If you’re finding that penetration is more ‘ouch’ than ‘oohhh’, you’re not alone. In fact, research shows us that 20% of women experience painful sex at some point in their life.
But, just because it’s common, it doesn’t make it normal.
So, if you’re gritting your teeth through discomfort and using those high school drama classes and faking your Big O just to get your partner to hurry up in the bedroom, I get it, but let’s change it.
First, repeat after me: Sex should never be painful unless I want it to be.
In most cases, there’s an underlying physical cause to painful sex – from muscle tension to hormonal changes. So, here are 7 things I want you to know about pain during sex.
1. Sex should NEVER be painful (unless you want it to be)
If you’re one of the millions of Australian women who have put up with pain during penetrative sex, during climax or even after orgasm, know that you are not alone -but also know that you don’t have to put up with. I’ll say it louder for the women in the back (because I swear this mantra will be engraved onto my tombstone): sex should never be painful … unless of course you want it to be.
2. Burning pain on insertion
A common reason behind painful sex is a pelvic floor that’s too tight. And, I know the next question will be, ‘But Heather, what’s my pelvic floor got to do with my pussy?’ Well, your pelvic floor forms a framework around your vagina, almost like a support structure. And when your pelvic floor is too tight (or hypertonic as we like to call it), it can form a pincer-like pussy grip. And no, despite what you were taught in the early 2000s, a tight pussy is not an attribute to aspire to. You need function and a pelvic floor that has the ability to contract and release. Pelvic floor physiotherapy, deep breathing exercises, and pelvic floor release tools – like our Floor Ball which you can use at home - can help relax these muscles and bring blood flow to the area (which is essential during sex to help with you get turned on and wet).
3. Pain post-orgasm
You’ve made it to the big O, but if you’re experiencing pain instead of a post orgasm glow, it’s a sign of pelvic floor dysfunction. Your pelvic floor is one of the most important muscles involved in getting you to climax and during your orgasm, the pelvic floor is required to rhythmically contract and relax – that’s where those ‘waves of pleasure’ stem from. If you’re suffering from a pelvic floor that’s too tight, always tense and always switched on, this extra muscle activity that comes to get you to orgasm can cause it to become overworked and sends it into spasm. Confused? Think of the way your body gets a stitch after a big run or during an intense workout – it’s a really similar premise when it comes to the pelvic floor during orgasm. If this sounds like you, check out our free Hypertonic Pelvic Floor Guide.
4. Hormones changes
Shifts in hormones can play havoc on your sex life, especially during postpartum, perimenopause or menopause. Why? Well drops in estrogen can lead to vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal walls (called vaginal atrophy) and this can make sex feel painful, even if it wasn’t before. Opt for a quality water-based or silicone lubricant and chat to your health professionals about whether an estrogen cream may be helpful.
5. Underlying Conditions Can Cause Pain
Some conditions like endometriosis, vaginismus, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), fibroids, interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia can lead to painful penetration. Regardless of your condition, there are treatments, creams, medications and techniques to help. Have a chat with your medical dream team (or if you haven’t found one yet, reach out and we’ll help source someone local for you!).
6. Stretching for a sex sesh
Ok, bear with me here. We know the importance of stretching prior to a workout, and if you’re about to put your body through a marvellous sweat session in the sheets, it’s also important to prep your body. For those girlies who experience pain with sex, try incorporating a few pre-coital movements to get the body limber and relaxed. Some of my favourites are child’s pose, happy baby and butterfly sit. For more information and my ultimate pre sex stretch list, check out this article: 6 must-do exercises before trying doggie style.
7. Change it up
The angle of penetration matters! So, if deep penetration is painful, try positions that give you more control. Some good options are:
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Woman-on-top – Allows you to control depth and movement.
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Side-lying spooning – Offers a gentler, shallower penetration.
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Modified missionary with a Bumpy Cuddles pillow under your hips – This can help reduce discomfort by changing the angle.
If you’re experiencing painful sex, you’re not alone, BUT you don’t have to accept it as your new normal. Every body deserves great sex – not only because it’s fun, but it’s so important for your mental and physical health – so if you’re struggling reach out to the team at Core Restore Co for help.
