Losing an Erection, Sleeping with your Ex and Butt Stuff with AJ Paps

You're listening to the Girls Get Off podcast, an R18 podcast on all things female pleasure. Think girl talk, but real girl talk, where we chat all things masty, self-loving, sex, orgasms and more. Nothing is off limits, which means you get all the secrets, even our guests BFFs don't know. We're on a mission to make talking about getting off as fun as actually doing it. Ready to join the Mastination? Let's get into it. 

Welcome back to the Girls Get Off podcast. We're here today with a very, very special guest today. He's based in Sydney as well. I'm in the studio with him. His name is AJ and he owns a sex shop, but not just that, he's huge on TikTok and so many other things, but I wanna know how it'll happen for you cause is this a family business for you? Firstly, ladies, thank you for having me. What it do, baby? It's good to be on here. What it do, Viv, Joe, I wish you were here. It's good seeing you on the screen. So. Yes, family business. From the, my family have been in the business for about close to 25 to 30 years. What? Yes, it's crazy. It started actually, it's actually started, the business actually started off in South Africa long, long before there was butt plugs and sex toys and stuff. They just went there was DVDs. So my stepdad went over to South Africa and opened up, they had. changed the law over there where they each allowed for adult stores so they reformed the law and then was opening up adult stores left front and centre. That's when guys would just grab DVDs, look at DVDs, pull their penis in the corner like weirdos and they're just full creepy, full creepy. Oh so they didn't take them home? They just like... No, no they had to take them home but they'll be like there and they'll look at it, they'll get hard and just weird shit, just weird shit. And then he was in South Africa 50-50 and then in Sydney and then... It was like he met my mum because my mum used to actually work for a company that did the DVD cases. Oh, how romantic. Yeah, it was like this whole, you know, porno love story, but it was fantastic. And then my mum didn't do porn, just to clarify that. And then they met and then my mum pretty much said, look, we can't raise a family going 50-50, you in South Africa and you have to walk around with guns in South Africa and, you know, here in Sydney. So move back to Sydney and make a family. They started a family. Yeah, we had about, my family had about five, six shops here in Sydney. And then when my mum got involved in the business, she's turned them from sort of dark, dirty, pull your dick in a corner, like adult stores to proper female, LGBTQ, T plus, A plus, sorry if I don't, if I fucked the initials up, but friendly stores that, you know, they're open to couples. They're more, you know, educational hubs. Then fast forward, I got into the business when I was 18 years old. 18? Yes. Oh my gosh. Weird, wild, weird. Like I was selling things I didn't even know. Like, well, I was like, yeah, like really? That does that? Like, what? You know, I haven't even held hands yet. Like what's going on? And then, yeah. And then, so then after three years, at 21, I stepped out of the business to go run nightclubs. And then I came back into the bit, my parents unfortunately got divorced. I came back into the business to help my mum. And My mom came to me with a problem where, the thing I loved the most about the shops was I got to give people advice. Because when you walk into an adult store, firstly, obviously the level of confidentiality is there and people can actually sit there and feel, they'll tell you their deepest, darkest, secret. You're like a confession box that is non, like they're actually gonna tell you everything. They're not like, you know, people go to a confession box, they're like, oh father, I've seen, you know, I was rude to my wife. They come to you and they're like, I've got four mistresses, I need toys for all of them, but I know I can tell you everything because, you know, you're never gonna, if my wife comes in, you're never gonna tell, you know? And I'm a confession box. People tell me, I have girls who are paranoid to, like, they've told me things that they're into sexually that they'll never tell their best friends. Because there's a level of confidentiality, you know? There's people I've grown up with my whole life, or people in my friends, my family's friends groups, or friends of friends' friends groups that... people don't know that we know each other, but we don't know each other, but also know that person likes eating us. Like it's because the level of confidentiality is crazy. But yeah, and then so my mom brought me into the business the second time and the second time I'm like, you know what, I love helping people and I'm also unfiltered. So I'm not shy to talk about the things that as you can see on TikTok, I'm not shy to talk about the things I can talk about. And you know what, people are not too confident talking about them. So I'm happy to break the gap and make it as sort of. honest and funny as possible to like, you know, it's okay. Like there's nothing wrong with having a finger in your ass as a guy when you have sex. Like I'm just making it as normal as possible. And you don't like, you mentioned you give lots of advice, right, you don't just like learn that straight away. What are some of the like tools or resources that you've used to find out all this information? Well, I'm a man of God, so I don't partake in any of the devil letters that I talk about. That is, that is, I don't partake in it, I just. I read books, there's no from personal experiences, none of that, that is disgusting. But, no look, if you spend enough time in adult, like I would be working in an adult store 60 hours a week. And majority of my clients are female. In order for me to understand what someone likes, you have to have a conversation with them. And over time, you have enough conversations, you pick up tips, tricks and advice that work. You know, and I'll never forget, someone said to me on TikTok, Oh, you only give advice for the guys to use on girls. I said, duh, like it's a win-win. Like really, if you think about it, it's a win-win. Like if you're having male and female sex and he gets you off, that's what we all want. Like that's what women complain about. He can't find the clique. He can't do this, he can't do that. I'm teaching men how to do that. So then like... It's a win-win. I'm a humanitarian. Humanity gets better. But essentially it's just, years of speaking to women and women relaying to you information. You learn. Now I've got a strong female mother, so the dating side and how to deal with women is sort of, I've learned from her. And it's just, yeah. Crazy. What is the advice that your mum has given to you around dating? Oh, fuck, don't date. What age did you know about the family business? I'm wondering, what age did you know about the family business? Uh, about 12, 13. Obviously I wasn't, I wasn't exposed to it, but I knew what my parents did. They aren't adult, adult lifestyle centres is what we call them. And did your, I'm asking this because I have a 15 year old who's