Podcast Transcript
You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast in all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. Today we have a matchmaker, who knew these existed in real life honestly? I know, I don't think I've seen this happen in New Zealand, Australia but I've heard matchmaker Maria on a Girls Gotta Eat podcast episode before and I just find this whole topic fascinating because we, I haven't heard of someone using it before. insights around dating and I do ask a personal question for all the single mums out there wanting to date. But like good to know I was on the right track anyway, because I think yeah, it's important to find what you're looking for, you know. And with regard to your question, it was then more about like the actual person rather than like the age. the age restrictions which you've previously put on it. Yeah, no, but she said that. That's what she wrapped up with there. 37 to 47 is my ideal dating because then you're avoiding that situation of them maybe wanting kids and stuff because I'm in a position anyway, not all single moms will be in this position, but I'm in a position where I don't want any more kids. So that's what's best for me. Yeah, I love it. And she also talks a little bit about like the course that they have or the intensive and the different parts that make up that framework, which I thought was super interesting as well. And being proactive about getting yourself into the right group of the person, you know, of where the person's going to be that ticks your boxes. Literally just like marketing. Don't know how I didn't think of that one, Sena. Um. Anyway, I'll get into a bit of a bio for Maria and we'll get into it. So Maria's expertise in matchmaking is in a class of its own for over a decade. She has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship techniques. She did go on to say also that she's matched over 5,000 couples, how cool. So welcome to the podcast, Maria. Thank you for having me. So cool to have you on. We've been excited about this one. To start us off though, for everybody that doesn't know, what got you into matchmaking in the first place? I can't believe it's like a family, family thing. That's the short story. I'm a fourth generation matchmaker. So my grandmother, her mom, I guess her grandmother, we're all matchmakers. Skip my mom's generation, but she has worked for me in the past. So it's, yeah. And, but yeah, both me and my sister, because my sister works for me. We are both fourth generation matchmakers. And that's a short story. The long story is that I thought I was going to go into the foreign service and I have a, I don't know what schooling is like on your side of the planet, but we're. I live in the United States, it is very expensive to get an education and I'll be paying those student loans for the rest of my life. But I thought I was going to go into the Foreign Service and I have a fancy degree to prove that. But no, instead, I guess the genetic code took over. I've always been a pretty good connector, you know, the one that would host the wine parties in college, the wine and cheese and like, you know, just host networking events for fun. And I also have a face where people just immediately trust. I've come to find, I mean, I've known this for a long time. Like I'll meet someone. In fact, my husband, sorry, I'm monologuing here. I go for it. But you guys are both letting me, so I'm just gonna keep going. It's funny because my husband makes fun of me because he was working for this professor at some university in Boston. And he never spoke to his boss in like, in personal ways, right? And he'd been working at that time for like four or five years. And he wanted to take us out for our engagement as like a congratulations, right? And in that, in the first three minutes, his boss is telling him about his divorce, what it's like dating, why he divorced, how his kids took it. And my husband's like, I have been working for this man for five years. no idea about any of this. And I was like, I told you, I have this face where people just like, tell me everything. And I know maybe some of your listeners are like, I need to see her face. And it's very simple. Go to Instagram matchmaker Maria, get me that follow too. But yeah, I have a face that people trust. And I think that helps. I think that helps when you're a matchmaker, like when people can just be vulnerable very quickly. And you know, you being, you know, I believe I'm a good listener. So I think that formula helps in what is modern date matchmaking. Of course, when my grandmother matched, she was the best at making coffee and people would tell her their secrets. And I guess I kind of look like my, I don't know if I look like her, but she also kind of has a face where you tell secrets. So I get it. I get it. And so what does modern day matchmaking look like then? You know, we're spoiled for choice with all these different dating apps, but clearly some people want something different from you. It's actually what you just said, you're spoiled for choice, so I feel like I think... I think what modern day matchmaking is, is helping people not swipe away their soulmate. So there's different ways that people work with us, but I didn't realize, wow, that lands on that side of the planet in America. That's not even a joke. That's like, yes, like if I said this to an American person, they nod along. Like, yes, I completely understand. But that was a joke to you. I love it. It was great. I'm just thinking. But that's what it is, right? Like the people that come to us, they're experiencing online dating fatigue, right? And not just like our matchmaking clients, but even our coaching clients. And we have different ways that people can work with us as a matchmaking service, right? So we have like