Is it possible to love two people at once?
If you had asked me a couple of years ago, I would have screamed the house down and asked, “What sort of sooty p-n-v energy is that?” But ask me now and I’ll tell you, “Duh babe, didn’t you hear? Monogamy is a lie.”
The question popped up this week in the Girls Get Off Uncensored Facebook Group and unsurprisingly there was no clear consensus but there was a lot of curiosity.
People questioned whether it makes you a good or a bad person to love two people and a few were confused about how it would be possible, so if like me you find the whole concept of dual love fascinating, read on.
According to the Greeks, love comes in seven different forms. Eros is romantic or passionate love of the body. Phila is affectionate or friendly love. Storge is unconditional or familial love. Agape is selfless or universal love. Ludus is playful, flirtatious love. Pragma is committed, long-lasting love and lastly, Philautia is self-love.
I came across this fact last year and it changed my perception of love because it made me realise it is not a blanket emotion and therefore there is no right or wrong way to feel it.
A story I found helpful to explain this situation came from the book ‘Women on top of the world’, by Lucy-Anne Holmes. It’s become my go-to encyclopedia for all things sex and sexuality as it’s full of stories from women all around the world sharing their intimate secrets and it includes one incredibly relevant story from a woman in Ecuador named Jaya.
Jaya was brought up in contrasting worlds. Part of her upbringing was in Ecuador where her parents lived a very “open” lifestyle, and she would quite often find them naked around the house or walk in on them having sex, but her life swiftly changed when she moved to Austria during high school and the mere act of brushing arms with a boy resulted in having to get a “vaccination”.
Cooties were not taken as seriously in my school but c'est la vie, baby.
Jaya’s essay is written as an adult in a secure relationship where she is “peeling off all these layers around sexuality, about what is right and what is wrong and what is real” because after two and a half years of being with one lover, she felt the pull of another.
It wasn’t because she was bored with her partner, it wasn’t because she didn’t love them, it was because she was having an awakening, “I realized that my sexuality was for me to work out. What do I want?” She released herself from the societal box of monogamy and advocated for what she wanted which was a relationship running alongside her current one.
Jaya said, “I have a new lover and I’m in the very slow process of allowing something to develop with him.” And then she hit me with all the feels and an urgent desire to find myself a boyfriend when she said, “At the beginning of a relationship, the union is so powerful and so beautiful. It takes trust to do that.”
She said her new partner is shy around sexuality having come from a Catholic background, so they have been taking things slowly, but decided to ramp it up on her birthday and make love.
The following morning, he left, and her partner came home. “We jumped on each other and had the most wonderful quickie. The contrast of the super tender, sweet, slow soft connections I’d had the night before with this rough, fast, strong, penetrative sex – we call it ‘rammenln’ in German, like rabbits so it – was amazing.”
She finished her essay by stating “I am here just trying to hold my base, in this huge realm of possibilities, of what I want and what I don’t want. It’s been a crazy journey but right now I am really loving it.”
Jaya’s fascinating story gave a glimpse into what a non-traditional relationship looks like and how it is completely possible to love two people at the same time. She proved loving another person didn’t mean she had lost love for her initial partner but that she enjoyed the two entirely different kinds of love they provided.
One gave her senseless passion, the other gave her tender, sweet connections.
She simply cannot compare the two nor pick.
— By Lillie Rohan.