absolutely mortified about what I do and he's got, you know, his mates at school that give him, could you hear that? Fuck them. I guess now we're in a world though of social media and everything. See, sorry, visuals as well, which is not good. Not good. Look, the I was obviously I was a very confident kid when I was younger. Yeah. And I think to be honest with you, when I was about 18 to 21, I was a little bit shy about it. in the sense that I had all my friends who were getting into construction, doing normal jobs, and then we'll be out for drinks. And they'll be like, oh, yeah, he owns sex shops. He does this. He sells sex toys. And like back then, I was sort of like, that's when sort of it was still we're talking like nearly 10 years ago. So it was still a little bit taboo. You know, it's still not really cool. I think these days, this day and age, like my brothers obviously see me on TikTok and all they've I took my brother to his formal. the other week and they all went crazy like you're the guy you got to I listen to your stuff I listen to your mom, your balls haven't dropped yet like no put it in your saves and watch it when you're 18 like but if I was him you know you do good work. Give it a few years you'll you love her you love her wait like I know you don't want to hear it as a mother but wait until he starts listening to your advice and using tips his girlfriend's gonna be a very happy lady girlfriend or boyfriend whatever he chooses but you know I love it. And talk to us about TikTok though. Like was it, it must've been huge for your business, but also your personal brand. Yes, well TikTok is life changing. TikTok is all like, is everyone that I speak to, no matter what business they're in, I mean, I sell butt plugs. So like, if I can sell butt plugs, you can sell tools to work like, for your business. You can promote anything on TikTok. The reason I actually started TikTok was because when I got back into the business, mum's like to me, look, we can't do like, as you guys would know, you can't really do paid ads. Like our business in a lot of the corporate world is very sort of shunned upon where, you know, they close your bank accounts, they don't allow you with ad accounts for particular product. I can't go do it, put an eight inch deal, like I can't go literally, I can't even hold an eight inch deal dough in my hands without getting banned. So like, there's certain products that, how you meant to... build a business without, you know, with not really doing paid ads these days, especially a lot of people who don't know how to, or aren't as confident in front of the camera, how are they going to promote their business? You know, so mum came to me and she's like, look, we've got to, we've got to, the only issue is we can't do paid ads. I'm thinking, fuck, how am I going to, there's only so much I can do. And then so I started, I actually started Missionary to Madam as more of an education business. And then it literally just I mean, I had 400 followers but I was doing funny videos. And everyone I grew up with was laughing and I would do sex advice on YouTube and everything and I was getting like 100 views, 200 views and I'm like, oh if I stick to this, you know. I'm still that one person or two people who are like this, I'm getting messages saying, hey, thanks so much, you've helped me. And then I was at dinner one night with a friend and she's like to me, you got to get on TikTok. I'm a fucking grown man. I'm not going, I'm not dancing on fucking TikTok. No way. Look at me biting my tongue now. Look at me shaking my ass on TikTok. But then I literally uploaded my first video on TikTok, got 30,000 views. I'm like, hold on a second. All the videos I've been doing the last year, haven't even accumulated anything neither. And then now 30,000 won't go. And then from there I went from within the first three months, I had a hundred thousand followers within the first year, 500,000. And then I'm Shadow Band, so now I've kind of like, I go up a little bit, a little bit, but it is life changing. And it's crazy because like, I didn't realise how much of an impact, firstly, how many people on TikTok, but how much of an impact people actually listen to my advice is. So like I've literally doubled down on it because people, I'm like... I feel like I'm like the older brother that, you know, people can come to and speak to about their sex problems. Like I have guys messaging me, I have women messaging me all the time, what do I do with this, what do I do with that, what do I do with this, where they feel comfortable enough to speak to me, they won't feel comfortable enough to speak to their friends or their friends don't have the answers. I have answers, you know. So it's crazy. It's the best decision I've ever made. Best decision I've ever made. And I get to meet cool, amazing new people. Like I get to come onto podcasts like this and like this is fantastic. That's so cool. When did you find out your shadow band? Just when you start like thinking about it. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it just plummets. It plummets. I'm like, how do I go from 150,000 views for like an average video? And then I do a great video. I get like three views. Like the fuck did I do to you, TikTok? Yeah, it just took us like quite a few months to like accept that. OK, I think it's shadow band. But you get unshadowed band. Yeah, I don't really know whether that ever really happened for us. We've just ditched that account and we're starting again. Now, the trick is, is like you obviously have to wait it out. But the trick is you got to keep making content. That's it. That's it. And I think I think for our own sanity, we just keep making content. And you go switch it up. So you got to do like stitches. You got to do duets. You got to do original short form, long form and just pivot. Like instead of saying penis, I say willy bear. Like you learn, like if you see my videos, you'll notice I say, people are like, did he actually just call his dick a willy bear? Like, yeah, I'm not going back to jail. I'm not going back. Thank God these doors are soundproofed. Um, okay, well talk us through some of the advice. What are some of the trends that you're seeing happening right now? You know, you mentioned that 10 years ago, way too taboo. And then now I reckon, and even we are going to the space where it's so, it's way more normal and more accepted to talk about these things. But what are you saying in your DMs? What are the trends? What are people into? What do people want to try this year? I don't think we want to know everything that's going into your DMs. Oh my, my DMs are wild plays. You know, I'll tell you this, but my man, oh God, please stop, stop. But like, my DMs have been crazy. Look, I think dating's fucked. Dating's fucked. I literally did a video about this last night because I've got a... I saw it! Yeah, and the reason... People message me like, are you okay? Who hurt you? Firstly, I don't express my own personal feelings on my own social media. I'm not going... This is more business for me. I like to keep my sort of that life a bit private. But I've got a friend who's currently like, you know, top