a service that is obviously traditional matchmaking and the people that tend to hire us in that part it's usually people who Because of maybe their public lives they cannot participate in modern dating trends like online dating So maybe they're a celebrity or maybe they're a CEO And they have like 4,000 employees or 40,000 employees or maybe they're a very popular professor or they're a doctor and they don't want to swipe on their patients like There's a lot of things that can make people feel like, I don't know if I want to do online dating. And then, and this is I guess my core audience, is I tend to attract a lot of men who work, let's say in private equity or hedge funds or at the markets where they have to be up at 5 a.m., they go to their home by 10 p.m. Who has time to swipe? And if you're going to have finally free time, are you really going to spend it with a person you don't know is going to like be something if you're actually in a relationship or are you... going to want to spend it with your friends or watching like another episode of, I don't know, Gilmore Girls. So it's, you know, you kind of, you're trying to find the balance. And I think the people that come to us are like, okay, you do it. So there is this sort of, you know, what's, what's that word, outsourcing that people do that when they hire a matchmaker, right? And then there's the other portion of, you know, as a modern matchmaking service, you know, seeing that people are experiencing online dating fatigue, we also provide that as well. You know, sometimes people come to say like I don't mind using online dating as a tool, which is what it is It's a tool to meet people. That's all it is But I'd rather you do it because every time I do it I experience extreme online dating fatigue, right? I feel overwhelmed. I have too many people in my queue I don't know who to respond to first and when you do that We know when you hire us to do that then we have a person on our staff whose full-time job is Taking over people's profiles and experiencing all of that the negative parts of online dating and you just going on the date. Now I can't vouch for the people or she can't vouch for the people that you go out with because they're still internet strangers, but at least you're not experiencing the back and forth, you know, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you're single, but that, that is like anyone who's listening who is single knows exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah. That is painful that same boring conversation. And how was What's the next trip you want to go on? Oh, you know, what's your favorite brunch place? What's, you know, fuck, marry, kill, Indian food, Mexican food, Ethiopian food. Like it's like how many times. Because you can't. Yeah, and then it's like, oh yeah, let's meet. That would be great. Done. Like what? No, there's ways to hack it. And you know, that's what we do. We know how to speak to men, if they're women, we know how to speak to men. And if it's a male client, we know how to speak to women. But. Also, if it's a male client, we prefer they just hire us because we have like, you know, we know, I mean, we're talking now, I know, and I apologize, I'm speaking in a very heterosexual normative way, I get it, that's not my intention. But if someone were to be, you know, part of the LGBTQ community, we actually have colleagues who work specifically in the specific letters of those communities. Amazing. And yeah, so there's definitely. there's definitely camaraderie between us and our colleagues of helping people get into relationships. And so what are you looking for then when you're trying to match two people together? Is it just the same values? Is it like looks? Like I've been watching Indian Matchmaking on TV. I don't know if you've got that over there. And it's been really fascinating, but what are some of the things that you're, yeah, you're interviewing people on? So I don't watch dating shows. So Indian Matchmaking is very popular here. I... I, one third of our clients are South Asian. So I definitely know the nuances of that community. And, and I love that how much of our business from that comes from word of mouth, because that means that we're doing a great job in that community. Um, but, you know, overall, we tend to look at a few different things, but I think the heavy focus is on shared values, shared lifestyle and complimentary communication style. Now, there's also life circumstance, right? Obviously for, it doesn't really matter if this person's perfect on paper, are they available? And do they even wanna meet you? And so you have to do a lot of cross matching. At least that's what we do in my office. I cannot speak for other matchmaking services, but in RN, like we do, we wanna make sure that anyone that we set up, they're enthusiastic about meeting that other person too. We don't wanna just say like, oh, that's the match without considering the person. And you did mention looks and yes, looks is an important factor of matchmaking, but it's very lopsided of how people judge looks. So like for women, I'm now I'm speaking to you from like a professional perspective of you know, 14 years as a matchmaker. I think for women looks like broad brushstrokes, women are way more open just in general. straight women, gay women, it's pretty broad brushstrokes of a type. Very not obviously very rare, but like it's a minority of women who start honing in on very specific physical traits and if they do, it's usually orbiting around height. Which as a person who is very tall, I'm, do you do centimeters? Yeah, right. Yeah. I'm 183 on a good day, right? So So, so I do not, I am not a heightess. Even when I was single, I would date men that were 177 and above, because that just didn't really matter to me. And I'm not saying