What size dildo should a beginner start with? (Girth vs Length)

You have three tabs open, every product calls itself beginner friendly, and the measurements underneath them are all over the place. Somewhere in there is a number that is either fine or far too much, and nothing on the page tells you which.

Here is the short version: girth is the number that decides whether a first dildo is comfortable, length is the number people worry about, and those are not the same thing.

Girth decides it, not length

Length is the figure that gets quoted because it is the figure that sounds impressive. It is also the one you have the most control over. You decide how much of a toy you use, and the part you do not want is simply the part that stays outside.

Girth is different. It is the measurement your body has to accommodate, and there is no way to use less of it. If a first toy is uncomfortable, girth is almost always the reason.

Here is what each number on a listing is actually telling you:

One thing to watch when you compare listings: girth means circumference, the distance around, while some sites quote diameter, the distance across. They are not interchangeable, and a diameter looks reassuringly smaller than the same toy's girth. If a listing gives you one and you want the other, divide the girth by 3.14.

"Is 17cm too big for a first dildo?"

This is the question we are asked most often, and the honest answer is that 17cm on its own does not tell you enough to worry about.

Take our own Dilly, which is 17cm length x 12.3cm girth (6.7in length x 4.8in girth). The 17cm is the whole toy, base included. Dilly has a suction cup, so once it is fixed to a flat surface you set the depth by how you move, not by how long it is. The number that will actually be in play is the 12.3cm.

We found the same pattern in what our customers write afterwards: nobody reports being surprised by a length. What people describe, when something has not worked, is a toy that was too thick to relax into.

What our first-timers actually say

"I don't know why but I was a bit nervous to try Elle, but there was no need! ... First I layed down on my back, we tried the smaller bulb and worked up to the larger."

"First glass toy to add to my collection and loving it! Always hesitant about glass... Usually uncomfortable with internal stim on my own, Elle is too good a tease not to keep going! Smaller end first..."

"I was slightly sceptical about using a non-vibrating sex toy... It was the perfect size and amount of curve."

Three different starting points, nervous, hesitant, sceptical, and all three landed on the same move: start with the smaller number and work up.

"What is an average size?"

We are not going to give you one, and we would be careful of anyone who does.

An average is a description of a population, and you are buying for one body. What is comfortable varies between people and varies for the same person from one day to the next. Matching a purchase to an average tells you nothing except that you have bought something typical.

A better question is what you already know. If you have used anything internal before, start from that and adjust. If you have not, start narrower than you think and work out from there. Going up is easy. Going down means buying twice.

Where to start in our range

Dilly is the one we point beginners at, and the reason is that you can see exactly what you are getting: 17cm length x 12.3cm girth (6.7in length x 4.8in girth), body-safe silicone, and a suction base that frees both hands and lets you control depth against a wall, a floor or the side of the bath. It is on the dildo range with the numbers on the page rather than in the small print.

Elle is the other direction: borosilicate glass, double-ended, with a bulb at either end, 16.8cm length, large bulb 3.4cm girth, small bulb 3.3cm girth (6.61in length, 1.34in and 1.30in girth). Glass holds temperature, which is a different experience from silicone and worth understanding before you pick it as a first toy, though a real first-timer would likely start on the smaller bulb, the gentlest number in the whole range. Both toys now hand you a real number rather than an adjective, which is exactly the point this whole article has been making.

If you would rather not decide alone, the beginner-friendly collection is where everything we would put in a first order sits together.

The material matters as much as the measurement

Body-safe silicone and borosilicate glass are both non-porous, which means they clean properly rather than approximately. That is not a small point for something going inside you.

One rule that catches people: use water-based lubricant with silicone toys. Silicone lubricant can degrade a silicone surface over time, and once that surface is damaged it cannot be cleaned reliably any more. Our Juicee is water-based and pH-friendly, and any water-based lube will do the same job.

Use more of it than you think you need, and reapply. We found most discomfort that gets blamed on size turns out to be friction rather than girth.

Give it time, then give it another go

Do not go straight to the toy. 5 minutes of warm-up changes what your body will comfortably take, far more than a centimetre either way on the product page does. If you are using glass, run it under warm running water for 2 minutes first so it is not a shock.

If the first attempt does not work, it does not mean you bought the wrong size. Try it again on a different day before you decide.

If you do get it wrong

Size is the one thing a photograph cannot show you, so getting it wrong sometimes is not a personal failing, it is baked into buying something you cannot try before you own it. That is exactly why we point you towards the toy with published numbers rather than an adjective: match what you already know instead of guessing blind.

We found the reviews follow the same arc almost every time: low expectations going in, surprise coming out. More than 3,100 product reviews at an average of 4.86 say most people do land on something that works. Start with the toy whose numbers are published, and if you need a second one, buy it knowing what you know now rather than what you were guessing before. The toy you still reach for 12 months later is rarely the biggest one in the drawer.