guy. Amazing. Like, if there's any women in Sydney, I've got the guy for you. I'm a man. I am a amazing guy. I made loves toys, loves toys, toys up to right under the wing. He's very toy. We want to see this happen. AJ. That he's currently going for a heartbreak right now. So when it's thing I'm getting back up. I said to him, look, I'm here to catch you when you fall. Don't worry. That's what I'm here for. But, you know, amazing, amazing guy like took it to restaurants, took it like was such a like that plan their life together within two and a half months, which is too quick. I told him you fucked yourself by anyway. And. And then yeah, and then like it's just going to shit now and I'm like, is all but I don't know what the I was perfect this I did that one. I think this day and age as I'm like a cancel for this, but it's OK. But I think this day and age, you have to learn how to play the game, especially with dating sex is irrelevant because like we've sex, I mean, I think. We'll talk about the most important things, but you can't really have sex without dating. You can, you can't. It's crazy. But I think with the love of time with guys, we get in our own way. I mean, I'm sure we've all had an experience where there's been a guy, he's like amazing, he's really nice, and then he just moves too quick. Are you having flashbacks? You went quiet. Oh no, I'm trying to think of examples. Yeah, you went very quiet. I feel like you just... There's some heartbreak here. I feel some tension in this studio. But in terms of sex trends, toys are toys. Toys. It's phenomenal and it's so good to see that, you know. I want more of that dating conversation. I want you to keep going. No, you just stick around. Okay, it's okay. So where do you want to go? Dating? Guys, guys got to get out of their own fucking way. Stop like, I'm not trying to sound like Andrew Tate just to make it very clear. But guys need to, guys get in their own fucking way. Because what happens is, and it's happened to me before so I've learned, you meet a girl, you really like a girl and you're like, fuck, I can spend all my time with her. And then the original things that made her attracted to you in the first place, the fact that you'd go to the gym, you'd have hobbies, you'd have a good friends group, you'd go out. You stop doing all those things and you put all your attention into her because you're like, it's okay, it's natural. If you like something, you're going to put your attention into her and you want to spend... If I like a video game, I'm going to spend more time in the video game because I'm enjoying it. And then what happens is guys do that and then they fuck themselves because she loses her attraction. It's fucked and, you know... So keep going to the gym. Don't quit your fucking hobbies! Don't quit your hobbies, you know. This is the, I'm just guessing, do you have a strong female audience? We have a very strong female audience, but I'm sure you do too. Yeah, 82%, it's crazy. Yeah, when I saw you talking, I'm like, this guy, all his followers are female. But I recommend this book for, I'm like a strong believer in the masculine and feminine polarity. I'm a big believer in it. And there's an amazing book by David Deter called The Way of the Superior Man. And it essentially talks about, you know, I think I nearly got cancelled the other way because I spoke about how guys need to like when she doesn't want these two ladies had a podcast and I stitched it and I'll talk about how you know She doesn't want you like you don't want to make plans if a guy asks you out right now You don't make the plans. You don't be like, you know, should we do tie at 730? No, no, that's not your fucking Exactly, grow some fucking balls and tell her listen I want, and then of course I get the Karens in there like, who are you to tell me what to fucking do? Firstly, this is why we're not dating, so get out of my business. But it's essentially like, in terms of dating, okay, this is how we're gonna do it. My top bits of dating advice, one, be decisive. Show her that you're a man with a fucking plan. You know, women want a guy with a plan. It's attractive. You all day, you got your businesses, you got your podcasts, you're doing this. The last thing you want to do is come home and be like, fuck, what are we going to eat? What do I want to eat? You want to go out and be like, listen, Joe, Viv, 7.30, be ready. Look, this is a vibe of the restaurant so you know what to wear. That's important. This is the vibe of the restaurant so you know what to wear. I remember I got cancelled once. Cause I don't know, I'm like the fucking, if I'm dating someone, like I know what their style is. And like, I'm like, okay, I'm a little bit into female fashion. I don't wear heels anymore, but I'm a little bit, no, I'm joking. I'm like, you know, but I don't like, I'm into female fashion. If I see a nice skirt, I'll buy it for my partner. You know if I'm out and I'm shopping and I see something nice I'm like fuck I know this I'll know she'll like this and I'll know I'll like this on her I'll buy it I know they try to cancel me for that once They're like you can't tell her what to wear I didn't fucking tell her what to wear I just said I'll like this for you I bought it for you So enjoy it We can enjoy it together You know, anyway. Don't wear it if you don't like it. Yeah, if you don't like it, I will return it. Or you return it and pick whatever the fuck you want. It doesn't matter, it's the gesture. And they tried cancelling it for me. They cancel for everything these days. Yeah, but you're on TikTok as well, and that's like a, that is a fiery place in the comments on TikTok. I love it, I run amuck, I run amuck on there. Like, cause I just, I feel like if you allow them to bully you, they'll bully you. But I don't allow no one to bully me. But the guy should be, not in dating, a guy should be decisive. Make plans. Make it takes 10 fucking minutes to book a restaurant to message me and be like, babe, be ready 7.30. This is a Viper restaurant. This is what I probably recommend wearing. Um, we're going to have a good night. That's it. She will you do that. It was a game and listen. Listen. Number one, number two is listen. Do you have a partner? No, no, no. Are you dating someone? No, but you know what? No, this is the first time. Is that like a no, I don't want my audience to think no? Or is that like? No, this is that the audience literally knows. I say red flag more than anything. OK. Like possible. I'm a walking red flag, so it's understandable. I'm a walking red flag too. That's the issue. I have 5C stuff. But no. This is the first time like the whole year. I think I've said green flag to something Oh, she good if it. Thank you was decisive I'm all for it. Listen listen because I'm sure I'm sure like what let's say for example You have a partner you don't be like to your pilot. Let's say lives in Sydney and then we've Comes back to the end. Zayn and she goes to this restaurant and you say it on a story and you're not there and you Want to try that restaurant? You're gonna be like, oh, yeah, I look bad. We've we've went to fucking Seashell lobsters, like it looks so nice. That, he