that my members have to subscribe to that philosophy, but I have to constantly remind, especially shorter women who tend to have these height restrictions compared to taller women, that like, height's not, it's not a char, it's not a characteristic to someone's. It doesn't tell you anything. It doesn't tell if they're gonna be a good boyfriend or a good husband. But anyway, to go back to like women and looks, like I think women tend to have broad brush strokes. They tend to be a lot more open on looks. And you know, to be honest, and I'll even say this from like a personal perspective, you know, if a guy is let's say a five out of 10, but he makes you laugh. and you feel safe around him when you first meet them, because women do judge the creep factor. And he asks you questions, like he seems interested in what you have to say. These three things on a date, on not even a date, on a first meet, right? That five out of 10 quickly becomes a 10 out of 10. Whereas with men, it's shockingly different. So, and it's the same with straight men and gay men, right? If a man is not attracted to you within the first 40 seconds of meeting you, it does not matter how great the date is. It does not matter how perfect you are on paper. There will never be a second date. Trust me. I have set up more than 5,000 first dates. Oh my gosh. And I'm being all serious. I'm being really serious. And this is not like a comedic bit. Like it's true. And it's not, I don't want women who are listening to this to misunderstand what I'm saying. That doesn't mean that. Oh, she's not a model. He doesn't want to meet her. No, every man has a very different range, a barometer of attraction. That's actually what we call it in our office. BOA, barometer of attraction report. So we always ask men to show us like photos of like, who are you attracted to? Like we want to see your ex-girlfriends. We want to show you women and who we think we would want to match with based on what we talked about. And then we try to create a report of like, wow, I don't know if he has a type, but this is the range of looks that we can look at. And you'll see that all of our clients are very different. Some men like voluptuous women, some men like really skinny women, which is really hard to find. Not, and because when I say skinny, I'm not speaking about like thin. Sometimes there are men who are like, I just really want someone who's a size zero. And it's funny, I get at least one client like that every two years. And it's shockingly hard because it's not like, there aren't a lot of women in their 30s. that are that size, right? Because even like a gymnast or a ballerina is, you know, you become a woman. Yeah. So it's always interesting to meet those guys. But yeah, so it's, you know, you see what the men want and then it's like, they could say that you're beautiful in a photo, but if they don't meet you, I'm telling you those 40 seconds are when they meet you in person. And if in those 40 seconds, they don't think, and I'll be, is it okay if I'm a little crass? But I've come to find out that if, and I'm not saying he could, and I'm not saying you would let him, but if he doesn't feel like, yeah, I could fuck her. And I don't mean like you would let him. Yeah. But that thought like she's hot, like hot. I think she's cute. I would not say fuckable because everyone is fuckable. Right. Okay. Everyone's fuckable. Okay. I want to be a man. I don't want this to become like a really awful meme. This is great. I know this is great. This is so, but like you'll see that like everyone has different types and it's like just so interesting how, you know, men put this crazy emphasis on looks and it's like the first minute. But then they have to snap out of it very quickly because let's say he is attracted and to be honest most men are attracted to most women, okay? But let's say after that he has to like literally snap out and then focus on what's actually important. Do I share lifestyle with him? With this person? Do I have the same values as this person? Are they at my... Let's say you know it's funny today I was speaking to someone about someone that we know and... you know, she was telling us how the reason why her and her boyfriend broke up was because she did not feel intellectually stimulated by him. And it was very frustrating for her. And he thought of it as like, Oh, she just constantly wants to hang around my friends. Um, like they did it for a few years too. And it was just very, I was just like, so you kind of focused on the looks, but you didn't, you didn't make the shift on learning about everything else. And you know, when I look at compatibility, to go back to your original question, what we look for, there are five factors, right? And physical compatibility is the easiest one, right? It's the first thing you notice, you know, are you attracted to them or not? Done. But the rest that are, you know, really important, intellectual, spiritual, what's it called, financial, emotional compatibility, these things come into play when it comes to long-term relationships. And so, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna have to stop walking to the shops with my hoodie and track pants with the makeup on. You know, have you noticed like it's crazy how many men are like... I've heard from so many women, I even noticed this when I was single, like the days where I look the shittiest, that's when you get the most compliments. The shittiest. I don't know if you can look shit, but like the days you're wearing your like lululemon, I don't know how you say it, lululemon pants, sorry, I've never owned a pair. And like your hoodie is the day that like the guy's like, oh, can I get you a Starbucks? That was a Scottish accent. Yeah. I've never, never had that happen even when I'm in a relationship. in my active wear. Who matched, did somebody, was you and your husband a matchmaking situation by your grandma? Kind of, kind of. No, not my grandma. Please, my grandma's dead. Sorry. It's okay, she's old. I mean, she died when my mom was young, so I didn't get to meet her. I got to hang out with her sister who told me a lot of stories about her. That's so cool that you still know so much about her. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. I was very close with my great aunt. That's why. Anyway, yeah, my husband and I, we met through one of my employees. She wanted she wanted me to meet him, to take pity on him, because he was a poor academic, so that I could take him on for free matchmaking. But at the same time, while this is happening, I had made a list of like, the things, I have this program called the Agape Intensive, right? And we've actually had a few people from Australia do it, but it's a three day, nine hour boot camp for women where we just kind of fix the picker. I think sometimes we can get really lost in really bad dating experiences and we're like, I don't know what I'm looking for. And it's like, well, let me fix the picker and then I'll help you find that person. And so I did the exercise that I do on women. Now this was like 10 years ago and I did the exercise and I said, okay, you know, this is the kind of person I am meant to be with. And then I thought to myself, okay, who is this person friends with? And I thought of two men that were dating. One was dating. my employee and one was my lawyer actually. And I went to both men and I said, next time you hang out with your friends, I need you to invite me. I did not ask them to set me up. I did not say, do you know anyone? I just said, next time you're out with your friends, I need you to invite me. And they said, okay. And then eight days later, my employee's boyfriend at the time, they're married now, he called me and he's like, I'm hanging out with my friends in Boston. in two days and I was like, great, I will be there. And I got myself on a train. It's a four and a half hour train ride away from New York. Do you wanna live? I love this. Do you wanna live? I love this. What is it? To go import a man into New York. What is it? So I showed up at the bar and sure enough, nine of his friends were there and some of them were in relationships, but that's not the point, right? The point was like every person's an opportunity, right? So to me, like this particular person, I got to meet nine of his friends. I think maybe three or four were in relationships. And so with the rest of the men, it's not like I was there like, who am I going to date here? It was just like, I'm just meeting new people. And one of those men who I not initially attracted to, but the more we spoke, you know, and the more he made me laugh and all that stuff. like, oh, he's like the cutest. And I remember he went to the bathroom and I talked to my, she's now my friend, of course, but. I said to her, you know, I really like George and she's like, oh, that's great because I want him to become like a pro bono client. And I go, no, I don't mean like that. Like, like I want him to ask me out. Oh, so, so yeah. So the rest is history, I suppose. Oh my gosh. I love that. You didn't tell him that, but we figured out ways to communicate that rest of the night. And then we went on. We went on a date. That is so fair. Now we have two kids. Oh my goodness. And tell us more about that intensive because I saw that on your website and a couple of things that it touches on I found really interesting in terms of that, like attachment styles, but then also the chemistry and compatibility. Could you touch on those three things? Cause I don't even know what attachment styles is. Oh my gosh. You need to immediately go by Dr. Amir Levine's book, Attached. It's an incredible book and it teaches you about... adult attachment and basically how your primary relationships as a child, your primary caregiving relationships and how that impacts what you will be like as an adult in your relationships. Right. It's crazy how the fact that our parents and primary caregivers in general just have on our ways of managing emotional. bandwidth when we're adults because some parents might need a little bit, you know, some, you know, not everyone has secure parents or a good prototype at home. Some parents might suck more emotional bandwidth or a parent might decide, I don't want to participate in this anymore. And then they pass on their duty as a, as another spouse to the child. And then the child now is participating in this. So this like ends up. you know, developing you into the adult that you are and the kind of relationships you're going to attract. So if you're someone that's very anxious in relationships, you might also date people who keep you in a state of anxiety, right? And what we would call those people is avoidant. And avoidant people are really attracted to anxious people because anxious people who are constantly seeking validation, that acknowledgement in their relationship will give you ego boosts. They'll constantly pay you a compliment to an avoidant person. The avoidant person loves the ego boost. but they'll never give the acknowledgement back to the other person, just creating constant that stream of anxiety and excitement for that person. So it's a vicious cycle. And then the third attachment is secure, which usually means like consistent behavior, creating boundaries. So we cover that a lot. And you know, a lot, your attachment is not just with, you're not, you don't, you do have a universal attachment, but. You have different attachment styles with different people too. So you're going to have a different attachment style with your mother, with your father, um, with your best friend, your best friend. One is that