you, no, it's been great. Enjoy your day. Thanks so much for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. You can find us on Instagram at girlsgetoff. You can join our Facebook group, Girls Get Off Uncensored. I think we've got more than 20,000 members in there at the moment. And if you'd like to leave us a rating or review, that always helps us get higher in the charts and every week we'll pick the most creative review to win a Missy Mini. Thanks for listening.