should take that as a fucking hint that he doesn't even have to think then. He doesn't have to think where we're gonna eat. Automatically, if you're smart and you fucking listen, you can take that bit of information and you're gonna be like, I'm gonna book there for 7.30, I'm gonna tell her to be ready, blah, blah. Then he kills two birds in one stone. One, he's decisive, and two, he shows you that he pays attention, and three, he knows you're gonna like it because you've already mentioned it to him. The game's fucking easy. God, we just, and this, credit to my mother, because I've learned this all from her. The game is fucking, the game is easy, it's not even a game. Dating is fucking easy. As men, we're just fucking complicated, and we become lazy and we become complacent. And I can say that, I'm not saying, because some guy said to me, you say this shit for female intention. Firstly, fuck, go look at my DMs, I don't need female intention. Secondly, I say this because I'm sick of seeing men in my DMs fall for the same shit that I used to fall for and do the same shit. Of course a female is going to fucking check out if you don't listen. If she's sitting there fucking nagging you, pick your shit up, pick your shit up, pick your shit up, I want to go out, I want to go out, I want to go out, I want to go here, I want to go here, I want to go here. You just fuck all about it, you're sitting there pulling your dick and playing COD. Of course she's going to sit there and check out after six months. And then she's gonna, and then she's, and then you're gonna be there crying. Being like, hold on, let me put the remote down. I can do better. Come back, come back, come back, come back. Whereas if you actually fucking took a half a night off a week and did the fucking work and actually put up, put the same effort that you did in the honeymoon stage as you do now, you'll be happy. You'll be in a fucking fulfilling relationship. Yeah. I feel like you've got a hundred percent of listeners on your side right now. Just going. No, I was that dumb guy. That's why I can say I was I was that fucking I was that I've only been in one relationship and the number one green flag thing that I did and Again credit to my mother is I didn't be like of course I mean every X has bad like every person in both sides of relationships has a negative trace You know of course I'm gonna be like well I don't like the things that she did this in there blah But there was a lot of things in my past relationship that I could have done better When I was nagged about let's go out, it didn't have to be, and here's another one, here we go, number three. When she says she wants to go out, it doesn't always have to be fancy. You'll be surprised, you can go a lot further with a fucking cheese board and a bottle of wine and a picnic basket, then at a fancy restaurant. Yeah, and I think I like what you're saying too. Sorry ladies, I'm going crazy. But I think also it goes both ways in terms of, I guess when we talk to say friends or whatever and people saying things like. oh you should have done this or blah blah, whatever. It also goes both ways in terms of the communication of like you say, actually asking for what you want. Figuring out what you want and then like actually asking for it, not just assuming that someone's gonna read your mind. 100%, I mean I think a lot of my content I preach the importance of communication as well. You know like. uh... happy that the number one thing that is a man i'm fucking monitors unfortunately as much as i as much as you think i are just cause he listened to what's your last day and i think it was it where you said serious gonna go here in a fucking monitor it is better than just a mock on tennyson you know it communications is that are so important like uh... i said to my friend the one who's going to the single thing how did the The breakup. The breakup thing. Going through single. I literally said to him, because I'm like, bro, everything you're saying to me, you should say to her. And if you feel like you can't say that to her, why the fuck are you with her? Yeah, and I imagine some of the people in your DMs are looking for some kind of silver bullet easy answer, but really they know if they were honest with themselves about what the real answer is. No, you don't know. No, they copped one voice memo. I'm just honest with them. I'm not gonna be like, I'm not fucking. I don't think that they know deep down, but they're just like, oh, maybe AJ will give me the answer, but you know deep down. They want me to shh, sugarcoat them. Yeah. I actually, like, unfortunately, like, you know, I... I adore my friends, I adore my family. But I'm the friend and I'm the family member who's gonna rip the fucking band-aid. Because that's the only way to be. And like, I do it with my content and I'm straightforward with my content because I'm like, well they can't cancel me if I'm all nice nice. And then I'm like, okay, no, you have to fucking dump him. Like, some chick said to me, commented on my thing the other day and she's like, you know. The guy that I'm with is really perfect, but he hates that I use toys on myself. I'm like, wow, that's really good I got one piece of advice fuck him off Fuck him off And then she thought but he's got all these good qualities. I said so you're telling me that Never mind if he maybe he maybe had you know An essay related bad experience or thing if he's doing it because it's attacking his ego Then he's not the person for you because like a man Should you not? I have like clients or old clients from different store locations that are no longer open. So I don't have to like thing, but like, I have like criminals, like hard, hard men who love sex toys, who love getting their ass eaten, who love a finger in their ass. So when guys sit and tell me, but it's an attack on my masculinity, these guys are shooting people and then going home and using sex toys. Like it's not an attack on masculine, like you're not, you don't get, the toy doesn't make you masculine. There is a higher chance that she's gonna leave you from the concept and the idea of you saying, I don't wanna use toys, then you actually using a toy. Cause guys will be like, oh, but if I use a toy, that means she's gonna use a toy on herself and not need me. She doesn't fucking need you already. Like let's be real, you look, Men like what we don't realize is men is it's human biology that the internal the internal bits of a vagina is designed for childbirth It's not designed for pleasure. We're just thrusting and grunting and thinking we're doing something. We're doing fuck all The only time that she's getting pleasure is when she's on top and grinding on the... and the clitoris are grinding on the pelvis. That is like where... that's where the actual pleasure is. So this whole, oh, the toy is going to make me inadequate. You're already inadequate and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. What actually makes sex good for both... what makes sex good for both parties is the coming together and the intimacy. And I always say that to do in shop. Like, oh, guys, and God bless them. It's phenomenal. I love watching, like... I don't