tends to be the most secure relationship that you might have. Um, and then of course your partner. And of course you could still have a very secure ship with your partner. If you are in a secure relationship. So that's attachment. But then we also cover in agape intensive, um, compatibility, which I spoke about before and chemistry and chemistry has to do more with like. temperament and personality typing. So like understanding who you are from a genetic level, like what drives you, what moves you, how do you organize solutions when a problem arises, how risky you are, like all of these things are part of your genetic code. And there is a person or persons who are really good matches for you based on that. level of temperament that you exhibit. And these are the things that we uncover during intensive. Cool. And I say we do this. Viv and I are both single. We'll be there. I love it. And so, and then the compatibility piece, is that just as a, as a result of all of the above or is, is that like where you talk about the values and so on? I think that's usually with. more values in lifestyle. So we try to hone in on compatibility pillars with more values and lifestyle driven stuff. Like sometimes I'll say this, you know, spiritual, you know, not, you don't have enough trait. You might not have the equal amount of values and lifestyle in each pillar, you know. And I'll even give you an example, like I think spiritual, right? Someone might be, let's say Jewish, and they'll say, well, I want them to be Jewish. Great, anything else? And they'll say, well, no, that's it. I don't have any other spiritual requirements. And another person, maybe they're atheist, but they're also vegan. And I think being vegan is a spiritual connection to the animal world. Anyone who chooses to not have butter and eggs, I mean, wow. That's crazy. Cheese. That's crazy. That's awesome for you. That's not something that's a, I would really struggle personally. But I think you have to have a very divine relationship with the animal world to participate in that kind of lifestyle. And I would put that under spiritual compatibility as well. And there's other people, like, I mean, I guess like they think of myself, like I'm Greek Orthodox Christian. And I remember when I was single, it didn't matter to me for him to share the same religion as me, although my husband does share the same faith as me. But we have, we are not, even though we go to church, we are not religious in any way. but we do believe in God. And I think it's nice to share that with them, but it's not for that. For me, that would not have been a deal breaker. But everyone's so, this is so personal to you, right? So that's what we try to see is like, what is actually important to you? And you'll come to find out when you, when we do compatible pillars, cause we make you do certain exercises after completing the matrix. It's like, okay, what's really important to you? Or what have you been expected to be important to you? Interesting and you never really sit down and figure that out. So I think that's awesome. Yeah. It's funny when I wrote my own manifest, um, nine days before I met my husband, who's exactly my manifest. It's like funny. It said, I hope he speaks Greek at no point did I write. He should be Greek. I just said, I hope he speaks Greek so you can communicate with my father. Um, at no point did I expect him to be Greek. I just figured, Oh, maybe he'll be like, I don't know, German American. And he just happened to learn Greek. through his neighbor. I don't know what I was envisioning, but I remember saying, like, I hope he speaks Greek. That's it. Like, I never at no point was like, oh, he's got to be, you know, this, like that. In fact, sometimes I like to tell people, especially when I visit Greece, I go there every summer to visit my family and my husband's family. And it's so interesting when Greek people are like, you know, you're, you know, we're, we're very few of our friends actually married Greek. A lot of our friends who were Greek, who were raised in Greece and moved to America for university, like all of my husband's friends, none of them married a Greek woman or a Greek American woman. They all married, you know, Xenis, which means non-Greek women, like foreigners. So American women. And so they're like, oh, did you, were you excited when you, you know, when you know, George was Greek? And I was like, I dated him in spite of him being Greek because I constantly felt like, Anytime one of my friends dated a Greek guy who that where that was really important to them, they would and this happens to my friends who are Indian, like South Asian or Jewish. Like I constantly see this where you date someone who shares your faith or your ethnicity or whatever. And then you just ignore all of the red flags in the relationship. You're like, tick, don't worry about the race. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Like, you know, he's Greek or he's Lebanese. So like, it doesn't matter that he is possessive or he's toxic. Like, at least I'll have Lebanese children or I'll have Greek children. I'll have Indian children or Pakistani children. Like it's like. It's like so much pressure and I see it constantly with my, you know, in the past with my friends or past clients where it's like, you shouldn't be with this person. Why were you with this person for so long? And it's like, well, they were Greek. And I'm like, and? And so him being Greek, I was like, I was really nervous. I remember the first six months, like I was like, okay, I love you. And I like, I think this is something I knew. I knew very quickly, like, okay, this is this is different. Um, but then, you know, when his mother, with my, when my mother-in-law, or rather when his mother at the time learned that he was dating someone, she