know how, like, it is seeing, like... someone who's like, I don't know, a reformed person from whatever they've done in life, but I love seeing someone walk into the store and at first they're like, oh you know, toys, like she's got my dick, she doesn't need a toy. I'm like, brother, do you work hard? He'll be like, yeah. I'm like, you know, you work a hard job, yeah. Do you ever get tired? He's like, yeah. I'm like, bro, have you ever thought that like, maybe the toy, like if you're building a house... would you build a house with your bare hand or would you use tools? I would use tools. What the fuck is the difference between using sex toys? Use the toy, it doesn't make you inadequate as a man. And I love when people come into the store and they suck their whole aura, like they go from I don't want toys to, okay, I'll take that, and that. Because they realize it makes both your experiences better. Yeah, I think that's one thing we- Sorry, another rant. Well, I think also being called Girls Get Off, like one of the things we've been really careful to do. is show that we're like an ally, we're not like anti-male or anything like that or anti-partners because it's already, sex is already great. It's like the sex toys are like an addition, it's like the topping to the ice cream or it's, yeah, you can do it by yourself, you can do it with someone else, it's not a big deal, you know? And that's why, because obviously, before I jump on podcasts, I look at that because I've noticed in the sex education space, there's a lot of sex educators out there that are actually anti-men. And I hate it, because I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not going to name names, but it's in my thought process. And it's only come to my thought process again a couple of weeks ago. So when I first started off sex educating, I had about 4,000, 5,000 followers. Thank God, God bless and very grateful that I'm bigger now. But I reached out to a well-known sex educator, not like a massive, but like she's big enough to see my DM. Put it that way, it's not like 300,000, 400,000, 150,000, like it's under like 50K, bless you, it's under 50K, but I reached out because someone reached out to me and they're like, look, I don't know how to handle, I don't know how to get back into my sex life after a sexual assault. And I'm like, I'm not qualified, well, I think I'm qualified, but I'm not gonna give you like proper qualified advice. So I reached out to a sex therapist who's big on Instagram and she just left my message on scene. And I thought, what a piece of shit. Like, I'm being honest, I was like, what a piece of shit. Because this is someone like, whether I have a brand or don't, who's reaching out for you about a serious matter in someone's life for advice, on like a fucking serious. I'm not asking you, where does the penis go? I'm asking you, how can someone come back from a sexual assault? And you're not gonna fucking, you're gonna leave me on scene. And that's no ego, that's just actually pure humanity. Like, what the fuck, man? Your platform, if you're an educator, your platform is there. Look, I don't reply to some DMs which are just pure, I can read through them and see what's bullshit or not. But the only time, and I've said it so many times throughout my content, the only time I really go through DMs is I check if people need advice. And I try my hardest to give them advice. I can't sit there all day and do it, because obviously we run businesses and stuff, but I literally try my hardest. I'll leave like a 10-second voice memo, do this, and this. I don't want to leave anyone, I feel like when people reach out, like we've been given platforms to help people. People sit and follow us, so because they feel like our content means something to them, whether it's through humour, whether it's through education. So who the fuck are we to sit there and neglect people, you know, that are actually reaching out who they can't, especially in an area that we're in where people can't, they can't go to their mum and be like, hey mum, how do I deal with this? You know? Yeah, absolutely. Sorry, that was a bit aggressive. No, that was great. I think I think... We're seeing all sides of you. Yeah. And it's also, it's quite the privilege to, you know, be the facilitators of such cool conversations in this space, which is just becoming so mainstream. But like you say, a lot of people don't have other people to ask these things. No. It's so personal to them. It's quite sensitive. Not everyone is as open about these things as we are. So, you know, that's a cool, that's a cool approach to have. Love it. You have to be like that, you know, and I think it's so like we've been blessed to be able to like we're not in the like the business growth space where it's the same shit. Get up at 7am, have a cold shower, you know, conquer the fucking business. Like we're talking about like shit that people are shy to talk about, you know, and we're lucky giving like do this, do that. But that's where the clitoris is. I don't know. I'm still learning. But like that, that's where the clitoris is, you know. All right. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's amazing that people feel comfortable enough. as well with us, like that's a real privilege. I feel like, how amazing does it feel? You know, I feel blessed. Okay, give me three top sex things that we all need to try in 2023 to spice up our sex lives. Well, I feel- Okay, maybe, maybe. Or maybe one solo and one with a partner? Nah, I'll give three. We'll give three. We can go three. I'll give five. I'm on fire right now. Well, obviously... I think the issue then wasn't like a stall because he couldn't think of three, I think. Nah, it was like, what the dumpster? Which ones? I'm going into my little dungeon just picking things up. Whoa, what's going on here? Well, obviously one, definitely... One, obviously, is definitely toys. I mean, I'm not gonna actually add that as one, but that's a must. You know how you got headings and then you got lists? That's one. The toys is a must. Like the umbrella. Everyone should use toys. Even if you're a guy, you should get yourself a clitoral bullet and hold it on your testicles, hold it on your learn-wear thing. Number one tip, I mean, because it's a strong female audience, get yourself a short vibe. or like a clitoral vibe and actually spend time exploring your body. Not just going straight to that one spot that you know is going to get you off. Take the time to actually explore your body. Two, communication. Learn to communicate with the person that you're having sex with. Because if you learn how to communicate with them, women when they naturally express themselves, they feel a lot more comfortable. So when you feel a lot more comfortable with the partner, you feel more relaxed within their presence. When you feel more relaxed within their presence, you're more likely to actually orgasm. What you're gonna realize is if you're holding onto orgasm, you're either one cop blocking yourself from orgasming because you're sitting there, I want orgasm, I want orgasm, it's like looking for your keys. You're never gonna find them. You say, I want my keys, where's my keys? You let go and then your keys come. You let go of thinking. I'm huge on taking sex from performing and thinking about, oh, how do I look at these angles? My left role showing you're human, all our fucking roles show. My biggest advice to women in this podcast is, if he's making fun of you with the fucking direction he wants to have sex with you and he has created by as i standing in fact i think that fucking all up a lot you know and or another one okay but it's going to be more than five so three because this is huge and it's happened to me laid out by having a i think i trust that they are not in my podcast and i experienced recently i think i picked up in total girl without drinking and then we end up back in my house we had fun and I lost my erection. And she's like, at first she was offended. She's like, but you're the sex guru and you're this and you're that. I said, firstly, honey, hold on a second. Michael Jordan's fucking basketball coach didn't play basketball. So don't think that just because I'm out here coaching that I'm playing basketball It ain't work like that. But I said it's natural I had a stressful week I was drinking alcohol and it was my first time with a new partner Which all guys always can majority of guys are gonna get nervous about So if a guy a big tip is if a guy loses his erection don't think it's you What the fuck you naked in front of him in the first place if you didn't find you attractive? Yep, love that. So, if no one thinks about it, it's not about you. He could just have a million things. If he loses it, and tell me if he starts with the, I'm sorry, starts having a melt and prep. Hey, hey, snap back into it. Snap back into it. We're not done yet. You go straight back to foreplay. I can't wait to tell someone to snap back into it. Hey, hey, hey So if you take his mind off direction, you go back to foreplay. Whether he goes down on you, whether you kiss him, whether you allow him to watch you use the toy. You know, that's a big one as well. Sex in public, hotels, change your positions. There's so many, like, I know, I have couples that have been together for 30 years. They're still coming in, getting new toys, spicing it up, different things. Also another one actually had another friend who recently got divorced and before he got divorced I don't know I want to before I decide to get divorced I want to like try my hardest to you know reignite that flame. I'm like, bro Why don't you have an affair? He's like, bro, what the fuck? I'm like, no, not like that Have an affair with your missus have an affair with your missus go get two burner phones from Kmart make sure you know pull man in front of police because you're gonna get raided but get two burner phones with knockers and And start flirting with each other like you think and make it as if you're flirting with each other and start and then organize hotel rooms and rendezvous it's role play, it's risky, it's fucking wild also as well you know, if you want to start getting your man excited start sending him photos of your outfit everyday so I learned that one from my mum Not like outfit, no no, let's make it very fucking clear, hold on. I'm not talking lingerie, I'm talking like outfit. Because think about it, if you know you're sending your man a photo every day, because I used to catch her in the mirror and she'd be in her work stuff, and she'd take a photo, I'm like what the fuck are you doing? So I'm sending a photo to Joe. Because if you really think about it, you're going to dress up for your partner. If you're going to take a photo, you might like been with him for 10 years and you're like, oh, let me look at the photo. He can see me in my fucking stained tracksuit. But if you're going to take a photo and send it to him, that means you're going through the process of making yourself feel like you're going to look a little bit better. And then that's naturally going to boost it. And you're going to feel a little bit sexier. When you feel sexier, you're going to feel a little bit hornier. When you feel a little bit hornier, you want to have more sex with him. And then you're actually enticing him. You'll be surprised. I know everyone needs something in partnerships. When I get a partner, I'm gonna need outfit photos every fucking day. Man, I ask randoms in my fucking DMs that I talk to, what are you wearing? Send me an outfit. She's probably like, what a weirdo. Like, no, that's not weird. I find that sexy. Show me that outfit. That's why I walk into KUKA now, I walk into a dress shop. I want that, I want that, I want that. I remember my ex. Now, apparently this is the first time I've spoken about it on a podcast. I never speak about it. Oh, it's an exclusive. I don't speak about my exes. I just, I find it, I'm not that guy. They're on their journey, in my mind, journey with moving forward, everything happens for a reason, blah, blah. Oh, actually that reminds me, we're gonna go talk about dating back in a second. But I walked, I don't know if you've got a cook guy in New Zealand, is it a cook guy in New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, we've got a cook guy. Yeah, I remember. So back when cook guy was the craze, I walked into, I remember I walked into cook guy and I was like 22, 23 years old and I picked out three things. I'm like, I'll take that, I'll take that, I'll take that in her size. She's like, oh my God, how nice, your girlfriend sent you in here. No, no. I came in here because I want to sit here and I'd like to sit here and I think she'd look good in that. I think making little bits of effort like that people don't realize is that you really want to spice up your sex life, you've got to spice up the internal first. Especially with women, like your mind is the first portal to your body. Women are gonna be like, oh my god, he's manipulative. That's not fucking manipulative, it's human psychology. If you make her feel comfortable, safe and secure, she will open up to you like it's nothing. You make a woman, these three things, comfortable, safe and secure, she'll eat your ass. It's game over. The three step process to eat your ass. Well lucky you're buying them outfits if you want photos every day, that's a win-win. Isn't it? That's great. They just feel like... I feel like you need to find yourself a bit of a personal shopper Viv. I reckon. Yeah, right? I had to pay for that. Yeah, add it to the smash list. I love it. Um... I had one more thing I wanted to get back on, but I forgot about it. So I'm waving at randoms. What were you going to talk about in terms of the dating advice? No, no, I'm fine. I know I want to go back. No, I can't remember. The dating, where was the dating? I was going to tell you. It was an important point. It was like two seconds ago. You're like, we need to go back to the dating. We need to go back to the dating. I don't know. It'll come up. It'll pop up. It'll go through my brain like a rant and then it'll come back speaking like I'm Kanye. Sorry ladies. I don't cry. I like the rant. Someone gives me a microphone and all of a sudden, everything just comes to me. It's all go. But other than that sex of like. Communicate like communication and