had never met me. And, you know, I don't know what she heard about me. Like people were talking shit apparently on her side of the family. It's like this whole drama thing. Um, but she, she learned to like hate me for like eight years. She did not like me at all. Now she's like loves me. In fact, I left Greece like a week ago. And as I was leaving her house, she gave me a hug and she whispered in my ear, I really love you. I want you to know that. And I was like, I know you love me because this year when you enter her house, there was just a photo of me framed, like the moment you enter the door. I gotta make a TikTok about this. But like you enter the door and like there was my photo in a frame. Like this woman barely spoke to me for like eight years. Oh my goodness. And anyway, so to go back to like, yeah, them being Greek, I'm like, yeah, but it comes with other things. So it's like, it all balances out. Totally. Yeah. Okay, talk to me about matchmaking with kids. Should somebody that has kids be looking for somebody that also has kids? Like, okay, I'm talking about talking about myself. I was like, this must be a very personal question because I've never had anyone ask me this question. Yeah, I went to just kind of swing this on the audience, but no. So I've got two kids. I'm 38, 14 year old and a five year old. And I feel like I should only look to date people that have kids themselves because I'm done with kids. I mean, I'm done with having my own kids. I think that's a great idea. I think, why do you think, first of all, you are very lucky to be in an age, where your kids are in an age, first of all, you're very lucky in a lot of factors, right? You're at a good age. Yeah. I mean, all ages are good, but yours tends to be a sweet spot. A, B, your 14 year old can babysit your five year old. Like, holy shit. Like, this is a big deal. Yeah. There are single moms out there who are not experiencing this luxury and privilege that you're experiencing. So well done on this. So what I would say to you is like, you know, you could date people that have kids. You could also not, I don't understand like, I guess it depends on the guy, right? Like, Do you have opportunities to meet men who don't have kids? Because I feel like single parents meet a lot of single parents in their day to day. Oh, I think I'm the opposite because my day to day, I don't know. Yeah, no, probably the opposite. But I, I've just kind of made this rule to myself that stay away from younger guys that don't have kids yet because I don't want that to be. What's the oldest you would date? Well, that kind of to me depends on their look because you can have like a really old looking 45 year old or like a young looking, you know, 48 year old. What's the oldest you would date? Give me an absolute. Maybe 47 ish. Okay, that's not bad. That's, that's good. 47. All right. A useful 47. There's plenty of that. Yeah. And you would only want to date another kid. You know what the Brady Bunch is? Yeah. I grew up watching the Brady Bunch, love the Brady Bunch, love kids. So I don't mind if they've got kids themselves. Yeah. So what's your question? So what is my advice? I think my advice is your lifestyle, right? It sounds like you don't want to have any more kids. You should only date people who don't want to have kids, period. Or already have had kids and don't want more kids. I wouldn't even entertain dating someone who's like, oh, I think I'd like to have kids one day. Yeah. Right, like that wouldn't even, but you know, I, but like right now I have two male clients who have young children and they only want to date women who don't have kids, but who want more kids. Yeah, so it really comes down. But you're not in that demo, so it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, no, I love this. So it just comes down to the person. Can't miss you. It really does, it really does. Okay. And I would only look for people who don't want to have more kids. It doesn't matter. I mean, I don't know if it matters how much it matters if they have kids or don't, especially where you live. But, yeah. I just feel like if somebody's like, say early thirties, which is what I tend to attract, to be honest, but say early thirties that hasn't had kids, I feel like even if they were like, oh no, I don't really want kids, you know, it doesn't matter. They might get to say 35 and then decide. that, oh no, I do want kids. So I feel like just cutting that whole bullshit scenario out. I would date like 37 and up, 37 to 47. I'm doing this right. Maybe a single dad. Not that I'm dating anybody in that age group. But it's funny that you said like I attract because like I would try to be more proactive about who I want to be with, not who's coming to me. I loved how proactive you were in your story, like on how you met your husband. Like that's incredible. And I'm not really controlling, but it's not, I just, why leave, not leave, I mean, it's still chance, but it's like, I know who's attracted to me. Like I'm a very tall, voluptuous woman. You know, I tend to attract a lot of men who are married to really, really thin women. Right. Which is- What a niche. Which is- which is a different podcast for a different day. But it's true, man. Like, you know what? Talk to other voluptuous women. How many men? It's like they masturbate to us. But society has told them, you know, only date thin women. And suddenly it's like, OK, this is who I married, but this is so very complicating. Wow. Yeah, I don't. It's a I'm like, I feel like the newer generation is way cooler. because, and by New Jersey I mean like people under 32, and that's because, think about when we were like 23. I don't know how old you are, but like, I'm this, I turned 38 this year, okay? And when I was in my early 20s and mid 20s, the only thing on the