like if you want your dad, that's it. If you want your sex life to improve You have to date each other go back and go on dates You'll be surprised what a little fucking date does for your sex life because you're just essentially rebuilding that intimacy Yeah, intimacy is everything in sex, you know, oh and ladies, ha there it is If if you're if you're if like if you're a lady Oh no, I lost it. Oh, I had it, it was good too. It was a good one. Oh, it was for the, oh. Well, I will jump in there and say that there was a podcast episode that we did with Jemma and she is like a relationship and intimacy coach. And she talked all about how foreplay starts when like penetration ends. So her whole thing was around like the intimacy cards, like what you can do for each other, like you're talking about going on dates and so on. Because as you mentioned that like, gateway to the mind is the gateway to the body and that's what makes women feel really safe and secure. Mm, 100%. Okay, we have a few questions that have come through. Hit me. Could have prepared, I've unlocked my phone. What's it like being a male in the sex toy industry? I'm sick of women saying to me that you don't have a clit, what do you know? Sick of it, sick of it, I find that so offensive. I'm so, I get so offended if a girl comes in and she's like, and I'll be like, this is great, how do you know you don't have a clit? How do you know I don't have a clit? It's 2022, honey, we're walking around with some wild shit out here. How do you know that I don't have a clit? But the thing is, I swear about 80% of people with clits literally haven't explored themselves to the point that they know where or where pleasure spots are either. I don't know, like I'm just like, look, being a male, I like being a male in the adult toy industry because I feel like... I can mansplain things. I know we don't like mansplaining, but I feel like we can mansplain things. Like from the start, when I started my TikTok journey, when I started my sexual education journey, to now, the amount of guys that say to me, like I copped them saying, I bought my first toy because of you, for my partner. Like that shit, like that gets me off. Not like them getting off gets me off, but like that makes me happy. Like knowing that people, like... guys, young, young guys are going from just, oh, let's kiss for two seconds, let's spit on my fingers and that's it, like, and to actually sitting there, taking the time before play and like, actually applying themselves to their partner's pleasure. That shit, like, that's what I like. And that's what I love. I think I feel like I bring a different perspective and I get an understanding of the male brain. And I'm not like, because I've seen some male sex coaches out there who were like, yes, and you gotta do this, and you gotta stroke like that. Shut the fuck up, no. It is not your style. It's not porn, brother. It ain't porn. Porn is like, Bondi, I see you guys are friends with, shout out Bianca, Bondi Bratt. Oh, we love Bianca. We love Bianca. And she said it on my podcast too. She's like, and she does porn. She's like, men need to stop looking at porn for instructions. Oh, amen. You want instructions? When you're down there, get her hands on your head. Get her to guide you to what she likes. That is another one, another one. Here we go. The problem is with guys, because I've been guilty of it before, what we think that what works for one, works for all. The clit... That goes both ways though. We're on the search for what? Like we think the clit is in the same spot, but the clit is in fucking every different spot with every different female you deal with. So you need to... And it's... Don't worry about what work for one person. Maybe you're heading the same direction if the concepts are same, but what works for one does not work for all. You have the concept might but the actual execution of the concept might not. Yes, she likes to get like, she likes getting head, but how she gets given head is completely different to how the last person you gave head to. Yeah. 100%. I mean, goes both ways. Is it unattractive if I'm horny all the time? No. I mean, I might not have the capacity to keep up, but like, no. I'm reading, by the way, I'm reading this up a question that totally sounded like... Sure, sure. Just a personal one. You know, when people in other countries and they're talking to you, they can say some wild shit. They're like, oh, we're not in the same vicinity, so I'm going to say some wild shit. Oh my God. No, that's okay. Okay, next one. How to introduce vibrators into a relationship without offending them. Oh, that's a very good question. I think, again, it comes down to... If you're in a relationship with someone, how open and honest can you be? And generally what I recommend if you are uncomfortable, if you are uncomfortable doing it, plan a dinner or go to a dinner that's near an adult store and park the car where it's sort of... No, no, listen, trust me, park the car... You've put thought into it. This is so good. When you're in the adult industry, you kind of get the same questions over and over again. So you're just going to get better and better at it. Like park the car, like within where you walk past the adult store. And then like anyone who walks past, you'll be here arm in arm walking past the adult store and you're giggling, oh, look at this adult store. Like, have you ever had toys before? Like, and you gotta be like, you gotta do it in like, have you ever had toys before? Like you gotta like, you just put it on him. But that's one of the best ways, you're not really saying, you're not setting yourself up for major rejection, but you're actually, oh yeah, I'm open into it. I didn't realize that. I have toys. Maybe, maybe I should bring it next time. If you're with someone that you feel like you can't communicate with, you have a bigger problem than your sex life. Yeah, a hundred percent. If you're with, because how, if you can't communicate to them, what gets you off? How are you going to communicate how you raise your kids together? Yeah, good point. If you can't communicate how you literally, you know, what gets you off, what turns you on, what turns you off, how are you gonna be like, well, I actually don't like the direct, I don't like you smacking our kids when I wanna give them time out, or I don't like how firm you were with them in this situation instead of that firm. How are you gonna have the courage, that when you can't even tell them the courage that you like a finger in your ass? Easy as that, amen. Yeah, and the next. A question in the inbox is simply, OMG. So I think that may be one of your fangirls. Hi. Oh, I love it. Any other closing remarks, closing thoughts, anything we haven't covered off here today AJ? I know you guys are amazing. You guys are like, it's been amazing. I love it. I'd definitely come on for a part two. Oh yeah, for sure. No, I just think like, I mean going back into 2023, I think, you know, people should, oh, because you have- He's got another one. You have a lot of women. You have a lot of women. I find that in today's day and age, we've- body positivity and everything like that. Like, I find in my DMs, there's a lot of women who are like, oh, you know, I don't feel so confident, I don't feel so sexy. And you know, both Bondi and I both covered it and I've covered it in previous content before. Like, if you don't feel confident or sexy in the bedroom, you have to go into the mirror and you have to start touching yourself naked. You have to. literally go in the mirror and look at your soul, you might think, oh, I don't like myself, I don't like this role, I don't like that, I don't like myself, you're like, firstly, tiger tribes are hard, let's just clarify that. But I don't like this, I don't like that, but if you don't like it, you're gonna put out that energy when you have sex, and it's gonna make, the whole time, instead of actually enjoying sex, you're gonna be thinking, well, how do I look in this angle, how do I look in that angle? What you have to do, and look, I was like. When I was younger, I actually wasn't that confident when it came to sex. I was like, I didn't even like being naked. I'm like, there's some things about myself that I don't like, that I don't want to be naked. Look, my stomach kind of, you know, I got a little bit of a dad bod, I'm not really a fan. And then it took me actually just walking naked around my house, constantly sleeping naked to actually build up that fucking confidence to stand naked in front of someone. When I used to have sex, I'd be like, okay, I want to put my underwear on, I want to put my top on, show the way, by the way. So I'd actually sit there enjoying each other in like... the natural form of human beings that we are. So what you have to do is, if you wanna build your confidence up as a female, you have to sit in the mirror and just compliment yourself. And just compliment yourself. Even if you don't find compliments, make fucking compliments. Oh my God, you got the nicest nostril ever. Make compliments and build, you have to build your own confidence up. And then you'll not, and what will happen is, your sex will naturally get better. Because when you're actually in the bedroom, instead of being like, fuck, how do I look in this position? How do I look in that position? You actually been like, I don't really give a fuck because I'm confident in myself. So I don't care how I look. I know how I look. I look amazing. I look beautiful. I look this. I look that. And you're actually taking your thought processes closer to tabs on your insecurities. And now it's open the tabs to actually enjoy the moment and you enjoy your sex. And when you actually naturally let go, it means you actually got a higher chance of orgasming. And I think we all like- Stop fucking your exes. Sorry. Before we talk about that one. I think we all know examples of people with different body shapes who are like the most confident people. And you're like, oh my god, they're so attractive. And then when it comes to yourself, like again, this comes back to, it's not all about you. Why for some reason do you think that because maybe your body's changed shape that all of a sudden you can't be confident about it? You know what I mean? And then it just feeds through to everything. So I think there's no exception. It's like, oh, they might be fine for that person to be that body shape. But it applies to, everyone's the same. It applies to everyone. So just cause you might've changed, it doesn't matter. Yeah, don't forget if he's there wanting to fuck you, then he's liking what he's seeing anyway. So yeah, he's there with a hard on the limit to, you know, it goes back to the band aid. I ripped the band aid. You got to simplify it. The people think, well, but you know, his dad left him when he was three and this is why perhaps no, if he's there with a fucking hard on, he wants to have sex with you. Like he's down for it. He wants to, he's ready to go. Like, I think, you know, The more you naturally work on yourself, the more you actually take better care of yourself and your body through diet, through gym, through meditation. Everything you do outside of the bedroom naturally progresses inside the bedroom. That works with males too. If I meditate and I take care of my body and I put the right things into my body, I'm gonna naturally perform better. I've got a higher chance of not losing my erection during sex. If I'm not maintaining my stress, I'm not maintaining this, this and that outside of the bedroom, I can... like I'm not going to be able to maintain it inside the bedroom. Everything outside the bedroom starts from outside the bedroom. The better you take care of yourself outside, the better you're going to feel inside the bedroom. Then naturally it works and it's a cycle because then the better you feel inside the bedroom, you're going to feel a lot more confident outside. Sexual confidence is like, I mean I've had moments where I've picked up someone and we have a mad experience. I'm like, shit go me, I lasted 35 seconds instead of 25 seconds. That confidence of that and that good time that you both experienced, that transmutes outside of the bedroom. So if you can create a cycle where a good outside is gonna go a good inside, then good outside, it just constantly fuels itself. Love it. And stop fucking your exes. Yeah, and so I was just gonna say parting words for the podcast, stop fucking your exes. No. Parting words for Girls Get Off is stop focusing on performance, focus on fun. get you some toys for Christmas, get you some toys for Valentine's, enjoy yourself and be with someone who you can actually have open conversations about sex with. That is the key. Yes, nice. And where can people find you AJ? And don't fuck your exes. Where can people find you on TikTok, Instagram, and your shop? Maybe one ex, but now I'm joking. Don't do that. Instagram, you can find me at AJ Pappadados or Missionary to Madam. TikTok, you can find me at AJ Paps or Missionary Paps, which is my new account, Fuck TikTok. And my shop, if you're in Sydney, Australia, is 322 Kingsway Carring Bar or Missionary to Madam. Amazing. Well, thank you so much again for coming on the podcast. We really appreciate it. I feel like this is a good episode, lots of advice. We love it. We asked for three tips, you had about 23, so I think the people will love it. Oh, last one. Last one. Because that goes into my last one. Undersale. Overdeliver. Okay. I'm the sale, overdeliver. Oh, okay. Ladies, thank you so much for having me. Viv Jo, it's been an absolute pleasure. Girls get off. Shout out Courtney. I love you. It has been an absolutely amazing, phenomenal. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I hope to come on next time. Yay. What to do, baby. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Girls Get Off podcast. Make sure you leave us five stars on Spotify or a review if you're listening on Apple podcasts. Just one thing to note is that we can't have any explicit words on Apple podcasts, otherwise it doesn't get shown. So make sure you keep it PG. And if you want to find out more about Girls Get Off, we're on Instagram at Girls Get Off. Our Facebook group is Girls Get Off Uncensored. And you can find us on TikTok, Girls Get Off HQ. And our website, girlsgetoff.com. Thanks for listening.