media was how you could see Paris Hilton's bones, her like hip bones. or like you can envision it, right? The Britney Spears covers and the Christina Aguilera. And I remember people calling, who was Paris Hilton paired up with? Nicole. Nicole Richie. Calling Nicole fat. Nicole Richie, yeah. But Nicole's thin. Like when you look at photos of her, it's like, this is a thin woman. She's not fat, but you kind of fed in. And in fact, I'll give you like the peak, peak calling regular women, regular looking women. Healthy looking women, fat. The peak of this, and I do feel like this is a cultural reset. I feel like the next generation of women are like, fuck this shit. Yeah. I'm gonna be me. Was in the movie. What the fuck is that movie? It's a Christmas movie with Hugh Grant. What is it? The holiday one? No, well, no, not the holiday, but it's a holiday one with the airplane. God damn it. Guys, come on, he's the prime minister. Oh no, I'm the wrong person for this. I'm blanking. I'm your, I'm the same as you though. This is awful. Oh my God. Hold on. There's someone right now screaming. Hold on, Hugh Green Christmas? Love action? Love action! Yes, yes, yes. Huge movie. Holy shit. Oh my God. Oh, that was awful. I feel like 70 brain cells were just expelled out of my own body. Anyway, so in the movie Love Actually, we are introduced to the prime minister's assistant Natalie, but you might as well call her fatally because that is all that's literally part of the plot line. Like her, you know, it's like they had watched Arrested Development before and they picked up, you know, her like you like her. She's a little chubby and I'm I want you right now, like open up Google and look up Natalie from Love Actually. I think all my issues are making sense to Viv right now. Like, holy crap, I have opened it up right now. Can I share my screen on this? No, right? Yes? Oh, I can see it. Oh, I can't. Wow. Oh, are you ready? Are you ready? Okay. Okay, wait, wait. Where's my, oh my gosh, where's my squad cut? Yeah. Wow. Really? Look. This. The size. Viv is all this making sense. Size six women. Wild. Look, look at this. You can see her collarbone. Oh my god. I am like legitimate confused and I feel like this was a cultural reset moment where it's like, you know, yeah, um, she's not, she's not fat and yet that's, that's what we were fed and that's what men were fed. Men were fed this diet too, okay? So of course men over 35 are definitely masturbating to something totally different than what they could be married to, especially men who got married like before the age of 28. Wow. Oh my gosh. Um, yeah, so a bit of a little bit of backstory. I was like, um, when did I discover? that I grew up thinking I was the fat kid, right? Like, but until like 28 or 30 or something, I told everybody I was the fat kid at school. I was like, oh no, I didn't date, you know, much at school or anything, because I was the fat kid. And then somebody like from my school, because I live in a different country now, I'm from Australia, and somebody from my school posted a picture of us, you know, at graduation or something like that. And I was like, Holy fuck, I wasn't fat. Like, absolute like brain moment. I love it when I look at photos of myself. Like I don't have that many photos from high school because you and I are the same age. So at that, and when we were in high school, it was disposable film, which God knows where that shit is. And then in college, it's the digital camera. And again, you uploaded that to some website and then you forgot about it. That was it. Like there was never. You know, Facebook is so much later than the first two, three years of your college experience. So, what a time to be alive. I don't have any, that many photos of me between the ages of, literally digital cameras, between the ages of 18 and 23, I do not, 24, I do not have a lot of photos of myself that I have access to anymore. Anyway, but I do have a few photos. And every time I look at those photos, like, look, I'm very tall and I'm very curvy. And like curving the sense of like, I have like, I have a hip waist ratio thing going on, right? I remember being 20 years old and on a holiday with my boyfriend at the time and he called me, he said I had gained weight and I looked like a fat cow. And if I showed you the photo of me from that holiday, you would get on a plane, because he lives in Athens, get yourself to Athens, buy a fish from the market and slap him across the face. Oh my, how dare you, sir. Wow. How dare you, sir. Wow. That was the crazy thing is, is that was not uncommon. No, it wasn't like the fact that men could talk to you like that. Like, I know. I remember well us and yeah, lots, lots of, lots of terms. I'm walking in Athens. I must've been like 19 years old and a guy shouted from his truck, go on a diet. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And I'm just like, how do you, how do you compete with like, how do you, what am I supposed to do with that? You know, like, yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. Just very, you know, I don't know. Go the Gen Zs and the millennials then, you know, bringing through the good body positivity. I know. Oh, wait, wait. I found the photo of the day he called me fat. Now you can add this into the show. Okay, I'm gonna show you the photo where he called me a fat cow. This was the day. Are you ready? Yeah. All right. Oh, I can't see it. Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. That is the most normal looking person I've ever seen. Oh my gosh. I know, like look how beautiful my boobs look. I wish my boobs were like that up right now. Like now they like touch my stomach when I take off my bra. The nipples point down from two children. So dating men that were from this era then, do you think it's getting better? Like do you think their perception is changing as well? I think. I think if they had daughters, the perception is, I hope has shifted. I feel like anyone who called me a cow would totally try to hit it now if they wanted, like if I wanted them to. Like it's not, I think those men, and this is where I kind of feel bad for them, they were fed the same diet that we were fed. That you have to look like this to be attractive. And now they're being for the same diet that we are being fed now. And it's hard for them. Like you'll see sometimes like the computer will glitch on like comments. Like there are some people that are plus size online and they'll post a really beautiful photo of themselves and some will say, this is disgusting. That's a glitch. That's they've been wired to write this. Yeah. But if they, you know, I think one of the healthiest things that someone could do, man or woman is to follow diverse bodies, not only follow diverse bodies. Um, like in size, but also, you know, add some diversity into your feed. I always find it highly suspicious when I see someone that doesn't follow like a single person of color. Like how, how does that happen? That's a choice. Right? So, um, so, and also following diverse body types, right? Follow celebrities or friends, like people who actually post, they're not people who post like their lunch once a year. You know, somehow my best friends, they all post once a year. But like follow diverse influencers where your media diet, it gets used to seeing different sizes. I love that. Thin, medium, large, whatever. It doesn't matter. You have to have a variety because otherwise you get stuck in the, you know, magazines between the years of 2000 and 2004 where we were only fed Paris Hilton, is the epitome of beauty, of American beauty, right? And look, she is an attractive woman. I'm not trying to take away from her attractiveness and there's nothing wrong with her being thin. But to use her as the only example of beauty when there's people like, I think one of the most beautiful Americans is Serena Williams. I think she's... beautiful. Like I look at her body and I'm like, wow, this is a beautiful body. And I think if I were fed more of that diet and being told that this was beautiful when I was 18, it would have had a massive impact on the boundaries I would have set for myself in those ages. Because, you know, it's funny, I mentioned that one ex boyfriend, but all of my boyfriend experiences in college, all of the men had comments about my weight, every single one. And in fact, my husband is the first person to never speak to me about my weight. And he's Gen X. He's born in 77, right? But I don't know, you know, what the difference is with him. Maybe, you know, he's also a feminist who thinks that, I don't know if you know who Stacey Abrams is, but that's like his ultimate crush. I have no idea who Stacey Abrams is. She's running for governor of Georgia. Oh, and that's why he's your husband. That's what a great pairing. What a great score. Yeah. That's so cool. Do I have time for one more quick question? You know like the movie Hitch? Has there ever been anyone you've declined working with because they are- Oh, every day. Every single day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not the right- As a matchmaking service, we can only people work with people that we can actually help and we're not the right fit, but if we can refer them to a different matchmaker, we will. And you know, we have many colleagues around the world. I don't know if I have anyone in New Zealand, but if a New Zealand matchmaker here happens to hear this episode, please reach out. I love extending my network, but yeah, we. Please reach out to us too. Yeah. But, you know, yeah, we decline people all the time. And also, I think you're asking more like about how, I guess, since you mentioned the movie Hitch, like in that particular movie that he talks about how he declined working with a man because he was a creep. And I think nine out of 10 times, it's just, we just don't have the person they're looking for and that's okay. There's another matchmaking service that has the person they're looking for. That's just not us. But you do meet sometimes people that are just like, wow. You hate women. Wow. And that, but it happens like, it happens enough time where it gives you pause, but it doesn't happen often. At least from our brand, like, you know, every matchmaking service has a brand presentation and we tend to attract the clients that are right for us. That's good. Yeah. Nice. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for your time, Maria. And that has just been fab. I have never really thought about matchmaking before, you know, until I heard you on a podcast. And I think it's such a different way of going about it. And like you say, it's not something that I've heard of being done ever in New Zealand, Australia. Yeah. Cool. I'm sure someone exists. Yeah, amazing. Oh, well, thank you so much for your time. And where can people find you if they want to hear more about your matchmaking? They can go to agopymatch.com, which can tell you all about our programs, or you can follow me on Instagram at matchmakermaria. I'm also the host of the Ask a Matchmaker podcast. Amazing. Thank you so much for your time. So good. Absolutely. Ladies, have a beautiful morning and I will say good night to you from here. See you. Bye. Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. You can find us on Instagram at girlsgetoff. You can join our Facebook group, Girls Get Off Uncensored. I think we've got more than 20,000 members in there at the moment. And if you'd like to leave us a rating or review, that always helps us get higher in the charts, and every week we'll pick the most creative review to win a Missy Mini. Thanks for listening.